Hey everyone, been having a problem here and thought maybe one of you could offer a word of advice. The post is quite long, but I hope you have time to read all of it.
A little bit of background - I'm 18 years old, in my first year of university. Kissless virgin, never had a relationship before, though I'm quite tall and not bad on the when it comes to looks. Before I started uni I went to an all-boys school, so didn't have much contact with the opposite sex - and when occasionally I would meet an attractive girl I had abhorrent social skills and never had the courage to speak to her, would rationalise not making a move on her every single time.
After moving back to my home country (in Eastern Europe) for university, I made a big shift in actually starting to work on my social skills, and started to actively work towards getting a girl. Still being very new and inexperienced, I developed a oneitis for a girl in my class and became pretty much the definition of "nice guy". During this time I wouldn't even look at any other girls. Although the oneitis certainly enjoyed receiving my attention, my actions didn't get me the results I wanted and it took me about half a year to realise that I should let her go and move on.
Naturally, after admitting defeat I started looking for answers, and after a tough battle trying to fight beta social conditioning I took the red pill and it all made fucking sense. I read "No More Mr Nice Guy", devoured Rollo Tomassi's Youtube, blog and books, spent ages reading the top posts here. Now it makes sense, I started to get how attraction for women works, why female psychology works the way it does and finally understood what I was doing wrong. At this point (February) my former "ideal girl" unexpectedly failed a crucial exam, dropped out of university and moved away - made me feel quite relieved that I didn't end up in a relationship with her. At the same time, I was doing very well, got elected into a leadership role within the student council, made great friends, slowly kept working on gaining status and confidence.
Armed with an understanding of plate theory and game, now I know I'm in a much better position than before (though I obviously have plenty room for growth). While completely abstaining from drugs, alcohol and porn, in March I continued building up my status, started going to social events and successfully getting girls' numbers on different occasions - even once approached a very attractive girl in the canteen, which was very tough for me but I still did it. Unfortunately, that's about as far as I've gotten - I'm only just starting to not be afraid of engaging in physical contact, and I'm still very anxious with escalating and showing my intentions. Even with my most recent approach that I mentioned earlier, it's difficult to even call it a real approach - I started off good but then made up a bullshit excuse for getting her number, didn't connect with her and walked away heavily sweating and with my knees trembling.
Seeing that I have so much work to do, I keep spending more and more time consuming RP content, and at this point it's become an addiction. I've started to neglect my studies, fucked up my sleep schedule, began falling asleep with my ebook on, reading exclusively RP/Manosphere books and articles. So my question is - how do I move on and stop thinking about the red pill 24/7? How can I have a good, well-rounded life, while still working on becoming successful with women?
I hope all this context and background isn't over-the-top - I felt like it needed to be said to give the full picture. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
redkit5 1y ago
You've put in order your life lastly. You have trouble with approach. Don't worry about it because you've already done the hard and big parts of your life.
Before ask her number, you have to create vibe. Thus, you wouldn't have to make up a bullshit excuse for her number. Unlike the 48 laws of power's third law, I wouldn't suggest you conceal your purpose because it gives a cowardly vibe to the girl.
Create a vibe through conversation, then expose your intention by asking for her number with full confidence (but without being needy). Whether she gives you the number doesn't matter. Your job has done at the asking part.
Vibe and confidence are the keys.
Impressive-Cricket-8 1y ago
Here's the ultimate redpill: your life is about you, and you alone.
What do you want in life? To become the next Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk? Then work hard and smart. Learn what you need to do and do it. Or maybe to become a 3-star Michelin chef? Start cooking now. Speak ten different languages? Pick the next one and start studying. Do whatever it takes.
The redpill is just a door to break out of the 50's family ideal that doesn't exist anymore; it's not an end in and on itself. If you've been spending too much time reading it, it's because you're obsessed with whatever - still women, probably. You want to understand them, learn how to get them, bed them, maybe even date them. And sure, that's nice - but that's not the main point.
If you don't have something - money, prestige, women, whatever -, it's easy to idealise it and think it's all that's missing in your life. Once you get that, everything will fall into place and you'll be able to reach the nirvana. Truth is, it doesn't work like that. Once you get to bed a 10/10, you'll realise it's not everything; it's nice and all to bed a hot chick, but she comes with a bunch of issues. And then what? There's always the next chick, but they all come with issues - some more, some less.
You've been focusing on the wrong things. Think about what you want to do in life and obsess about that. Women will come, I promise you. If you reach a certain level of success, they just feel it - you're comfortable in your own skin, you know your shit, you're just pleasant to be around. An entitled new yorker chick may not give you the time of day if you're not making six figures, but a cute 19 y.o. girl from next small town over would feel lucky to be around a guy who has his money and his own place.
Even now you probably could get a few girls interested. Don't go to bars or try OLD - unless you're in demand. If you're just above average, find a hobby which involves women too - learn a new language or teach english on the side, pick up the guitar and become the designated player when in social situations, join some dance lessons. Don't try too hard - it's your life, your pastime, your schedule. She's just along for the ride if she's lucky enough.
So, what do you want out of life? Making your own wine and having a winery? Flying planes? Doing brain surgery? Writing books? Obsess about that and women will come - it's not the other way around.
ArgentBeacon 1y ago
Thanks man, I really needed to hear that.
I feel like right now I have so much testosterone raging inside of me (maybe because I don't jerk off at all), that it's difficult to shift my focus and work on something not related to sex. I guess the only way forward is to learn to redirect this sexual energy to achieving personal goals and strive for victory.