I was locked in at the age of 18. She pressured me hard, played the "if you loved me" and "you'll never see me again" game. I was in a crappy household, so it was between a rock and a hard place.

20 years later, I'm trying to get out. She's done nothing with her life and is too reliant on me for existence. I'm unhappy and have been unhappy all this time. I don't care about money (which she has spent more than her fair share of), I just want my freedom at this point. When I try, she does childish things and starts threatening to kill herself. Or she asks me to help her die.

The whole thing has made me suicidal and has affected me at work. I just want out one way or another. She's too caught up in herself to see that she is pushing me into the direction of suicide.

whut?

this is a little bit bolloxs mate.

labels, are for security - as in feelings of security... the idea is that both paries are on the same page.

also those labels don't necessarily carry the conitations that you suggest - you can have a girlfriend, even a wife, and still fuck whomever you want if you like and find a person who shares that value.

as for moving in together - the test of many a relationship. - you are coming across as a little paranoid - what kind of shit do you have thats so interesting?

If it's done at the right time, she won't be snooping as there won't be anything interesting to find, as she will know about your secret pokemon fetish already cos you've told her.

But all circumstances of trapping girls/guys always boils down to one thing: they're all an attempt to establish power where there is none.

I wouldn't even say that it has to be an intentional power grab to lock down a man who isn't sufficiently invested in a relationship - they probably are if he keeps her at arm's length, but it's also perfectly possible that they're a mutual agreement. Let's be honest: a lot of the stuff that removes the power to walk away - titles (i.e. exclusivity), moving in together, children, etc. - is fairly basic for a normal relationship and pursuing them doesn't automatically make a woman a controlling bitch.

BUT even absent ulterior motives this still doesn't mean that you aren't trapped if it happens to you. Specifically the part about "moving in together" caught my attention because it was so terribly true. Two friends of mine - both with their longest-lasting girlfriends - made that mistake to move in with them, and both regretted it.

Friend #1 moved in with her despite her (still moderate) tendency to nag and complain, but from then on it got far worse. But because they were living together, he couldn't just dump her on a whim, so instead of breaking up he tried to "fix" the relationship. He constantly complained to me about her, and towards the end (it must have been year 4 out of 5 that relationship lasted) I asked him whether he'd still be with her if they weren't living together and he said something along the lines of "probably not".

Friend #2 moved in with his GF into a flat her parents owned and he regretted it because it totally removed his ability to live as he saw fit because she constantly reminded him of the fact that due to the fact that he was basically at the mercy of her family, it was her calling the shots in all matters living-related; and this bossiness also bled over into other areas.

So yeah, stuff like that definitely limits your options.

I think it all boils down to your sense of freedom. A man with a free mind can always choose to be free - even if his body is entraped.

Marcus Aurelius said:

People try to get away from it all - to the country, to the beach, to the mountains. You always wish you could too. Which is idiotic: you can get away from it anytime you like. By going within. Nowhere you can go is more peaceful - more free of interruptions - than your own soul.

3. Marriage

Pay to walk into it, pay to walk out of it, live life at threatpoint.... the ultimate socio-legal male trap.

A woman's very essence is to trap.

Everything about her interactions with a man is specifically designed to trap a man. The difference is simply in which trap she sets for which particular animal.

For the beta, it's teases and covert communications of the possibility of sex if he'll just supplicate a bit more and do her this one favour.

For the alpha, the trap comes in the form of a woman who does her level best to control her impulses and display qualities that would make her a good long-term prospect.

Knowing which specific traps are being deployed is useful not only as a means of escaping the trap--but, also, as an indication of what her categorisation of you is.

Her trap is her biggest tell. You just have to learn to see it.

It is basic biology.

Female instinct was honed during times long before 911 and credit reports existed. A woman in pre- modern times needed prime seed just like they need it now-but she had a lot fewer options to lock a man down.

Further , securing a mans commitment isn't just about money. It's also about ensuring a female is the exclusive benefactor of a man's prime genetics. If a dude is allowed to fuck other women then they too have prime offspring which then will compete with The Bottom Bitch's kids when they grow up . Bottom Bitch wants her kids to be The Leaders, not her friends' kids from the same DNA.

So , the female does this by doing two things broadly.

One is social integration: the more people the woman knows the harder she is to get rid of. If a man ghosts a chick ,she need only contact Person X to initiate skip tracing proceedings. If she knows little to nothing about a dudes social network , she has no "leads" if he goes cold.

Next is access; part of why women insist on living with a dude is to ensure she controls the territory. Yes money matters; but if a man lives with her she can control when and how he fucks other girls. He can still cheat, but now he's gotta dodge the Bottom Bitch. He's also more likely to get caught,and as observed above leaving becomes that much harder.

Females are biologically wired not just to extract financial commitment alone, but to gradually limit a mans directive to spread his seed.

[deleted]

I'd like to think of this as something that needs to be prepared for beforehand. No way in hell would I join anything with her. I'd make sure to have complete control over all finances. If she wants to leave, she can use her own money. No burden on me. Guess you can say it's like a permanent sleep over.

There is an easy way to approximate which party has more power within any given agreement.

The party who can walk away, is the party with more power.

I never understood why you would move in with someone you aren't married to. What is there to gain from it? Splitting the rent? Is that worth it?

Everything in life can be summed up as one big game of power.

Oh that's a relief. I thought this was going to be a post about chicks with dicks

While you could say that I agree, and I personally do think that moving in together is a terrible idea, here's what came to my mind after reading that:

Doesn't it work both ways? Isn't she also giving him control over how quickly and feasibly she could leave him (lease, shared rent, etc.)? Isn't also she giving him access to her life? Doesn't the "girlfriend" label apply social restrictions to her as well?

Women are often derided for having a childlike level of maturity, but the sheer level of Machiavellianism they exhibit should warn us that they are very intelligent when it comes to protecting their position - infinitely more so than men - and that while this may not be something we can respect, nor even appreciate, it is a quality that, when isolated and analysed, places women in a position far higher than some men will give them credit for.

Women are apex predators when it comes to men, they are experienced and perfectly able and willing to play a convoluted long game in which to snare their prey, over a time period that spans greater lengths than a majority of men are even able to contemplate. I recall as a beta being told by that sweet, wonderful girl I had just met, that one who I knew liked me, that she didn't want kids because they were annoying. That she didn't want marriage. These are snares that women lay in the very beginning, the beginnings of the web that will become your entire existence when she has you cowed, when she corners you as the willing beta.

It is a predatory game, a way that women learn to control weak men. And because weak men are the majority, it is the reason that women have so much power in our society. They are always able to bring some weakling to heel, even after the alphas have all vanished into the sunset. This is why, ultimately, we are all lost amid the futility of it all. No amount of effort within us can change the outcomes of the games women play, all we can do is ensure that we are not the victims. There is profit to be made, but for the average man, there is only a game to be played until such time as he loses. It amazes me not that they play, but that they continue to do so happily even after they've lost; again, and again, and again.

It is all a trap, really. There is nothing like a vagina, for having quite so much unseen depth. It is a black hole in which to plummet endlessly, until time itself welcomes you into its infinite grasp. That is why the first step in becoming a man is to denounce the power that vagina has over you, whether or not you want to. I love a fantastic pair of breasts, a beautiful backside, and a wondrous, shapely set of hips, as much as the next heterosexual man. But it is important to be able to find presence within yourself whenever faced with these things, and be able to make choices that prevent you from being trapped by them.

Always be prepared to walk away from any relationship. If you move in with a girl have a plan and money set aside to be able to remove her from your life. Always be practicing your game so that you can replace her. Test it out and make sure you can get other girls numbers. And of course don't get married. That legally ties you to a woman while not legally tying her back to you.