I've had a problem with online gaming due to the competitiveness in the past. First person shooters (FPS) have been my kryptonite due to ranked ladders and an endless competition of having the best aim and being the better player. I've been sick this week and last week. Last week I was hustling to drop of resumes at places I applied for, and did two interviews. I've been sick with this norovirus/cold and when I'd have some energy I'd be pushing myself to do that, gym, or even go dancing. I stayed sick.

At the end of last week I decided to download an non-online non-fps game out of boredom. I was fatigued and felt too dumb to do intellectual things or be productive, I could "rest and play." Nope, going till 2am every night isn't resting. 2am is closer to my regular bed time, but I needed to pull the plug and rest more to fight the virus. And so for the last 5 days I just played and played. Time flew by so fast, and I was climbing an online ladder. It means nothing though.

On the 4th day and at the end of a 10 hour session I was scrolling Facebook. My former boxing coach is very active, and he uploaded a photo of the class after training. I had a moment where I wondered what the fuck I've been with myself. I miss boxing. In that moment I thought about my vulnerabilities again, online games. They perfectly highjack my competitive drive while pumping my brain full of dopamine. Watched TenZ, a pro streamer play Valorant for about 20 minutes. The dopamine was flowing, and I was just watching (imagine playing, they're so addicting). It all doesn't matter though. I decided long ago to not be a professional, so playing is literally pointless.

Seeing that photo on Facebook awakened a sleeping desire that I had for the combat sports. I have myofascial pain syndrome which is described by constant tightness and adhesions in the fascia and muscles. The more you work on it, the better you get and vice versa. If you're soft tissues are too immobilized, sudden intense activities could put you in pain for days in addition to creating more work for yourself. Honestly, I've been lazy working on myself. I could be more limber and in a state of maintenance that would allow me to do such a sport. Instead I used MPS as an excuse not to box.

Just like that I put in 50 fucking hours, time flew by so damn quick. I also knew I was sinking in so much time, but for some reason just didn't care. "I was sick." Well if that's the case, it's time to cut back since I'm well. Even when I was sick and running errands, I found it in myself to cold approach and grow a little more. That's more fulling than any game I've ever played. There are many books I wish to read, people to study, and ladies to fuck. My life is much better than my escape now, but still needs tons of work.

Imagine how I could've bettered myself in those diversified 50 hours. If I'd just rested I'd gotten better a lot sooner. Seeing that "Exit Game" button is my reminder, it's just a game. Now it's time to exit and move on as a man.

Maybe there's a lesson in this for everyone here. Be careful not to give up on yourself in the name of entertainment, social media addiction, or whatever vice you struggle with. Come back to reality with me.