I will try to keep it short but it's me so more than likely it will be longer than expected.
So basically 1-2 months ago my LTR ended in a rough way, this being my first LTR it took a tool on me emotionally, yeah I know (LOOOOSERRRR) yet, I have feelings and I am a human being and I cared for the hoe. Moving on, the discipline is the only thing I had left and so I used it, even though I was hurting bad.
3 Weeks after my breakup I was a mess, but I kept myself sharp, kept dressing well, kept shaving and in general, keeping myself looking as best I could get in the emotional state I was.
I ended up in the local supermarket ( the biggest one in the city ), and I was just doing my thing, buying my stuff and GTFO from that place because fuck supermarkets honestly.
And there she was, this absolute peach of a girl, 23-25 I'd guess, great ass, slim and super feminine, reaching for the sugar bag on the very top of the shelve.
I reach out and grabbed one of the bags and just gave it to her, no intention just wanted to be nice for today, I was a mess anyway, anything that could distract me from my breakup was a welcomed thing. She looked at me with doll eyes, saying thank you a million times and me telling her she's alright.
BUT THEN, something in me decided to fuck around because I'm a mess anyway, so why not, what more bad stuff can happen to me? And then I go with "why someone like you would need a bag of sugar?" and she looked at me funny for like 10 seconds then went "oh OHHH, smooth, yeah right take it easy".
My reply to her was simple "just trying to be helpful and cute, like you but less helpful" and then I hear the best thing you can hear "no wait, it was funny as hell".
My reply was easy from this point " Oh it was funny eh? well it's easy when two things mix, you and sugar".
I got giggles out of her, and I asked if she has instagram or she's old school and i have to ask for a phone number. She gave me both, saying that "you're a good person to be around",
And I was a good person to be around for a coffee date, a kiss afterwards, full on making out session, and on instagram but it was not meant to be. The girl was stuck on her ex to which she got back together. I cannot blame her, they broke up for a total of 1 week and I somehow made it in between that period, but, they're back together and seem happy.
She still follows me on instagram and likes all my stories, her boyfriend just stalks me but never follows me ( get gut man for real ).
Lessons learned:
- Whatever you have in your life, death of a loved one, breakup, financial breakdown, everything. Keep going no matter what, force yourself to socialize, you never know what might happen and it's miles better than sobbing in your own home. Trust me, I was a heartbroken mess, I wanted to cry all the time and yet I pushed myself to approach this girl randomly.
- Be easy and willing to let go with an easy going attitude, that's how it's easy to win them. I was willing to walk because I had no horse in this race, I just wanted to help and have some playful interaction to keep my heart from hurting after my LTR.
- It's not your fault all the time, sometimes stuff just isn't going to work for whatever reason. This girl might have worked great for me as an LTR, but it so happened that she got back with her ex and I'm glad for them, they look happy and she's proven to be a good "friend" at least on instagram.
- Even if you don't win, if you stay in touch with them, you will get second-hand social proof from them to their circles, don't underestimate that no matter what.
Still a failure from some perspectives, perhaps I was too weak, or too emotional about my heartbreak to pursue further. Perhaps I could have gotten a lay, but I'm still happy with what i got, which is more experience and proof that I'm not an ugly piece of shit. Either way, I won.
Try your best, it cannot hurt you more than you're already hurting.
ogrilla99 6h ago
Good for you! Seriously. Not every interaction has to end with immediate sex. And I think you have the right mentality. Game theory talks about "outcome independence" which basically means, don't worry about rejection. Even she rejected you, so what? You'll never see her again, and she'll live on in your head only if you let her.
You also didn't think too much and let the moment pass. You decided to flirt, then immediately threw out a line, and see where it went, not caring which way it might go.
And you're right, the more you do this, the quicker you'll get over your LTR. When I've had bad breakups, just hanging out with my boys at a bar or club and chatting up a bunch of women would lift my spirits enormously, even if I didn't go home with any of them. I enjoy flirting, and if even 1 or 2 women responded enough that we had a fun conversation, it at least helps me realize I'm still desirable, and that there are tons of hot, fun women out there that I don't need to dwell on my ex.
Keep going, and you'll be fine.
PS. That girl is keeping you around for in case she breaks up with her current bf. This is a good thing. She sees you as potential, just that the timing isn't right. If you're still interested, consider this time as extended flirtation. That is, don't become her subservient nice guy friend that she can vent all her troubles to every day. Don't constantly hit on her either, and exhaust her when she clearly can't say yes right now. Just keep friendly but not too frequent communication going, enough to remind her that this fun, sexy dude is out there whenever she's ready, and wait. In the meantime, keep pursuing other women. If you end up dating someone, even for just a few dates, let it drop casually to make her understand that time is not on her side, if she wants you she needs to make a move before you're permanently taken. Eventually, it'll be your turn.
qzone 20h ago
It wasn't a failure at all. If you close one door on your emotions, they just knock on a different one. Life isn't about the evasion of suffering. Breakups are going to suck but you are doing exactly what you should do following a breakup. Behavior, emotion, and thought have a reciprocal relationship and by putting in effort toward accomplishing your goals, you're working to heal your emotional state.
I may be reading too much into this, but you are enough as you are. You would be surprised the low quality of dudes that hot girls have fucked/LTR'd. You want to be the ugliest guy a rocket fucks/dates, not the best looking guy a girl will ever get. Being the former means your game is dialed in. Know that self improvement is great and you should do it but you are enough to fuck/date hot girls as you are now. Either way good field report. Keep up the approaches.