Field report and ranting:
I re-opened a girl on snapchat I had slept with before a few years back. I got her to come over a few days later and I slept with her. She has a nice body, face is alright. She ended up leaving after the second round (like 1 hour and 30 mins and she was gone) which was unexpected to me. I don't mind hanging out with the girl after sleeping with her but I realize that this may be one of my shortcomings. I have an issue with keeping my whores as whores and letting them deeper into my life. If she is really fine I tend to want to spend more time with them, if she's ugly I usually want to get away after the lay. The issue is that if the girl is fine and a whore then spending time with them gets you emotionally bonded to them (that is troublesome), and since I live a life of solitude (work remote), it can be nice to have someone to be around and be friends with (but again that shit is a relationship whether there is a tag or not).
Usually girls that do that (want to leave quickly) are whores. She had sucked it before when she was drunk (a few yrs ago) but not this time (she declined)... not sure if I'm not attractive enough while she's sober or if this girl has standards (as she knows she has a nice body and can get away with bossing guys) or anxiety issues (probably a mix of all idk). I should have probably kicked her out of my bed right there when she said no but beggars can't be choosers. She also is just weird in that she wanted her tits to be covered and when I was hitting it from behind she seemed uncomfortable ... like she didn't want me to see her asshole or something.. that is until i started hitting the right spot and she just relaxed into her self and started enjoying it. IDK seems weird maybe she has anxiety? anyway...
It's my first lay as I was on a break from fucking since I had slept around so much before (slept with only two girls past two years after sleeping with 100+ before). I got sick of it and life got in the way of me being at my best so I took a break. So I'm just now remembering how to deal with girls...
She initially did give me the date when the next time she might come is but I think she called me on the weekend and I was a bit annoyed that she had me as a "back up" plan and told her as much ("oh so I'm your back up plan"?). She wanted to see me Sunday instead of Fri/Sat which I thought was weird given that well what could be more important than me and she genuinely enjoyed me fucking her (and she said she wished she planned it better so she could stay longer). She had told me she wasn't seeing anyone (which I now realize was stupid of me to believe given her history) which probably played into my annoyance with her putting me on the back burner. That moved me down her totem pole (telling her oh im your backup, yes stupid me) as she went from giving me specific days when she might come by to telling me she would let me know when she's free. I didn't know that she was dating anyone, so she likely was seeing her bf or something on Fri/Sat (or so I think) since she seemed very flaky on scheduling (also she left my place during the day after 1-2 hours to drop off her niece.... smells of bullshit).
Since then, for the past 1-2 weeks she keeps messaging me asking me what I'm doing and doing little check ins (sometimes sending me photos) and when I ask her to come over she says "when she's free she'll let me know". Anyway, she's been playing this stupid game where she texts me for attention to see what I'm up to (whether I'm fucking another girl probably and if she should come fuck me instead) and I played my cards stupidly (took her inquiries at face value instead of realizing her motives behind it) until I finally realized what she was doing.
I think my issue is that when I get these texts, I'm taking it at face value like "oh she texted me, she wants to see me" whereas in her mind it is "let's see if he's worth fucking again" which I now realize I need to keep my machiavellian hat on at all times. After she reaches out I try to initiate a meet up which I think takes away from my standing as I've invited her over multiple times for which she declined and made an excuse. Eventually I realized she asks what I'm doing to see whether I'm doing something or not, and if I'm not making her jealous or feel like I'm doing something important without her, her mind goes "oh well not gonna fuck him because he's obviously not fucking anyone else" (she knows I won't date her as she's made jokes to indirectly push it in that direction and I've responded implicitly like ... it's not that easy bitch).
Anyway, I'm annoyed because she has lied to me (it's my fault for believing the lies) and now she is constantly "testing" me, messaging me to see what's going on. In a way she is playing some type of psy op shit on me which is tiring. Again she texted me this past weekend saying "wyd" and I just said chilling u and she said same. I didn't say anything to continue the convo because well she told me when she would be free and if she really wants to see me she would come over.. I shouldn't have to keep "begging" or continuing a convo with her when she hasn't came over or prioritized me. Anyway, she didn't say anything after that responding that she was chillen. So the next day, me being slightly annoyed as to why she's fucking with me, I said good morning only to ask her how her weight loss program is going (I said it in a funnier way) teasing her a bit and qualifying her to try to sway her back. I think it kind of worked because while she answered defensively, when i asked her what she was up to afer that, she tried teasing me back about something else, and then i really pushed the teasing and challenging her to the point where I got a "ok." (she seemed annoyed) message and then I went back from that position a bit and she laughed and that was the end of the convo.
I think it was alright but it did come off a bit salty as she probably knows im a bit annoyed that she's fucking with me (which kind of tells her I'm bothered by her actions because she's my only option). I was growing tired a bit of her putting me on the back burner and fucking with me and I wanted to either push her more in my direction or get her away from me. She hasn't reached out since and I haven't reached out... and I don't think I can reach out for a while at least because that would seem weak. Can't go from trying to put myself above her to now reaching out again can I? She will be trying to probably make me chase...
Why am I writing this report/rant? Well annoyed as I had the upper hand after fucking her but promptly gave it back to her for no reason. I can't even say I'm most annoyed that I don't get to fuck her again, it's more I'm bothered by being "played" and because of my lack of abundance, being stupid enough to not see what games she is playing on me.
I just realized that someone that has abundance would not be acting the way I've been acting since we slept together. I think it was a combination of me falling for her traps of information gathering, and me actually not sleeping with anyone else. If I had been a little less rusty and realized that these girls have an agenda and I need to be aware of what her motives are for reaching out, she would probably still be eating out of my hand.
I mean, she will probably reach back out to me shortly (most likely) but it's interesting to me the psychology behind the conversations. She's just trying to find out who I am by some words and she was able to find out who i am quite easily. I should have made it more harder if I'm not having true abundance.
Anyway, here are my takeaways for myself and anyone that is reading so that at least you get something out of reading my drivel. I made all these mistakes with her:
DO NOT BELIEVE A WORD THEY SAY. Do not draw conclusions from facts they have given you. We are at war with the opposite sex. Anything you say can and will be used against you. Don't feel sorry for them ever. When she texts you, try to understand what her motives are and ignore your own. Do not qualify yourself. Do realize when she's qualifying you and disqualifying herself (she did this to me and I didn't realize it in the moment), and take advantage of it to flip it in your direction. If you are going to neg her/qualify her/disqualify yourself, do it in the natural flow of the conversation and not when you are annoyed by them. Best to do this when both of you are having a good time otherwise you will come off salty. Obviously abundance is #1 if you can have it, but if you can't you need to learn to hide your lack of it. Say less, let her talk and do the heavy lifting. Make sure the convos are her chasing you and not the other way around. When she reaches out, as much as you internally are happy and want to instantly respond, understand that even your response time signals to her how important she is to you. You have to put your "wants" aside if you do not have true abundance. You need stay in power and not give it away. When you realize that she is fishing for attention and she has put you in place #2 or #3, when she does reach out make her chase you (my next move when she reaches out and says hey, how you doing? me: chillen... do not ask her how she is doing... or, respond after 2 hours and act warm but make excuses as to why you were busy ... aka make her chase you)
If you truly have abundance probably don't need to do any of this shit it will come naturally but for most men that's not the case.
I will personally continue to get stronger... I'm currently trying to get to a 2x bench and 2x squat and 20-30 pull ups. Then I think I will be in a better place abundance wise... also just need to step out of the house tbh cause I'm a fairly handsome dude. I think my lack of interest outside is the main determinant to my lack of abundance....
Thanks for reading... any advice, criticism is welcome.
dreams 10h ago Stickied
I realized re-reading this that while messing up the opportunity of sleeping with this girl is a bit annoying, I should be more on top of my game if I hope to be in control of my short/long term relationships in the future. Yes, if my SMV is out of the girls ball park it will be quite easy, but you should always be aware of the war that is being played on your mind in order to not fall for a trap. I should sharpen up.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3h ago
My man, as good of advice you are giving other men on this forum and as many successes as you say you have, you are overthinking the fuck out of this
You remind me heavily of some of the hamstering I have done, bless the guys on here who had the patience, about lowly whores when you're in a bit of a dry spell, ego drought
She is clearly trying to commitment trap but her lack of enthusiasm is placeholder boyfriend level. As in, she was willing to put some chips down for a temporary relationship she will eventually branch from but not less. She is most certainly talking to other guys if not fucking them
You wrote way too goddamn much, even for a vent. It was repetitive. I had to eventually skim despite my best efforts
You need to address your core issues. You are a sexually successful man in a bonding/companionship drought.
A lot of this would be solved by having high T male friends for companions, and two, not giving a shit about an unenthusiastic lay.
The amount of times I went from a cold woman to one bending over backwards for me is common enough you can't take this seriously. If this dumb whore is defeating your head space you've already lost the good fight
Every woman is different, has different types, etc, and brings different energy to the table than other women. You can't automatically take it as a reflection of yourself. They all have an entire life's worth of sculpting by the people, memories, and experiences around them making them who they are.
If a bitch isn't playing ball when others have it's often a reflection of her, or partially you if you're in a rut. But it's almost always them if you at least know what you're doing and have the experience to back it up.
If a woman is not working out for you despite experience and skill, find a different woman.
Thank god men on this forum have led me to better days. I currently have a really good chick and it has honestly just made me realize that a lot of your experiences with women are going to come down to the woman and not you
You can't let this shit eat you alive. Toxic low self esteem whores are, well, toxic low self esteem whores
You can't let their desperate psychological games slay you like this. It has nothing to do with you but you're making it have something to do with you by being off your game and in a dark place
Lack of pussy (or ability to acquire it) will drive most men mad. Men who don't have pussy but who could easily get it usually don't care and do their own thing often enough.
You're clearly not a guy who could acquire it on command (at this point) and if you do and can you're not acting like it
Get your head out of the dirt.
dreams 1h ago
I love to overthink and understand the psychology about what it is they are doing but ultimately you’re right. Self reflecting like this over anyone/anything can be a losing proposition.
Perhaps self reflection is a hindrance and it’s best to just focus on what you want and ignore what they are saying/doing and that is the best game to have.
It seems like that’s what she does though. Gives it up, feigning her interest levels, keeping you interested while she psychologically deconstructs you into long term submission. It’s interesting that some women aren’t like this though or at this level of fuckery.
“If a bitch isn't playing ball when others have it's often a reflection of her, or partially you if you're in a rut. But it's almost always them if you at least know what you're doing and have the experience to back it up”
I’ve had a few women do a lot for me, so I realize there are ones out there that will bend over backwards but yes this is spot on. I think most likely this is just how she is.
“Every woman is different, has different types, etc, and brings different energy to the table than other women. You can't automatically take it as a reflection of yourself.”
Awesome, thanks.
And thanks for reading my lengthy post and replying. I will re-read it tomorrow to see what else I can take from it. It is all excellent advice really. I’ll try to keep my posts more concise in the future.