I feel like such an autist | TheRedPill

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Delaney

Posted 9mo ago in Rant / Vent - Permalink - Locked - 1.5K Views

I had everything lined up perfectly. I was driving this girl I had known for quite a while, back to her house after a party. Countless IOI's. She was basically complimenting everything about me, and as I was taking her back, she made comments that seemed to imply "Finally, this is happening. You had better invite yourself into my house. Your loser friend has even done that much". Loud and clear message. Easiest job in existence. Even without my Red Pill knowledge, it would have been IMPOSSIBLE for me to misread the situation.

We arrive at her house.

We talk a little.

She gets out the car.

She thanks me.

She goes into her house.

I do nothing.

Here I am, with perhaps the easiest fucking scenario you could possibly conjure. My "reward" was being handed to me on a silver platter, with neon signs screaming "Take! Take! Take! Take!"

And I don't take it.

At this point, I can only think that I'm just... scared to win. I mind feels worthy of the fruits of my labour, but my body couldn't agree less.

It reminds me of a time when I was reading a romance novel. I enjoyed the story greatly, until the final chapter, which lead to the couple having sex. Once I realised what was about to happen in that story, I began tensing up... and panicking. I did not expect this at all. I found myself struggling to actually finish the chapter - which was supposed to be happy and a satisfying conclusion to a love story.

It's evident that no matter how close you put me to the finish line, I choose not to cross it. It feels like all my effort has been for naught. I can only predict that I'll somehow begin bursting into tears if I somehow actually get to foreplay, if I'll ever allow that to happen...

(Note: I realise what this may imply to my mental health, so let me make it clear that I am not a victim of sexual abuse. The only sexual experience I have is with my hand.)

Permalink

Gilles 9mo ago

I have two questions in relation to this:

Are you a perfectionist?
Is this a general pattern for you, or is it just this particular girl?

I used to think that I need to employ ALL red pill knowledge in order to get even a basic girl. Just like a perfectionist. You don't need to do everything right, especially if a girl likes you. Then you just need to make a move, even if its bad and you can see your own mistakes. You basically can't fuck it up no matter if you're think you're poor/acting like an autist as you said.

Delaney 9mo ago

Are you a perfectionist?

I definitely used to be. Though I realise how unrealistic that ideal is and have been aiming to curb it.

Is this a general pattern for you, or is it just this particular girl?

A general pattern all my life, for as early as I can remember. I've also been aiming to curb this, and I like to think that I've gotten a lot better with managing it. But unknown territory still gets to me, evidently.

You basically can't fuck it up no matter if you're think you're poor/acting like an autist as you said.

I suppose it's easy to forget how girls can be willing to give you a second chance. At least, I certainly do.

Gilles 9mo ago

I'm not sure about second chances, that's for her to decide. That is out of your hands. My point is just that you don't have to apply game perfectly. Any kind of move will work if a girl is into you. Just do something to escalate the situation.

It also sounds like you blaming yourself a lot, and I don't think this helps you. Since this is a general pattern for you, you should have patience with yourself. You can achieve what you want, but you may need a bit more time. Try to escalate, but don't blame yourself a lot if it doesn't work out. Remember there are always more women.

Problematic_Browser 1 9mo ago

You didn't do it because you didn't want to.

Nothing wrong with that.

-3

No-Stress-Cat 9mo ago

Agreed. Now, she'll be hamstering as to what was wrong with her, and why didn't you invite yourself in, all those signals and you didn't bite, gotta try harder next time, maybe she'll just jump on your dick and surprise you next time, right there in the driveway...oh my giggle giggle...

Diabs 9mo ago

What are you spergs talking about he clearly said he wanted to, he just chickened out.

Problematic_Browser 1 9mo ago

If he wanted to, he would have.

-4

Delaney 9mo ago

I did want to. If nothing else just to get over this hurdle, because it's not the first time this has happened to me.

Problematic_Browser 1 9mo ago

If you wanted to, you would have.

Take some ownership of your actions/inactions. The rest is cope.

-1

Diabs 9mo ago

I used to do this when I was younger I would always have girls that liked me and I would fuck it up by not daring enough. One day you'll just get frustrated enough with yourself that you will say "fuck it" and just go for it then never look back. Keep trying bro you will beat that nice guy conditioning.

Delaney 9mo ago

Thanks. I appreciate the encouragement.

[deleted] 9mo ago

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Delaney 9mo ago

This is encouraging to hear. Thanks.

I turned this around by saying fuck it, fucking a prostitute, then clearing up on tinder

I had considered this route. Entering new territory has always been strenuous for me, so taking off some of the pressure would help. Though I'm not really in a position to be forking out money right now.

How old are you?

[deleted] 9mo ago

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Delaney 9mo ago

Thanks man. After hearing this I might just go for it. The sooner I rid myself of this anxiety the better.

[deleted] 9mo ago

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whytehorse2021 9mo ago

I understand this must be really frustrating for you. It sounds like you may have some deep-seated fears or anxieties around intimacy that are holding you back from pursuing romantic connections, even when the opportunity presents itself clearly.

Rather than criticizing yourself, I suggest looking at this with compassion. It's okay to feel nervous or afraid in situations like this - these feelings are very common. The key is not to beat yourself up, but to work through the root issues gently and patiently. A few suggestions:

Consider opening up about this struggle to a close friend or mental health counselor. Talking it through can help provide perspective and support.
Try to identify where these fears around intimacy come from. Were you shamed about relationships growing up? Do you have insecurities around sex or your sexuality? Unpacking the origins can help dissipate their power.
Don't avoid future opportunities for connection, but take them slowly. Let any potential partners know you want to take things slow. Build emotional intimacy first. Small steps forward will build confidence.
Consider reading about techniques to manage anxiety and panic in relationships. Cognitive-behavioral therapy methods could help.
Be proud of putting yourself out there socially. Focus on the progress you've made, not what hasn't happened yet. Healing happens at its own pace.

Keep your chin up. With time and compassion for yourself, you can absolutely move forward and create meaningful intimate connections. You've got this!