So I've recently started becoming really close with a girl I've been friends with for a while. She tells me all of her personal secrets and emotions that she tells no one else (not even her close girl-friends) and is really comfortable with me touching her (doesn't ever move away, even seems to enjoy it and reciprocates sometimes). If we sit next to each other, we are always touching thighs or knees of some sort. She even mentioned how I would be a good boyfriend unprompted, out of the blue, while we were hanging out with another friend.
Today we were going to train together (we go to the same BJJ gym), and she was wearing booty shorts while we were training, but after a while she decided to put on sweatpants which I believe is because she wasnt feeling the vibe much. But she suggested before we went to training that we go to a coed sauna together. Unfortunately the coed sauna was closed so we went to a regular sauna separated by gender. Afterwards, as I was driving her back home, we were listening to the Weeknd and I mentioned how the Weeknd has good sex songs. She laughed and agreed and we were talking about having sex to music and if I enjoy having sex to it. She talked about how she likes having sex in the shower with the music playing and the conversation went like that for a bit. I was flirting with her saying that I didn't know she was like that and how I thought she was a cute and innocent girl.
I noticed that she seemed a little nervous while talking about this and was avoiding eye contact. I finally made a "move" by telling her how I would act if we were on a date by putting my arm around her and getting in close, all in kind of a joking way. She recoiled when I did that and exclaimed, "Don't do it on me! That's gross! Also that move is cringe!". And then she talked about how another guy friend couldn't even make a move on a girl that he went on a date with. After that things got a little quieter because I didn't really have anything to say after that and was honestly a little taken aback at her reaction. She didn't really seem extremely uncomfortable because she probably didn't think I was serious and she changed the subject to a BJJ topic as I dropped her off and that was that.
In hindsight I may have been acting like an over excited virgin but anyways, how should I read into this? Was I escalating too quickly? I feel like she was already comfortable with me touching her so she probably shouldn't have recoiled that hard. Also based on the previous things I mentioned, I feel like im getting mixed signals in a way. Can I get some input from you guys on what's going on? Thanks yall.
Durek_The_Bald 3y ago
Waaaaaaay to slowly. You've already been friends for a while, recently starting to "get close". You can't detour your way into a girl's pants like that. It takes only minutes, even seconds, to put you in "this" category or "that" category.
You're deep in her friendzone. That's why your advances creeped her out. It's not about what you did now, it's about what you didn't do a long time ago. I suggest you let this one go, and turn your attention towards other girls.
Maybe she'll see you differently if she sees you branching out, and having other options. Maybe she won't. Either way, it's best for you that you do.
dongking 3y ago
Yeah you're as friendzoned as a man can ever get. She'll continue using you for free rides, food, emotional support and other services until you cut your losses. You're not Ever going to get anywhere with this chick.
Make sure to phase her out slowly or she might ruin your reputation at the BJJ gym. So be friendly but stop doing services for her.
Read the sidebar. All of it. You got yourself in this situation so make sure it never happens again.
Edit: I saw now that you've literally posted about this same BJJ-bitch for months now, how you've been stuck in the friendzone and it's tormenting you, so I doubt you'll listen now anyway. Good luck man.
Unholy-grail 3y ago
You're always there when she needs you, you provide free comfort, you don't push her for more and you're passive.
Textbook boyfriend material, made in a Beta factory.
AurelianWay 3y ago
Once you are in the friendzone it's almost impossible to get out. It's not even worth the effort anyways because your time is better spent developing a new prospect. Live and learn. You go to the same BJJ gym as her? Was this something you did prior or after meeting her? Chances are she has already banged or is some dudes plate from that gym already. Go to the gym on your own when she is not there and just do a slow fade and keep contact with her to a minimum.