I had a friend I was in a band with, a good guitarist. Not a good looking guy though by any means. He looked like one of the fucking orcs from Lord of the Rings. There was this really cute, popular girl he and pretty much everyone else was into in our large music scene, and he was always sending her the same boring messages nearly every day, "Hey, what u up to?", little did he know though, I was already in a relationship with her. I met her outside of the music scene, so wasn't aware he knew her initially. I remember when I told him face to face, it was like he was shell shocked. Understandable I guess, wasn't my intention though. It just came up in a car conversation.
That passed, and we carried on as a band. I didn't notice at first, but every time we went to a party and there were girls around, he would subtly try to sabotage me or bring me down. He wasn't specifically the only one (I have loads of examples), and every time I handled it like it was a joke or nothing serious. Flip that around though, I knew he was having a hard time with women in general and I actually genuinely tried to help this motherfucker, gave him pointers, tried to be his wing man etc. Me and that girl broke up at some point later down the line, and what is the first thing he does? He starts hitting her up immediately, and to absolutely no avail. She had zero interest in him and I wasn't actually that bothered by his actions, but it did open my eyes a little more. I found all of this out though funnily enough when she and I hooked up for a few ONS post-breakup.
Anyway, we stay in the band, and we continue the parties. No arguing ever, I was just slowly downloading info and becoming more aware of the kind of dude he was over time. And he was one of many. I remember I started seeing a different girl who was within the same large friends circle/music scene. We had a party at her place one night; him, my band and some others all came over and it was a cool night. Later on that evening though, most people have left, but he sticks around. I'm sat down on the couch with her, and he walks into the room after using the bathroom and randomly just calls me a "bitch", and I laughed and said "Nah, I'm not". I thought it was odd, but in that moment I just let it go. He then follows the girl I'm seeing into the kitchen where she is making food, and she texts me saying that she feels really fucking uncomfortable and he's stood right behind her breathing down her neck basically. We ask him to go home.
Now, I went through some trauma during this period of time for a few months. Nothing to do with this guy or anyone in particular. Just some depression and personal demons I was dealing with. I clearly wasn't my usual self, but I was invited to another party after not seeing anyone for months and months. This dude was at the party, and miraculously he'd got himself a girlfriend at last. I was happy for him, and I expressed that as best I could despite feeling anxious and depressed. He notices I'm not my usual self though, and took that as an opportunity to try and belittle me in front of everyone a couple of times during that party. Obviously he was riding the high of having an actual girl be interested in him at last, but I also saw it as pathetic behaviour, like he was trying to get one up on me despite the fact that I'd never stabbed this guy in the back or given him any reason to dog on me. He was happy to see me going through a hard time. To add to that, he also had the audacity to say/joke before I stepped into the party "don't hit on my girl" or something to that effect, I can't really remember. And not that I'd ever hit on a friend's girl but it made me realise 3 things:
- He was a fucking hypocrite.
- He was insecure as fuck.
- He obviously saw me as a threat which I hadn't even fully realised up until this point.
Honestly, I've always had a healthy mistrust of people, I don't ever hold grudges but I let this dude get away with way more than he should have simply because I considered him a "friend". Contrast his actions with another guy who was in the band who to this day is still my best fucking friend in the world - he's like a brother to me. A guy who always had my back, was never ever jealous, generous, kind, optimistic and loyal to a fault. Lesson learned.
I didn't see that dude again for a long time after that party, but during that depressive phase and isolating I thought about all of this shit and it made me angry realising how much of an insidious, jealous little hater he was and angry at myself for not seeing it sooner, and I promised myself that I'd be more aware of this kind of thing in the future and learn to cut off the people who are like this immediately because they are pure poison, and you cannot help them. Trust me, I tried. We have jammed once or twice since, and I don't enjoy his company or particularly even being in the same vicinity as him but there are other people in the music scene I'm there for, plus my love of music. And as I said, he was one of many during that time. I have so many stories.
Anyway, if any of you dudes have stories like this, then please feel free to share here. I'd be really interested in hearing about them and what you've learned. Cheers!
Lone_Ranger 1 10mo ago
good friends are rare and scarce. Put effort into finding and maintaining them.
Hoes are neither rare nor scarce. Do not waste your time and effort finding them.
whytehorse2021 10mo ago
I used to be like that guy. It's a sexual strategy that guys learn from women. Of course it fails but they see it working for women. They can't compete so they try to disqualify you in the eyes of the woman that's interested in you.
The important thing to know is that everyone is in competition with everyone in order to serve their own self interest. If you learn the 48 laws of power you're more likely to get your interests served and not be used to serve someone else's interest.
dongking 10mo ago
Low SMV dudes are much more likely to try and sabotage your success with girls, bad mouth "what a player you are" and so forth due to their lack of access to women. Crab mentality.
Also a false belief that being a white knight might get them laid.
MidgetSpinner 10mo ago
I always thought he was a strange dude, but he is a good guitarist, so when we eventually got into a band together I gave him the benefit of the doubt, like I do for everyone. I didn't see him as any kind of threat to anything, and when my girlfriend at the time was showing me the constant messages from him I just thought it was funny, not only because of his attempts, but also because he had no idea I was with her. That makes me seem like a dick, but he was eventually informed as I said, and I was kind about it. Felt a little bad for him even, stupidly.
There was info that came out during our friendship that was a HUUUGE red flag, and everyone found out about it. If that had been me, I would never have shown my fucking face in that city again.
Some girl that he was seeing years before I knew him basically outed him on her Facebook page because she'd had enough. She was seeing him for about a week, maybe not even that, and he was lucky to get that to be honest because she wasn't ugly at all. In the post she outed him with, there were multiple screenshots of e-mails from him, messages, him pretending to be someone else to try and coax her out, all sorts. Basically for about 2-3 years he was non-stop harassing this girl after she'd stated a million times she wasn't interested, blocked him everywhere she could, and he still would not stop. He was saying fucked up things in the messages as well. Really creepy shit.
And even AFTER we found out about that, everyone still gave him the benefit of the fucking doubt. So that tells you the kind of SMV this dude has, and how stupid all of us were.
Durek_The_Bald 10mo ago
I have a friend like that too, also a guitarist. I don't care, because I know it's insecurity. He's not a bad guy, but scarcity turns guys into giant pussies - and being a giant pussy brings more scarcity. So there's a loop of perpetual virginity going on there. If he didn't put on his white knighting PC hat the minute there are women around - thinking it's going to impress them if he "corrects the other guys" - I'm sure he could've gotten laid from time to time. But the ego investment in that particular approach is just too strong - to the point where he can't even recognize it as an approach.
MidgetSpinner 10mo ago
Concerning my old friend, it was more than that he was just white knighting, he was trying to make me look stupid in front of these girls in order to elevate himself which backfired every single time. If I was him, I'd probably be frustrated and annoyed with me too because even the girls that did show him some interest, were seemingly more interested in me but I had the respect not to do anything with them because I wanted him to succeed. Looking back now, that was stupid. Life isn't fair, and part of me feels guilty about that, but at the same time fuck him. There are other people perfectly comfortable with themselves that don't feel the need to shit on others in an attempt to succeed.
I totally get that. I felt the same way for a while, which is why I let a lot of it slide. I kind of felt sorry for him, but appreciated his part in the band too. He's alright to get along with normally, but all of this jealous, sneaky hater shit made me realise he's not actually a good friend, or even a good influence to have around. Not for me anyway. He was trying to keep me in the bucket, so he could get out of it himself, whereas I was trying to get everyone out of the bucket with me.
Have you thought about introducing your friend to the Red Pill? I know the Red Pill is something that usually needs to be discovered rather than preached, so he probably would be dismissive of it.
Durek_The_Bald 10mo ago
No point. Like most semi-virgins, dude's already a bloody expert on what women's wants and needs are :D It's fine though, I generally don't talk to my friends about this stuff, not directly. I use this place to satisfy my blabber mouth needs.
OPPTRP 10mo ago
Low value males are like women when it comes to their friends. They don’t do the same thing like cock block by saying she has a boyfriend or she’s not interested but they will do things like
Belittle you in front of girls or a group Interrupt your conversations Bring up embarassing stories Say bad things to the girl. If she’s cute and innocent say you’re a player. If she’s a hoe say you’re a nice guy
Should have cut this guy off from the jump and certainly ignored him at the gathering.
realitychek12 10mo ago
In college I was part of this club, we once got some funding to organize a conference at a hotel. During group dinner, I met this girl who was attending and we just hit it off! We just chatting together during dinner, I was being a little flirty and she vibed back - lol we even started following each other, I was having a good time so I didn't read the room, I didn't know people were staring at me. I was just having a good dinner. After the dinner we separated.
Later that night a party happened in one of the rooms, I attended, and she was there. It was a chill vibe with drink and I was hoping to interact with her later that night. Soon a party game starts. They were calling out events from the conference like who was the funniest guy , most helpful, hottest... etc. Then out of nowhere mfs go now we have spotted a love rumor going on that needs to be addressed, u/realitychek12 needs to get a twerk dance from the girl he had dinner with. WTF!! The girl got so embarrassed she ran to her hotel room. That shit was so unnecessary, that I suspect that it was intentional.
But in the end it didn't matter either, the girl turned out to a hoe, so