I have been (relatively) non-violently sexually assaulted. It wasn't a big deal to me. | TheRedPill

To preface, when I say non-violently, I mean without force or much force used. And as a second point to my preface, I am in absolutely no places ADVOCATING sexual assault. I'm just pointing out that it isn't as big of a deal as it's made to be.

This all happened 5+ years ago.

I have been sexually assaulted 2-3 times in my life, all as an adult. None of them was a big deal. I'll describe the first, as that was one that went on the longest, but if people are curious, I can describe the other two.

Each involved a gay man and naivety/trust.

I was very innocent, felt that everyone talked about sex and consent first, and most people didn't engage in sex or anything sexual until they had been dating for at least a month or two (as I said, phenomenally innocent).

The first incident happened while I was sleeping - it was the third or fourth time I had ever drank in my life, and I passed out on a bed with about 3 or 4 other people, including a cute girl and a gay guy, who I was sleeping in between.

At some point during the night, I start to dream that the girl is giving me a handjob, and I gradually wake up to find that the gay guy has his hands in my pants, and is the one actually doing this. As soon as I wake up, I stop him, leave the room, still half drunk, and go sleep on the floor in the living room.

Afterwards, I felt a little weird and gross, but it wasn't a big deal. I wasn't scarred or scared, I didn't throw up or cry. I'd compare it to taking a trip to a foreign city, and having your wallet stolen and having to eat out of a garbage can in order to survive for a couple of days - you feel a little icky and a little violated, but it's not really bothersome after the fact.

Why am I bringing this up here? Because there's a lot of discussion about sexual assault and how it is absolutely verboten to question it, classify it, or not feel it's the most horrible thing ever.

There are almost certainly rapes and sexual assaults that are traumatizing. But there are almost certainly assaults that, like mine, just really aren't that big of a deal.

The question of whether rape/assault has occurred or not is always a valid question (hell, question whether mine occurred, I don't care). And there were certainly things I could have done in each case to have prevented myself from being harmed - that isn't victim blaming, that's taking responsibility.

Rape is oftentimes made out to be the most horrible thing that can happen to a person - and I agree that a violent sexual assault probably is one of the most horrible things that can happen. But a lot of sexual assault isn't really a big deal (not that I'm advocating it).

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xAFC 11y ago

Disclaimer: yes I was a beta bitch, and should never have been in the situation in the first place. You really don't have to inform me.

I've never told of this event. Back in my beta days, I was in a particularly toxic LTR. She always insisted on having sex after a fight because she thought that magically made everything all better. I never wanted to but went along with it because usually things were at least a bit better afterward. Until one time sex with her was the very last thing in the world I wanted. So I continually rejected her advances. We got into a more heated argument with her guilt tripping me and the like, so I finally just stopped resisting. It was easier just to do something I didn't want to do, than to deal with the hours of BS. After the fact, I confronted her and informed her that I really didn't want to. Which of course led to her guilt tripping me for calling her a rapist and blah blah blah. Then again to avoid this exhausting confrontation with her, I consoled her and assured her that she didn't rape me. After making her feelz all better she comfortably drifted to sleep while I was left fucked up in the head all night. Yes this was my bad, but by the books she was very wrong.

thisjibberjabber 11y ago

I once passed out in a friend of a friend's room in college and woke up to a girl I didn't know making out with me. She was cute and I was kind of psyched and tried seeing her again afterward (it fizzled). But looking back it was sexual assault by current definitions.

[deleted] 11y ago

Yup. Once I was pretty much almost passed out at a rave, just barely conscious and very nauseous, and some girl tried to flirt with me, fondled my junk, and made out with me a few times over the next hour hoping I would sober up enough for sex.

Kind of glad I only vaguely remember it, I don't remember what she looked like but I clearly remember her outline and she was a fucking land whale.

Gross and unnaceptable, but still Ive had high school exams that were much more traumatizing.

Algermas 11y ago

Agreed OP, sometimes when I hear women talk I think goddamn the way she's making this sound is like Satan himself raped her for months in the bowels of Hell itself.

Turns out a drunk roommate fondled her this one time. I mean really?

alreadyredschool 11y ago

Yes, this is horrible. Women are the gatekeepers of sex and this guy didn't deserve it. He was not supposed to get sexual satisfaction, he cheated. This is the horrible part about that, the fact that he used her is not that horrible. It doesn't matter who or in which state she was, the main problem is a beta trying to reproduce with unfair tricks. This is why rape affects and angries both genders. You can ask many women many would rather be killed or beaten up brutally before giving sexual release to an unworthy man.

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socialsecurityguard 11y ago

Just because you weren't affected by it doesn't mean someone else won't either. You were able to handle it but others take that kind of violation more seriously.

cascadecombo 11y ago

And the type of people who can't handle that can't handle a multitude of other things either.

[deleted] 11y ago

I had a women's studies tublerina girl in my philosophy class that couldn't handle us talking about the word "ratchet", as in, the tool to tighten things and the verb to go along with it.

She said she was really offended and stormed out of the class, we didn't even mention ratchetty hoes or anything, she just made that implication in her mind.

getomc 11y ago

Like the fact that it's not a big deal, for example.

[deleted] 11y ago

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FrameWalker 11y ago

boner alert. i now have a rape fantasy

dcall222 11y ago

I have had close to the same experience about two years ago. It was with a girl that had been very open about having strong feelings for me even when i had a girlfriend. This made it difficult to be around her because she had been my friend for so long even before i had the girlfriend. It wasnt like i was just going to cast her out after learning of her feelings for me. Think of it as a bit of a role reversal for the conventional friend zone.

That being said it started like every other situation like this does, and that is after a good amount of drinking. There were about 10 of us at this party and when it came time to go to sleep we ended up in the same bed and alone. At this point i was drunk enough that i couldnt count to 6 yet she could probably still pass a sobriety test.

As soon as the lights go out she begins to kiss my neck and stomach and i remember telling her that we couldnt do this. Even though there was no real reason why we couldnt other than the fact that i just didnt want to. Shortly after that she went down on me and i still told her no even though i plainly was enjoying it. Then i remember her getting on top of me and me saying for a final time that it was wrong, but i didnt stop her.

My next memory is waking up next to her with me wearing a condom and nothing else. Of course we talked about it because that was something that needed to be discussed. Was it sexual assault? By the book yes it was. Am I distraught and overreacting? No i am not.

Had the roles been reversed in that situation i would more than likely be in prison right now. I understand that every situation is different but it seems like in most cases, women have no accountability. I consider it my own fault for getting black out drunk and sleeping in the same bed with a girl who has frequently told me that she has feelings for me. In today's world a woman can just regret having sex with a man, claim rape, and ruin the mans life.

Here is an example

http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/Woman-Falsely-Accused-Brian-Banks-Rape-Ordered-to-Pay-26M-211689741.html