How I got over my day game approach anxiety. | TheRedPill

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abadplayonwords

Posted 10y ago in Field Report - Permalink - Locked - 718 Views

To start with a bit about myself, I'm just you're average guy with a normal, boring admin job. Not particularly attractive, not ugly, but I used to be TERRIFIED of women. This probably dates back to my school days when I was pretty overweight and definitely unattractive to girls. I asked a girl out in my class around 7th or 8th grade and got ridiculed beyond belief by all the girls in that class - including the one I asked out. In my opinion, that's where my approach anxiety started and it might be the same for many men.

I started reading TRP a few months ago and things are finally starting to click (maybe I'm a slow learner). Night game is becoming a lot easier, probably due to alcohol and increased confidence, but until recently I was still afraid to approach women in the day. I realised this was probably because of my fear of rejection and that if she rejects me then I won't get another chance at a girl as good looking blah blah blah...which eventually led to me not talking to her at all and then walking off feeling disappointed in myself.

So I started counting and writing down every girl I saw, that I would like to open. Just for this exercise, I only made note of of HB8's and above. After 1 week I had seen 40 DIFFERENT GIRLS that I could've opened and were all above HB8.

And that was the moment when I thought "fuck it" and just started going for it. When I finally saw the abundance of good looking girls and all those chances missed, it was what I needed to realise that no one girl is worth getting all worked up and nervous over! Even if you mess up, there will still be an infinite number of chances!

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Nola_son 10y ago

Living in New Orleans, my dad always taught me from a young age that "Women are like streetcars. It doesn't matter if you miss one, there's always another around the corner."

tits_out_forTheBoys 10y ago

Well done, you've learned that competition anxiety is an unnecessary burden. Your next step is learning how to turn the tables and incite it in a woman. Tonight for example, my friend introduced me to a group of girls. I determined which one was the hottest and started eye fucking her. I said very little when responding to her. When she spoke, I alternated between eye fucking her and looking around slowly (my "hoe radar"). She picked up on this.

Then one of her guy friends show up. She goes to say hi, so my initial reaction was to scout out the area. I made eye contact with another girl and began flirting with her and her friends. The initial girl really picked up on this and practically pounced on me shortly after. Game over. I fucked her later, then made her take a cab home when she asked to sleep over. And you know what? She'll text me tomorrow, and I'll fuck her at will from this point forward, because not giving a shit gave her the gina tingles like no other.

tl;dr Eye fuck girls, but don't provide them with much time or attention. They'll know you're interested, but they'll also know that you're confident because you have other options. This gives them the gina tingles, after which the destiny of your penis is in your hands.

[deleted] 10y ago

"gave her the gina tingles like no other" I'm taking this

EpicPlacebo 10y ago

Yeah the destiny of my penis has been in my hand for too long

itPasses 10y ago

That's fucking brilliant haha!

abadplayonwords 10y ago

That's good advice, awesome job!

FrameWalker 10y ago

Holy cow dude. That level of cat herding is incredibly inspiring. Do you have any other tips?

vengefully_yours 10y ago

Its easy to do, I stumbled into that twenty five years ago. The key is abundance mentality, and targeting multiple girls and being obvious about it. Outcome independence is key, you can't get broken up if you don't fuck one, you simply move to another.

tits_out_forTheBoys 10y ago

[FrameWalker] I've just realized that my Game last night was the direct result of having internalized The Rational Male's "Plate Theory II."

Read this: http://therationalmale.com/2011/11/02/plate-theory-ii-non-exclusivity/

goldenturk 10y ago

Honest question: isn't eye fucking and not verbally opening can easily be translated to "he wants me but doesn't approach me -> not a real man" thought process?

AngraMainyuu 10y ago

Its always a possibility. You'll never succeed 100% of the time anyway. So who gives a fuck?

tits_out_forTheBoys 10y ago

isn't eye fucking and not verbally opening

Which girl? The first girl was introduced to me by a friend, so no opener was needed. The second girl - who was with a different group of girls in the bar - I approached before flirting with. But not until after making eye contact, i.e. the universal signal of IL at bars.

I wasn't flirting with the second girl for more than a minute before the first girl saw this, after which a rush of competition anxiety sparked her biological urge to more or less throw herself at me: (Her desperation was easy to pick up on - it was obvious this bitch's focus was locked directly on me.) So I made out with her in front of everyone at the bar. I should also mention that while we made out, I grabbed her neck with one of my hands and progressively tightened my grip which got her incredibly horny. I actually learned this make-out technique from another post on TRP called "Take Her Breath Away," so cap tip to whoever wrote that.

Also, don't make the mistake of thinking the initial girl was my primary target the entire time (that would have been an easy way to fail). Rather, she was just one of my targets up until I knew for sure that she wanted to touch my penis. When I refocused my efforts on the second girl, it was due to legitimate interest. My mindset was (courtesy of Rollo) to cast out a net, rather than fishing with just one line and hook. But the fact that the first girl saw me work my game elsewhere really played to my advantage.

Takeaway: Women subconsciously peg a man's SMV based on the number of female suitors, or "options," he has. By scouting out IL and flirting with multiple suitors within a small radius, I successfully executed DHV. In doing so, I sparked competition anxiety within my first suitor, who'd previously shown a high IL, which made closing pretty damn easy.

[deleted] 10y ago

Nigga... Well done. Bravo. Something I've learned since I started visiting the red pill is that I get lucky because I lift heavy shit, im confident, and have good looks but I have virtually zero game. I need to get on this level.

TooMuchToDoo 10y ago

Notice how he was talking to the rest of the girls at the table, as well as successfully flirting with another girl at the bar. "he wants me but doesn't approach me -> he's flirting with other girls and they're attracted to him ->he must not think I'm worth talking to -> well I'll show him!!"

goldenturk 10y ago

And yet, she was the hottest girl. So it could also go other ways. Anyway, I'd just do open her verbally and then move to others.

tits_out_forTheBoys 10y ago

[goldenturk] After putting in some thought I now know exactly what you're confused about.

Honest question: isn't eye fucking and not verbally opening can easily be translated to "he wants me but doesn't approach me -> not a real man" thought process?

Anyway, I'd just do open her verbally and then move to others.

The problem is that your Game is rooted in overt communication. Notice how in my original comment, not once did I mention the content of any conversation which took place last night. That's because it holds no influence in the seduction process. Was she going to want to fuck me because I asked her what school she went to, where she works, where she lives, more or less the typical bullshit talking points in male/female conversation? No! Because you cannot negotiate desire.

From http://therationalmale.com/2011/11/02/plate-theory-ii-non-exclusivity/ :

Women communicate COVERTLY, with gesture, with looks, with veiled meanings – you have to communicate your intent to be non-exclusive COVERTLY. Never OVERTLY tell a woman you’ve got other plates than her spinning. Allow her to discover this by your mannerisms, your behaviors, and definitely by your availability to her. Create value through scarcity, don’t be so available to her, but just enough to keep her interest and allow her mind to consider that maybe you have other options. Even when you don’t, fomenting this anxiety is a VERY useful tool for you while you do get more plates to spin.

Re-read my original comment with this mindset, and I believe you'll find that it makes complete sense. We can equate the word "flirting" with push-pull mannerisms: determining IL, eye-fucking, attention, indifference, etc. However, flirting has nothing to do with "talking," although it may happen while you're flirting. Each conversation was nothing more than an excuse to facilitate my behaviors (covert communication).

tl;dr A man CANNOT make a woman rationalize wanting to have sex with him. He CANNOT convince her through his words, or overtly communicate that he's worthy of her intimacy. Rather, he must trigger her competition anxiety through covertly communicating his SMV.

Hope that clears up any confusion. Feel free to ask away if anyone has trouble understanding how to apply this concept to Game strategy.

cntthnko1 10y ago

Whats eye fucking? Just a stare right?

And is this why good looking guys get girls so easy? Since the girl already knows he has a ton of options...?

tits_out_forTheBoys 10y ago

Whats eye fucking? Just a stare right?

Eye fucking is nothing more than maintaining strong, steady eye contact. Like a staring contest. If it makes her uncomfortable, then you're doing it correctly. Arousal can only occur in the absence of comfort.

After she's acknowledged your eye fucking, you need to covertly suggest that she must compete for your attention. Now that she's had a taste of it, what will she offer to maintain it? You need to find out, or she'll offer you nothing. This is why concurrently seeking out multiple suitors is so important. Otherwise, she'll know she has full access to your time and attention. Nobody will pay for something they've been offered for free, especially women.

tl;dr As men, time and attention are our two most valuable resources. Do not offer it to any woman for free. Give her a sample, then find out what she'll offer in return. Sell to the highest bidder.

mbillion 10y ago

women perceive other women in your social circle as value that you have. The higher value women surrounding or interested in you the higher perceived value you have.

Its not the same for men and women. When I see some slut with twenty guys in orbit I usually think oh gross. Not so with men. It is the female imperative to secure the most desirable mate.

How do women gauge a mates desirability? by looking at their social constructs - their social circle, their liquid ability, their access to prestige and success, etc etc etc. for men the woman simply has to be hot. For women its this weird algorithm like combination of social factors

cntthnko1 10y ago

So there is no point where a guy is just desirable... Without considering the SMV and game. And so it isnt a sales pitch anymore, its just two humans who are attracted to each other...? Or is it that the sex game is always necessary, even for, lets say, a male underwear model?

mbillion 10y ago

yeah the guy is desirable. Its just not the same for men as it is for women. Sure, an ultra high smv man like an underwear model might be able to get away with otherwise being a complete loser however its unlikely - a good physique indicates access to a gym, which implies access to a certain amount of money, a career in modeling implies good social skills as often its who you know not what you know,

There are chemical attractions - the type where nothing else matters, these are rare. Most times the chemical attraction between two people is far less strong than the mental. In the case of the mental a man needs to have property, power and prestige in order to stratify himself into a high standing

z10z 10y ago

I think the whole point is to not have it's Desinty in the hands.

tits_out_forTheBoys 10y ago

This gives them the gina tingles, after which the destiny of your penis is in your hands.

EDIT: the vagina of your choosing

thenarrrowpath 10y ago

Wow, I'm going to try that. Going out at night can click when you're in state and having a good time, but during the day when you're alone you can really get into your head and not even attempt to approach.

RedPillSafe 10y ago

The bigger the crowd, the lower your anxiety.

This is because in a one-on-one situation she will be focused on you well ahead of your approach and so her guard will be up. Plus there is safety in numbers too, so she will be more relaxed in a crowd.

In a crowd people lose themselves to chaos and that liberates you to move freely within the chaos.

Concerts are great places for moving about. Parties with lot's of people are good.

The crowd also reminds you of abundance because... well... you are surrounded by abundance. :)

[deleted] 10y ago

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vengefully_yours 10y ago

There is one great way to get over it. Talk to everyone you see. Say hi, hello, morning, whatever, hot chick, old blue haired woman, men, whoever. Actually say it, and don't give a shit if they don't respond, some don't. That's they key, some girls will respond, some won't.

In high school I went around and asked every girl in the school to marry me. I'm happy none of them said yes, for two reasons. First, they aren't all that great and now in their forties if I was still with them, I would hate it. Second, hearing no a few hundred times removed any negative association with it, its obvious that I don't want to marry her, I'm just asking to hear the no. You can do this too, it isn't hard and expect the no every time. You know the answer, and it becomes fun after a while reading their reactions. Go somewhere with lots of people, and talk to everyone. Ask every girl you meet to marry you, even the mid forties women. They will say no, then smile or say OK and walk away. Say OK just like your friend said, 'I don't care for peaches' as if you give a fuck. If one says yes, do the same thing.

If you live in a small community, less than 30,000 people, go to a different city/town to do this, there isn't a shortage of women, but you want everyone there to be new to you.

[deleted] 10y ago

...all I can think about is that gut wrenching sense of shame and rejection I got when I was a kid. I can't even really see a possibility of things going well in my head.

I know it's probably not particularly helpful, but... this is a thing you have to get over, and you get over it like this: How bad is rejection, really? You get told "no" to, and then... you go back to life as normal, up for bat to try again? I mean, you're not worse off, you just found a woman that didn't want you.

Which sucks, don't get me wrong, but let's be realistic: This isn't the movies and you're not the guy that always gets the girl, even though you are the hero of your story. There are plenty of attractive women out there who want to fuck someone, and who even want you. Chin up, brother.

[deleted] 10y ago

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vengefully_yours 10y ago

Ah, the "Have you met Ted?" game. One of the very few useful things about that show.

[deleted] 10y ago

Abundance mentality. Works wonders.

Killigraphy 10y ago

Anxiety hits hard the first time you're on the scene. For those wondering of any more tactics to help alleviate the angst; Bring a buddy, a great wingman can make anything easy to handle. Wait till the target(s) is drunk or at least tipsy.

Lastly, approach people in your every day life. Make it a habit, and eventually you'll be able to icebreak anyone.

PotatoTomatos 10y ago

Umm, great stuff and all. But guys, shouldn't this be kept to Seddit.

There is plenty overlap between TRP and game, however they are still distinctly different.

-10

alclarkey 10y ago

No. Abundance mentality is a big part of TRP. This is his FR of how he finally managed to accept abundance mentality.

PlebDestroyer 10y ago

What happened to not putting women on the pedastol, using the binary 1 - 0; fuck - would not fuck, scale?

-1

[deleted] 10y ago

This rating scale ignores the very real dynamics of the sexual marketplace. A 1 here could be a 0 in other places if you are in a massively unbalanced male-female ratio such as in the military or engineering majors, etc.