Need advice. Is this workplace jealousy? How should I deal with it? | TheRedPill

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benzino

Posted 1mo ago in Building Power - Permalink - Locked - 759 Views

Context: I work in a startup along with a team of other creative individuals. We make e-learning videos. I started a year ago with no problem. I have a different workflow, but my output was higher than everybody else. I was awarded employee of the year because of that.

But just now the tech lead of my team has decided to single me out and send a long message to the whole team talking about my performance being bad and sub-par.

I think this doesn't make sense. I have asked the tech lead and my team's manager for feedback on my work on multiple occasions and there was never a problem. The manager also frequently compliments my performance. I know mistakes happen, but definitely not on the level that he's saying, and not to the extent that I'm worse than other people.

Let's make it clear: I dont want to quit, at least for now. I need the money.

The team's manager has sensed something's up and called a meeting with us 2 days from now. I thought about showing the tech lead's work and mine next to each other and point out how he's full of shit. But I dont think that will help me in the long run. I dont want to stay silent and just let this tech lead guy walk all over me when I know it's bullshit, either. I decided to show up at work like normal and keep silent until the meeting.

I feel the reason here is jealousy. Because I've been assigned one of the tech lead's pending projects and I was doing a great job improving everything. I can show a comparison of the work he has done in this project vs mine and the difference will be clear. I also mentioned different workflows. The old and slower workflow was created by the tech lead himself.

What should I do in this situation, guys? I dont like the tech lead but the manager is okay and reasonable. So is the founder/ CEO. I dont want to quit just because of one employee. Sould I have a separate talk with the CEO first and decide? I'm also thinking of asking some people from other departments who have worked with me for feedback on my performance (just for "annual reviews") including good and bad things, so I can use that as defense, in case the tech lead guy tries to get me to lose my job.

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benzino 1mo ago Stickied

and a side rant: I noticed how Im not as stoic as I try to be.

Reading the message from the tech lead badmouthing me on the team group chat, I was angry, heart beating loud, fuming at the mouth.

I thought about typing a wall of text to defend myself and say that he's in no place to criticize others. Luckily I took a deep breath and stopped, I didnt reply to that message at all.

Im sick of workplace drama. I came to this company on THEIR offer. I just show up, work, go home. Never engaged in gossip. Got tons of IOIs but never shat where I ate. Why is it that problems are still finding me?

pancakesforbreakfast 1mo ago

I have experience with this. No-stress-cat hit it right on the nose. Do exactly what he suggested with being non emotional and speaking strictly about work you've done along with accomplishments achieved. Doesn't hurt to make a list beforehand.

Since you've been doing good work, lay it out clearly for your manager and the situation will blow over. If the other person is clearly coming at you personally, then it's even possible to bring that up to your manager after in a 1 on 1 setting and make them aware that you aren't happy about this. The manager's response will inform you how much (if) they value you.

You did well not responding emotionally. Remember it's not about you. In my case, the girls who came after me, after realizing I won't roll over, immediately went after two other guys on the team. Some people are just retarded.

benzino 1mo ago

I went with your advice. Had a talk with the manager over some beers. I told him I'd like to hear what he thought of my performance objectively.

He confirmed that I met KPIs, put in extra effort and agreed the lead was being unreasonable. He said I should talk 1v1 with the other guy and settle it. If we can't then he'll step in.

I guess he's on my side? At least for now. Now I'll see how to handle the other guy if this is something personal for him.

pancakesforbreakfast 1mo ago

Yeah just let it blow over now. Have a meeting with the tech guy attacking you, scheduled through email, and keep it 100% professional. "Hey I was wondering based on your message if there's parts of my performance you see room for improvement in?"

If it's objective and reasonable requests, then the guy is just an autist who has no interpersonal skills and everything is fine. If he's grasping for straws and trying to make you feel bad, keep an eye out for him. Don't take shit from him, hit him with "hey man, i feel personally attacked by this conversation opposed to discussing the intricacies of my work" if he's really out for you don't hesitate to bring your manager into play. he doesn't want to lose you.

if you bring the manager into play, the frame of the conversation is NOT about the quality of your work. it's about a toxic workplace environment.

benzino 1mo ago

I had a meeting solo with the tech lead.

He put up a list that he has prepared, long one. ALL are negative points about my skills. It seems he's set on getting me fired.

I secretly recorded the whole conversation. I asked him to pull up the pending project and compare 2 pieces we've worked on.

I used the list that he made about me, pointed out he made as much, if not much more mistakes. and a lot of these mistakes in my work are creative differences. Asked him why the double standards, and why no good points when they are all documented. He just could not answer my questions and tried to sway the topic to how I show up late and isnt always at the office (which is my fault admittedly, but I made up in unpaid overtime and never missed a deadline).

I talked with the manager again. He assured me that he got my back. He told me the lead has done the same thing to 2 other people to get them fired - grasping at straws etc. He said he's still the manager and he has the final decision so I dont have to worry.

Worst case is I get disciplined and he'd take it with me because he vouched for me in the first place.

But one thing I learned from this is to stay as low key as possible. and too high SMV and too much attention also brings unwanted trouble in the workplace. you iust have to deal with it I guess

pancakesforbreakfast 1mo ago

Ok, so this is a pattern from the tech lead. Like I suspected, it's not personal— he's just a retard.

I disagree with your conclusion to stay low key. There's a number of options you have now which include taking the tech lead's job and the increased compensation. The manager is aware to some degree about his retardness and that is a point of weakness you can attack.

My advice if you want to maintain status quo is simply document everything you do and keep communications strictly professional. Email him weekly status updates with work completed, so if this escalates you have a paper trail of your work and willingness to remain professional.

No-Stress-Cat 1mo ago

I'd walk in with your Employee of the Year plaque, prop it up on the table, sit back easy in the chair and say, "So, what seems to be the problem, Bob?"

Whatever you do, don't get all emotional. Speak strictly of your accomplishments. Remember, it's all about actions, and not about the person.

"You seem to be taking this kind of personally, Bob. Can you show me the data that brought you to the conclusion my performance has been been bad and sub-par?"
Put the ball in his court. He's the one who opened his mouth, let him be the one to shove his own foot in it.

benzino 1mo ago

Thanks for the great advice, I'll keep that in mind.

I have asked him for data and he was being very vague about it - criticizing filming techniques but with no screenshot or anything. So no doubt this will be talked about in the meeting.

I'm preparing:

a short presentation of my work that shows how I paid A LOT of attention to details, unlike what he said
a comparison of the pending project's earlier work (his) and mine to show I have improved things on all fronts
some testimonials from people I know in different departments

The thing is I dont want to create enemies (maybe too late in this case). and dont want to be too aggressive either. so your advice is solid. I'll just stick with the facts and maybe leave out all the details related to him personally (like saying Let's compare MY work and YOUR work haha).

pancakesforbreakfast 1mo ago

Adding on to my response above: be defensive ONLY to the degree it's needed. The conversation should not be about you vs the other guy— this shows you are taking it personally. I wouldn't even reach out for testimonials. Have a list of all your work that has contributed to the business in the past year in your back pocket. The frame of the conversation is figuring out what the other guy's problem is and how it was unprofessional how he handled it but you're willing to let it slide in the name of group synergy. Only if the manager asks for evidence should you pull up past work, and then non-defensively explain the methods you used to complete it. Try to keep your ego out of it.

Hondurak 1mo ago

Ive been in two really bad start-ups. Both in fields I found unethical (wholesale real estate) taking advantage of people in foreclosures, bad health, obituaries etc. We mainly targeted the elderly and Afrtican American communities (my bosses found them as "easier" demographs to exploit

Both my bosses try to play the card that theyre really fucking chill and super fair. But the moment you stand up for yourself, and bite back a bit (if youre defending yourself for example when being called out), then they will in your face give you a smile and act like nothings wrong. Then youll get fired within a week or two. Theyre trying to save face in front of the workplace by seeming open and fair. But when you plant the seed they know they need to cut you out asap, when no ones looking.

Both times happened to me. Got called out, stood up for myself (in a fair way not ignorant) and they both acted really chill and encouraged everyone to do it but they couldnt take it i guess. Both times i was fired after.

I didnt mind because i never saw these as real jobs. They were using us salesmen as scammers basically. My point here is that, you have two choices. Suck it up and take the hits or stand up for yourself and risk getting fired. In startups, the boss is usually some nerd who is trying to be alpha and a "leader" but hes actually not and is just a normal frustrated ex-employee trying to start his own company (which may fail like all the other ones).

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whytehorse2021 1mo ago

He's probably trying to get you out so he can get his friend in. Happened to me. Get your resume ready and fight back and try to reverse it on him.

benzino 1mo ago

it is possible. I am collecting evidence just in case, so that if they fire me, they can't say it's performance related and have to pay compensation.

I also have enough dirt on them so that in case shit hits the fan, the company and this team wouldn't get out unscathed either. Anonymous letter to copyright authorities or something like that, because I know the scriptwriter plagiarised the whole project we're working on.

For now I will stick with the advices above. Carry on like normal, non-emotional.

whytehorse2021 1mo ago

I'm saying you need to be active, not passive. He's probably whispering in your boss' ear every day. You need to be whispering too.

benzino 1mo ago

I'll see if it's worth the hassle. I can always bounce from this job if its too drama.

Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago

I haven't been in a such a work situation but this sounds like bullshit. He just sounds mad and hopes you get unassigned from his opportunity

It sounds like you work in media? (Don't doxx urself) But if you work can go on a USB drive just put the work in question on the drive and at the meeting if he critiques it ask for specifics

Have the USB drive on hand, and know what relevant timestamps he is likely to try to shit on. Have a trigger finger read to offer review on the drive

Here's the important part...

Don't do it defensively. Just like with women when you're trying to get information out of them just feign confusion. Don't act like you know what he's talking about. Act genuinely confused because you're the prize and a great employee.

"Bob, I'm just a bit confused.... Can you explain to me which part of X project seems to be not up standard???"

Throw in some confused tone and body language. Everyone else will also be curious what he's talking about. When he has to pull an explanation out of his ass (cause he doesn't really have one) wait till he's done bitching and thinking he has the killshot and then pull out your USB and confidently make the move to put it in whatever comp they're using and say "well i have it all here and I remember where that part was"

Don't ask. Be assertive. Just make the move to start putting the USB drive in. Don't give anyone a chance to rebut or say it's not necessary, make him look like a fool by simply showing the objective work for everyone to see, which will worsen his standing and increase yours

If there isn't anything wrong with that part of the work just nitpick. "I mean yeah that editing on xyz could have been a bit more ABC" and the manager and everyone else will be like "nah it looks fine the way it is"

And this jealous chode will just look like a iy crying wolf and nothing else he critiques after that will look serious

Just act innocently confused and prepared with your work and cakewalk it. Don't act like a Chad. If everyone else is equally confused what he's talking about he'll look bad and you'll look like (man why was this guy even shitting on benzino, what's his problem?!"

benzino 1mo ago

golden. I love the Playing dumb part. completely makes sense.

When I think about it, a manager would also prioritize team synergy more than a talented but outcast individual.

I will just act confused at the meeting, then tell him to be precise with what he want me to do, then I'll do it. (Of course, if he gets into details, I can ask some "innocent" questions, then his bs would show)

Overkill_Engine 2 1mo ago

Treat the workplace like you should a woman:

Realize that you are only going to be valued for what you can provide right now. A decade of hard work means shit to an employer if you are currently an issue.
Don't show weakness/get emotional.
You don't get to have/be a problem. Your role is to be the solution.
Anything you do/say will be used against you at a later date.
Provide value that someone else can't just take from you/take credit for.
With any social setting there are going to be assholes looking for easy targets. Don't be one.
Have a backup plan/be willing to walk the second the ROI isn't there.

benzino 1mo ago

Realize that you are only going to be valued for what you can provide right now. A decade of hard work means shit to an employer if you are currently an issue.

Understood. I'm not trying to be an issue, but someone getting jealous with me is out of my control. I'm trying to get the employer to understand that I'm co-operative and deliver results. That guy is causing needless drama.

With any social setting there are going to be assholes looking for easy targets. Don't be one.

If this is jealousy (I was assigned his pending project), then there's not much I can do about that

The rest I agree. Thanks.

I had a separate talk with the manager about this and he agreed the tech lead was out of line. So I can sense this is something personal. The manager told me to have a 1 on 1 talk with the guy. We'll see how it goes.