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This almost reminds me of "just say no" of the 1980s; much easier said in abstract than done in practice.

That being said, I think the kind of girl one targets in the first place, such as culture, hometown, etc. can help avoid this stuff.

So true, sometimes leaving after the approach is just as hard...

If she's bragging about her cock count and acting like it's perfectly fine.. I drop that I fucked an escort for a few months and it's funny to see her face try to hide her disgust while her brain is still in "don't judge my slutty past" mode.

Acknowledging the past exists is slut shaming!

Wish I applied this logic it would have saved me years of an eventually horrible relationship.

She seemed reformed from her past drug use and promiscuous sex but sure enough, she ended up having sex with strangers again.

Everyone deserves a second chance and people do change but there's a reason why the cliche bad habits die hard exists.

Don't be like others who have let a problem in the past dictate your thoughts in the current, it's draining and you owe it to yourself to find another girl who doesn't have those traits.

This is so basic it makes me sad we had to post this Sadly we're a minority on this :-/

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I know many men who are married to known, admitted or probable former sluts. Every one of those marriages is a noisy, or a quiet-desperation, shit show. Wives withhold sex, harshly sarcastic and critical (you can only imagine in private), hugely irresponsible with money or kids, deliberately make themselves ugly or androgynous or allow themselves to get fat.

A slut can never truly appreciate a long-term partner. Her brain is wired to seek the masochistic thrill of new sexual submission, or the alpha-girl thrill of new sexual conquest. The inevitable -- and noble -- provider component of a long-term relationship (not just or necessarily money, but attention, support, companionship) just doesn't make her appreciative, or even makes her contemptuous because so many other men got her for little or nothing.

Yeah the amount of times I hear friends bitch about things like this, well on in to their relationships is astounding. It's almost as if they jump into dating since she's the first women who will open her legs for him, and then he considers her other attributes afterwards. Do yourself and women a favour and pre-screen.

Oh, straight guys who think N>20 is high. So cute!

This is so important. I know many men who stay with a broken woman out of pity for her, and ruin their own lives along the way. Horrible fucking idea, and yet extremely common.

Also I have learned that if I begin dating a woman, I try to ascertain as much about her family as possible. If her family sounds crazy, dramatic, draining, etc... SO IS SHE. You just haven't noticed yet, or she still has her sheep's mask on and is a good actress. But after enough time, you'll learn she is exactly like her family, and by them you'll have wasted a lot of time and probably been put through an enormous amount of bullshit.

My personal dating code involves only dating women from good families, especially ones where their father is and always has been in their lives. Women with dads are usually the coolest and nicest.

This is fundamental PERSONAL HAPPINESS material right here.

I talk a lot about standards, and this is exactly what I am talking about. Who you spend your time with is a huge deal. This post is talking directly about LTRs, and it is accurate, but I would extend it to everyone in your life.

and it doesn't matter if it's just your "hang up". There is no reason to lower the bar because it's convenient to someone else or fits their world plan. You can only work in your own interest.

and there is never a reason to tolerate something that is not necessary to tolerate.

and lord forbid you want to have a kid. way before the conception, you have to do the most important thing about having a kid, which is picking out a suitable mate. and almost all the stories I hear that are bad to worse to the very worst .... starts with an unsuitable mate that was settled on for various reasons.

a suitable mate is one of the most important choices you will ever make (even if that decision is "no mate/no kid").

great post. set standards. communicate expectations. let everyone know your rules. stand by them with conviction. never compromise when it comes to your own interest.

The thousand cock stare is real. They truly are incapable of pair-bonding, relationships with women with high N counts are always a complete shit show.

From personal experience, higher than average N count usually means that the woman is less likely to pair bond with you the way you'd expect. It's not always an indicator of promiscuity, as long as there are no one-night stands involved. She's also going to be less happy and will blame you for it, vocally or otherwise.

This is why I like having plates (mainly via tinder)-- you don't have to give a shit about her n-count, you just plow the girls you like. Only men with no options (sexually desperate), or people really looking to make a family, settle down. If you settle down with a high n-count, used up hag, then expect nothing but suffering down the line.

Past behavior predicts future behavior

I find it alwaya helps to think like a fat independent black woman, who don't need no man.

Seriously. Their level of self-importance is something you need in life if OPs examples sound familiar.

Don't like the fact that she was raped? Just leave. Don't like the fact her dad abused her? Just leave. Don't like the fact she has depression after her mom died? Just leave.

You are not her therapist. In fact, trying to be an amateur therapist might do more harm than good.

So much truth.

I spent 4 years lying to myself in a relationship because I tried my hardest to rationalise her shortcomings. If it doesn't sit right with you, it never will.

Don't like that your LTR had a train ran on her in high school? Then leave.

Like she got run over by a train? Or she was a conductor?

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The biggest freedom the red pill gives a man is the ability to walk away. This goes for all walks of life. Women, work, business or friends. We walk away from things that bring us down and gravitate to things that improve us.

such a simple concept that so many have such a difficult time grasping.

Thats true but what about the dirty things that she is going to do down the road it will come for sure a good past doesnt mean anything in terms female nature.

What the fuck are you on about?
How many girls would tell you about their actual N counts or about stupid shit they did in the past if they're actually trying to get into a relationship with you? There's a reason women hide all this, because they know any man of value would not pick a high n count coke whore for a partner.

Can't stress the post title enough. Wasted 3 years of my life in miserable bickering just to finally admit to myself she simply didn't meet my standards. What's the point of being with someone that doesn't make you happy?

That would be easy if people wouldn't try to hide their past, or episodes they consider to be unsavory. Often, the past reveals itself after a while, after the op already has become emotionally invested in the other person.

Men need to decide this stuff BEFORE dating. You should have your boundaries set in your mind before even getting to know her. Do not waiver for anything. It is not selfish, or wrong to have standards for a relationship and hold people accountable for their actions.

She may be right, she may have genuinely changed,

The only thing that has changed is her circumstances.

You want to know what people will do in the future? Just look at their past.

People don't change.... and even if she might, there's no reason you should have to take the risk.

"the past is the past why can't we move on?" It's simple, we as humans are prone to recognizing patterns, this includes patterns of behaviors.

Unless of course you're a Republican government official with alleged ties to a particular sub-reddit. Then your past matters a whole fucking hell of a lot because feminist hypocrisy.

Watch what they do, not what they say.

I try to not even know their past. They lie aboit everything, don't remember shit correctly and are all hiding shit anyways. Give zero fucks and just make sure you're making her do things to forget, lie about and hide from the next chump.

"the past is the past why can't we move on?"

Bad choice of words babe, I am moving on.

I could not agree more. It's not fair to her or yourself if you continue to engage in a relationship where the person's past bothers you.

If you can't forgive and forget you must move on

sorry for asking but what is an n count?

Dadgum good advice here, sir! Thank you very much! Who wants to date a girl whom you found out was a Sugar Baby from her Freshman to Junior years? With N=70? Besides, when did the past ever not matter? And when did it disappear or stop influencing her now or in the future? Never, that's when. She may have even found God, gotten saved, seen the light and found religion. Good for her. But does that mean she gets you? Nope. Turn around and start walking, even if it's on the slightest twinge of discomfort you have in your soul, no explanation needed.

Contrary to what modern sexually liberated society may say, marriages and LTRs work better if the partners weren't promiscuous in the past. The whole "fuck a lot and find out what you like" is not going to work.

I think a lot of it has to do with the white knight mentality. "I can save her from her past, with me she can be a different woman". Sorry man, if she's banged 20 guys in the 3 years, your just another number on that list

I can't deal with OUR past, how do you think that makes me feel.

Thanks for this. Precisely what I needed to read.

When we can say it's a high n count? Like 3? 5? 10 before 25?

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Thing is, many people unecessarily disclose their past. What happen 10,20, 30 years ago is no one's business especially in dating context. Let me use your example of high school.

The human brain at that age is still developing. It is called neuroplasticity. The adolescent period is a hypersensitive period much like early childhood when neural connections are being made and old pathways are being pruned at a very fast rate. The brain is not even fully developed yet. So what she or even you did in high school should have no bearing on who you are when you are an adult in your late twenties when the maturation process has plateaued. UNless of course it has landed them in a state of affairs that effects them today, for instance, their behavior in adolescence landed them in jail well into adulthood, which limits the way their brains will develop.

I am TRP as it gets, brudda, but I think writing someone off for a high school or adolescent thing is very stupid and hypocritical, not to mention the mark of lack of wisdom and psychological naivete. Is your prerogative and individually your choice, but bear in mind the neurological and psychological realities. People change. Environments change. Brains and personalities change. This is scientifically proven fact, my brudda.

But if in her adult age she has banged the whole block or got herself in jail or whatever, you can rest assure that this is who she is.

N count is irrelevant. She is NOT your girl, it's just your turn.