Long post but it's of value if you're struggling or want to know what my personal backstory as a user is.

(Not claiming by any means to have had it worse than anyone else on here, just anecdote of a failure and hardship to a success story)

I've never posted my origin story so here it is

My origin story. don't give up, there is always a path forward and success at the end of the tunnel

I posted about a week ago some mental struggles I have overcoming some of the loser mentality that clings on from my past despite a lot of objective success in the present.

Figure I'd post my full back story for people to learn from

I'm going to do my best to cliffnote and abbreviate some life details. Most of my life pre-success is themed with social difficulties, so you can probably just fill in the blanks if I keep some details short

My mom miscarried several times. I wasn't even supposed to be born. My mom miscarried the exact number of children she ended up having, so had she not lost them, I wouldn't have been made.

I started my life out as a confident little alpha kid. I was smart as fuck everyone liked me, girls wanted me etc. I was incredibly talented. Problem was my mom sheltered the fuck out of me and essentially crippled my social development into oblivion by cutting off countless opportunities for me.

Preventing me from going to friends events, scolding me very harshly when I got my first fifth grade girlfriend. Threatening to ground me if I saw her etc. My mom micromanaged the shit out of my life and it got infinitely worse after a doctor diagnosed me with bipolar disorder (it was a correct diagnosis, my mom just reacted like a helicopter parent over it).

My mom took me from being a super confident alpha kid who was extremely comfortable in his own skin and basically just made me terrified of talking to girls and anything to do with sex. She wouldn't even let me watch titanic because it had some tits in it. My mom destroyed my social development when I had tremendous potential

Constantly got spanked at home by dad for bipolar outbursts and mom basically ran the house because my dad is blue pilled and let her control how we all lived.

Dad never gave me any dating guidance or anything. He married my mom after years of dating after meeting her at 18. He never played the field, just got locked down.

I wasn't abused but I ended up always being under some kind of emotional instability etc growing up and without any meaningful guidance on women

5th grade girlfriend dumps me right before middle school starts. None of my best friends went to the same middle school as me. I was a loner for most of middle school thru end of highschool

Went on to be absolutely depressed as fuck and got diagnosed bipolar days later.

I wore a lot of black. Went from alpha kid to typical loner loser. Made a wardrobe improvement in 7th grade, one of the hottest girls had a huge crush on me (saying a lot because she also liked the most popular jock too)

Girl ("L") misses last day of school but my mom mentions to me in a car with my friends that "L" said she wants to see me over the summer. I don't answer my mom's question due to how surprised I was at my mom's sudden attitude change.

Summer goes by, I ask "L" if she still likes me on the first day of school and she says no. Struck with horrible oneitis for 4 years straight till I ask her again.

Got rejected a ton of times by other girls in these four years too it was brutal

I am autistic and also OCD so I quite literally obsessed over her for 4 years continuously every day of my life till I asked her out again

Keep in mind, being both autistic and bipolar is a constant feedback loop of despair. You cannot social much at all which makes you depressed, and then being depressed makes you unable to socialize

It was fucking horrible. I could barely hold a conversation. Forget even trying to have game, I didn't even have conversation.

I was almost completely fucked. I literally would hang out in groups and have nothing to say at all. frequently

It was absolutely hell from a dating perspective and emotional regulation perspective.

I was frequently extremely depressed and majorly suicidal

Somehow hot chicks kept flirting with me but of course I bungled all of them. I had hot pussy at my fingertips regularly for some fucking reason but had a zero percent chance of recognizing that at the time because of

1) autism. I almost failed to recognize every ioi till years after

2) and even if I did, I didn't know how to hold a convo at all.

Shit blew massively

It's 11th grade now and "L" turns me down immediately when I ask her out. She had a boyfriend by the way, I was a serious loser to even ask.

4 fucking years of obsessing over her for that moment and massive depression and regret for what we "could have been if I had just hung out with her that one summer"

It was shameful. I wasted four years on that moment. That's all I got for it. I cried in the hallway and when i got back to our desk she asked if I was okay. I sulked and slept at my desk the rest of the semester

I go on to make two female friends a couple months later, S and K. S and K, due to various social difficulties on my end go on to both falsely accuse me of stalking (quite literally both had no reason to even accuse me after I got closure and we made amends YEARS later.

S's mom threatens a restraining order on me, I end up getting hospitalized two different times (one for suicidal ideation and planning to kill myself and sneaking pills out of my house) and then a month later I write a sweet and kind letter to her mom apologizing like a bitch. S brother calls me instead and threatens me. I self injure my arm pretty badly.

These girls both fucked me up and I had a horrendous mania (upswing of bipolar) and hatred that lasts years.

My mania and obsessive rumination was so bad that I think two years after working through Enough of the ordeal mentally, I finally got my peripheral vision back. I was so in my head and consumed by it 24/7 that one day I just noticed my visual field come back peripherally. It was bad.

I drop out of high school after the administration forces me to stop talking to several different people and putting various "safety" measures on me that made school insufferable

Before I dropped out I got ridiculous popular for some reason that is beyond me, with jocks and girls. All the hottest girls were flirting with me, hugging me multiple times a day, using baby talk voice, a few grabbed my number and obviously wanted to fuck in hindsight. One asked me what I was "doing Friday night". Same chick asked if I was going to the dance with anyone. She was a legit 9. fucking retarded I could facepalm all day.

I had other hotties a grade older than me tossing themselves at me too and I missed that too because autism.

Instead of taking a free lottery win I spent the last few months obsessing over repairing my friendship with S for round two of yes, platonic friendship. So disappointed in myself for that one. I lost contact with all the hotties after I dropped out.

I also blew one chance to get into a relationship with HB 7 girl I really liked because I was too much of a bitch to ask her out. The night I ask her out after our date, she says she likes me a ton too but that another guy asked her out first that night. I obsessed over her too for two more years

A couple years later I had a sex addict friend and ended up passing up so many easy lays of cute or hot friends he had that wanted to fuck me. I was too proud of being a virgin to fuck them. God damn. Found out his younger sister that I was emotionally close to fucked his gangbanger friend who was in a major US gang and it red-pilled me into depression and I self-injured with a handsaw after we argued about it. I still have 3 of the 8 scars I originally had from that. It was fucking stupid, I don't know why I did that.

I was so hopelessly BP and sexually frustrated that I couldn't understand how this gang member was pulling girls out the ass. I saw this man get numbers like it was no one's business in front of me. Dude cold approached solely off of looking like a pretty boy alpha gang bro. He kept bragging about a new lay every 2 days. Was telling me stories about fucking 3 chicks a night.

It made me feel insanely hopeless.

Same month I self injure I start lifting at the gym and two months after lifting I lose my virginity to a chubby 5 that I brutally rejected and blocked the year before and make her a FWB. She leaves me for some dude and then I FWB her ex friend and she ends up my LTR for a year. Bitch is a cluster B with hallucinations and other shit, threatened to kill me driving at one point, and caused me a ton of relationship trauma and lied to me multiple times a day. She waters me down into a spineless chump.

I dump her after about a year and go on to have a 7-year dry spell (march 2014- July 2021). Also I never fucked my LTR, just lots of oral, so technically my dry spell was actually 9 years but no intimacy for 7

I go my entire 4 years of college with zero pussy despite it being a sexual hookup cornucopia of easy sex

My autism apparently made some other girl uncomfortable my first semester and I end up oneitising and obsessing over her too and never having the confidence to go for other girls.

I get rejected by several other chicks and get no pussy in college of all places. I was still so blue pill I just wanted a relationship, I thought if I had casual sex again for a 3rd time that no girl would view me as LTR material.

I find TRP in December 2016 but don't use any of it in a practical sense till 2020.

Year 7 of my dry spell and ik looking up how to buy a gun to kill myself with.

Get introducded to country dance around the same time in 2021 by some asshole friends that tricked me into joining them at the venue and finally end my dry spell to a BPD chick in that group a couple months after that severely fucks up my mental health for obvious reasons.

I'm suicidal as fuck again. Hit tinder and get laid and then had another bad experience with a rape victim that thought I escalated too hard

I don't date for almost a year

Last year it turns around. I hit tinder again, completely clean pipe on this one girl who was a total bedroom freak for me, and then continue to get laid every 1-2 months after she ghosts me.

I couldn't keep a lay around more than twice until a FWB I had from last October to Christmas even when I dumped her for another chick I w saw from Christmas to February.

I've just been getting laid since then and girls generally stick around no problem.

I now have absurd social proof, other people (guys AND GIRLS brag about my game, they literally say "game") and I'm quite popular and likeable at the moment.

I'm also about to finish my masters degree despite having been a high school drop out

The thing is I worked hard as fuck for all of this, and you can too. You can change your life with the right mentality and drive to fix your circumstances

Yes, I know I left out HOW I fixed some of these problems (spoiler, it was following TRP and constantly increasing my value and plate management skills) but my point is

It doesn't matter how shitty life is. It doesn't matter how fucked you are (most of the time).

Keep learning what you are doing wrong and be resilient and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel

Will answer any questions if there are any

I do want to say that having the humility to honestly ask myself what I'M DOING WRONG INSTEAD OF BLAMING WOMEN, as well as trying to have a positive attitude no matter how bad I felt, was the biggest turn around for me

ALSO, you are not going to find success without taking risks. You have to stick your neck out there. Failure is a pre-requisite for repeated success. I fail easily 2-4 times for every success I have. But that's okay