Went to the bars with the guys last night for the first time in awhile. Really had my head down training and working on business stuff so I wasn't sure what to expect going back out there.

Honestly, it was terrible. I didn't enjoy the experience at all. It wasn't my friends' fault, more the atmosphere. The crowd doesn't seem to appeal to me anymore...the girls all dolled up and wearing next to nothing (jeez it's only been like 5 or 6 couple years since I was at peak bar crawling age but I feel like the girls now wear half as much lol) but at the same time they seemed...I guess vacant is the right word. Like they were trying so hard to have a good time, but it was a show and not the real thing. The music kinda sucks, like it was made for a strip club and not a dance floor. I don't drink nearly as much as I used to either, and there was no NA beer to be found which made it feel more awkward.

One guy's brother was out of his mind on something, literally staring off into space most of the time. It was uncomfortable to be around. Apparently he was watching the fights and had bet a ton of money on one (money he didn't have) but he looked like he was mentally on another planet.

I've been told before that bars and clubs are basically designed to create an uncomfortable environment where guys feel that discomfort and buy drinks to feel better about it. In my experience that's never been more true than last night. I don't drink like that anymore, and after two beers I wasn't feeling it. The girls were hot, but they seemed more like actresses desperately trying to sell this idea of fun, rather than like real people who were actually having fun. It wasn't an attractive package, even if the wrapping was sexy. I'm sure that my discomfort played into my experience, since a guy who looks uncomfortable in an environment won't be getting tons of attention from women anyways. I'm usually the one driving a lot of interactions, but at the bar it seemed like I was on the back foot.

One thing that really stuck out to me was the bartenders. They were all these decently attractive blondes (whoever the manager is he definitely has a type haha) but they had that thousand cock stare and it's amazing to me how repulsed I was by it. One of them especially, a couple years ago I would've been completely taken with a skinny little blonde like that but last night all I could see was that miserable expression on her face and those dead eyes.

I don't think I'll be hitting that scene again. I don't know if this is all a sign of how much I've grown as a man, or if I'm just missing the exit and going full MGTOW without realizing it.