This is going to be a long post of my internal game where I’m going to be pretty transparent. That said, I’m willing to bet some of you will be able to relate to my thoughts, get something out of it or have two cents that may be beneficial.

I have been into cold approach for a few years now. I have spent the majority of the last few years in LTR's so I don't have the most experience with it (have probably done around 50 approaches in my life), but I have always had this shame regarding the perspective my friends or loved ones might have of me doing cold approach. For a time, I had this feeling that going to the extent of actually cold approaching women was creepy and that guys online that I viewed as likeable guys that openly talk about it affirmatively that I looked to for external validation on it are just good at selling it as normal when it's not: Derek from More Plates More Dates, Danny Mullen, Rian Stone, Aaron Clarey. That they are just creepy internet weirdos or bullshitting their results. I also had this shame about thinking too much about dating or relationships. I don’t think this is true though because rather than stew on how to meet/date and make steps toward meeting/dating more higher quality women like I do, most of the men I know IRL seem to either settle and shack down girls that suck as a way to deal with the male compulsion for pussy and companionship, or (I suspect), cope and stockholm to the point where they are used to and complacent with being hopeless (I.E. the average frustrated chump). Like Seligman’s dogs in shock cages except instead of a dog, it’s a loser dude and instead of shock cages, it’s the opposition of the loser’s working dick/oxytocin receptors and his inability to satisfy that compulsion.

I have a good career, I can bench, squat, and deadlift two plates, great physical health, I have hobbies I enjoy and spend time on, I spend a good amount of time with friends and family, but some part of me feels guilty for spending a good amount of time thinking about how to improve my dating life; that I should have spent all of that time working on music, reading, becoming better at my profession, or other hobbies/pursuits that bring fulfillment. That I’ll regret the time spent when I’m older. I realized though, at the end of the day, what guy doesn’t spend a significant amount of time thinking about/taking steps toward women/dating when they’re young?

I know that ironically, abundance is the way to actually form a relationship worth being in, even removed from looks/status. For a man, you want to be in the position where you can maximize the exposure you have with attractive women that are the most likely to have the qualities, chemistry, and looks that meet your preferences (even ugly guys can benefit from this because they can max out their game and with enough volume, date ugly girls). If you do find a woman that is so great you choose to commit to her, if things don’t work out (as they often don’t), you want to be in the position to enter back into the dating market and regain abundance seamlessly (I know for myself, usually after a breakup I face a long lull where I struggle to build abundance again). My goal is to be in quality relationships with quality women the largest amount of time possible simply because that is how I enjoy to spend life, and when I can’t do that, I want to be fucking the most attractive and interesting women possible that I have great chemistry with. Some part of me actually believes that there isn't a way to actually build abundance for myself, and that true abundance isn't actually possible for myself without a dramatic change to my looks/status/location (I live in a very small town and have to for at least a year or two due to family circumstances and also have to maintain public image due to my profession).

I quite some time ago totally threw out my care for what random people I probably won’t see again think about me. That’s why my favorite thing to do is run game in cities/towns I don’t live in. I can approach a girl in a situation where a crowd of randoms will be aware of it no problem, and if I’ll never see the girl again I have no approach anxiety whatsoever (years of sales experience helped).

Recently, I had a moment where I candidly asked myself what I really want out of life. I want to succeed in my career, make money, keep up with my hobbies, create music, stay healthy, all of that of course, but in addition to that, one of the things I want to do with all of my time in life is to (as I mentioned earlier) date and fuck hot and interesting girls that I have great chemistry with. I have always wanted this, I just struggled for a long time with the prospect of what my friends/loved ones would think of this as well as frankly acknowledging that there is nothing wrong with wanting this out of life, and that the only one that can judge my actions or motivations is myself. External validation is a hard thing to unwire. I’m not going to live with some amount of shame about actions I take to accomplish that goal (I’m not going to autistically proclaim it either). We are straight men with dicks and we are supposed to like chicks with pussies and tits, and in a perfect world, they like us and our dicks too. Further than that, I was engaged to a bombshell blond that loved sex that, though I worked with her a few times, ultimately I approached her in the gym. Add to that, a couple other chicks I have fucked through approaching.

This is an actual text exchange I had with a plate of mine recently: https://i.imgur.com/EIZNrPE.jpeg

Chicks WANT you to approach them. And really, it’s our best bet. Dating apps are shit nowadays, I don’t drink or like being around drunk people/the type of girl that would be in bars/clubs frequently, most guys don’t have social media developed to where it produces volume, asking out girls at work is a GREAT way to end up in HR in 2026, which leaves few options: approaching, class (if you’re a student), gym/public groups, and social circle game. Regarding social circle game, IMO twiddling thumbs waiting for Jimmy to remember to talk to his sister about me is not the sort of volume I want for my life. I don’t like how my dating life looks now, and I want it to change. I may in time think of a way to develop the lifestyle necessary to have a good social media, and in time my social circle will develop more. But whether it’s the girl in the running group/gym you’ve been working for a few weeks, or the girl you’ve never met before on Garnet Ave in San Diego, you still have to APPROACH them. The most autistic thing about cold approach is the name “cold approach”. Call it “striking up a conversation” or “just making conversation” or “shooting your shot” and it’s far more socially acceptable. Cold approach as a label has far too much PUA baggage associated with it. I have even had multiple coworkers tell me to approach girls I found attractive.