You often hear about escalating contact levels. At some point, you decide to hold their hand while walking places.
Never felt like I had an optimal strategy for doing this, so going to try to nail down specifics here:
- How often after meeting them do you hold their hand? (e.g. immediately after approach, on first date, etc)
- Do you have threshold for kino progression before you reach this point?
- Once you start and holding hands becomes the norm to go from point A to point B, do you ever stop? Or do you just never go back?
- Two possible forms: crossing fingers or "handshake" style. Which do you prefer?
Go ahead and call me autistic for optimizing this, just seems worth it to actually make sure the obvious stuff is agree'd upon. Thanks.
pofkaf 1 2y ago
In my opinion, there are two types of hand-holding.
1) Leading her. This is done when you're in a large group of people (festival, concert, etc). You simply take her hand and guide her through the crowd. This can be done early in a relationship, even the first date. It shows her that you're confident. Not much kino needed.
2) Romantic. This is a status indicator. It depends on your relationship and how you want the world to perceive it. It shows that this girl is yours, and you're proud to be with her. This is good for when you're walking into public places together (restaurants, parks, etc.) You should reserve this until you're deeper into a relationship (FWB or LTR), definitely after you've had sex with her.
Plattlying 1y ago
sonic exe: It's always best to gauge the other person's response and respect their boundaries.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Don't hold her hand unless you've fucked already or if she holds yours
I've blown so many interested girls holding the hand before I realized it's not reasonable escalation, it's perceived relationship intent.
You might think it's a step below other kino but it's not. It instantly conveys over-investment to them
Remove hand holding from your arsenal until you've railed the shit out of her.
If she holds yours, let it be but let go at some point
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Unholy-grail 2y ago
I feel like this comes down to you. Are you okay with holding hands? I feel like not holding hands because of external perception is approval seeking. "uh oh, people are going to get the wrong idea!"
But if it's something you like doing, then why not?
Me personally I'd grab a girls hand if I feel the knot (connection) has been tight enough (which is built by sex and alpha/beta trait application)
But, I usually don't. Can't lie I fight with my desires so I can get the alpha respect.
In that case, what I do. I simply walk. Dont touch her but stand by her side and lead. If she doesn't go for my hand, we're not holding hands. When she goes for it and I reciprocate I consider it reward for her good behavior (giving me affection/attention) and reinforces it.
Holding her close in other ways seems far more beta to me. It just looks needy and clingy. Realized this the other day when I saw a dude clinging to his GF, who was dressed like a whore.
Tbh, holding hands looks the least beta on the outside looking-in.
mattyanon Admin 2y ago
urgh no...... wrap your arm around her arm or waist. grab her, don't hold onto her
They always initiate handholding.
Kissing at least. Handholding without kissing is fucking mental.
Stop / go back, tease her, deny her hand holding, make it hard for her, etc. You're not sold on her, remember?
crossing fingers ..... or...... HOLD HER WRIST.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 2y ago
Hand holding is beta/comfort. She has to earn that. If you two haven't fucked yet, then she hasn't earned it.
Engaging in beta/comfort behaviors can keep a woman around, but again, only after she has earned them. Doing that shit too soon is over-investing, and will actually repulse most women.
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Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 2y ago
I never once found a virgin. Ever.
If you find one, I don't know what to tell you.
Lone_Ranger 2 2y ago
true - but there are exceptions to the rule (as usual). If you are in the pick up phase, its sometimes good to 'show her a glimpse' of something she might like, a bit like a trailer to the movie, or the small little sample of cheese you see at the deli, that makes you want to buy the whole block of cheese. I can recall (I'm older now) that if you involve casual touch with a girl, especially when you are in a group (so there is no threat) you can hold her hand very briefly for example, while guiding her somewhere. Or you can put your arm around her shoulder and pull her into you in a jokey sort of way, for example for a group photo. The important thing is that you have to both initiate this and also terminate the touch. The fact that you intiate means that you are in charge, and the fact that you terminate the touch shortly after also means that you control how much and how little touch she is going to get. If she's interested, she is going to want more. Humans convey so much in body language. You'll also get a good sense of her interest in how she responds to your touch. If she seems cold or hostile to the touch, I would be inclined to drop that line of enquiry straight away and focus on another chic - you've not lost anything, not lost hours of talking etc.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 2y ago
There are always exceptions! However, I don't think OP is ready for that kind of nuance yet.
Lone_Ranger 2 2y ago
I agree with your original point - going for a walk holding a womans hand is reserved 100% for LTRs. Has to be earned. It's a form of visual mate guarding. Why would you mate guard a female that wasn't your mate? What would she have done to deserve the protection and security of a male? Those things have to be earned. So yes, I agree with your original reply.
My exception was just to mention that you can 'show' them a little bit of it in the pick up phase. I think this works extra well if you are tall and strong - because it gives them a chance to feel your power when you put your arm around them. I always used to do it with a tiny bit of extra power than was necessary, just to give them a feel of what its like to be manhandled by a man that was 6'3 and 95kg. The smaller they were, the more they seemed to like it.
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