Fuck me. I was waiting on the subway. Suddenly a girl walks up. We look at each other and she decides to stay near me. It looked as if she wanted to walk further but then changed her mind and took two steps back to stand near me.
I didn't think about this when we were standing next to each other. Anyways, she looked so many times and I looked back into her eyes. I looked away once she looked away. I started thinking and thinking, what do I do, it seemed as if I was calculating the hardest calculation in the world. Some of you most likely know what I am talking about, you overthink until the opportunity dissapears.
The subway arrived, we both went in and stood next to each other, again. She still kept looking at me, I catch her, look into her beautiful eyes until she looks away. I don't know what she wanted but my intiution says she was clearly into me. We coincidentally had to get out at the same stop.
Okay, we get out and walk downstairs. There you have the public transport gates. Even though I was literally walking behind her, so it would be okay to check out at her gate, something in me kicked in, like a stress thingy, I can't describe how but I just immediately walked to another gate to checkout. I could watch her though. When she walked out of her gate she immediately looked behind her. She expected me or something. Then she looked at the other gates and then looked at me for a few seconds before we parted ways.
Uhm, sorry for letting you read all of this but I really had to get it off my chest.
I know, I can't do shit about it - but I NEED to do something about my anxiety. What the fuck was I afraid for. And yes, I know, regret of not doing it is much worser than rejection, "rejection is the injection of progress" and so on.
But I COULDN'T. How do I get myself to embarrass myself the first couple of times so I can learn shit (the hard way). And so that I see for myself, even though I know that will never happen, that I won't die or something by putting myself in such a situation. And so I can desensitize more and more for rejection (if I even would get rejected, not to brag or something but talking is not that terrible in my eyes, I can have a casual conversation, the thing is getting to talk to a stranger is what terrifies me.)
How can I fix this?
Please share some practical advice with me. Or is there a guide that I overlooked?
Thankss
imtranscending 1y ago
Like a couple of guys here said, lots of our skills interfacing with women come from pre-arranged settings. I'm also used to talking to girls through ice-breaker events, classes, church, she's standing next to you at the bar etc, things which put us in social proximity to each other. But cold approach is different action, thus a different skill. Take n L-theanine 200mg if you have to (it's a calming amino acid).
You have to do it. It's the only forward. If you fall, you'll be falling forward.
Fuck thinking. That half second impulse you get before your thoughts take over is when you NEED to approach. I struggle with this myself, even as someone who's talking with over 2000 strangers within the last month through my job. Cold approach is just a different skill. Learn it, fail, get better.
User4566 1y ago
The reason you're like this is because you're inexperienced with talking and introducing yourself to new women. A lot of men meet women through other people and don't have the guts to meet women all by themselves. But it's okay to feel nervous, that's normal for people who are inexperienced. Hell, today I was at a Jersey Mike's and a cute girl was in line behind me. I didn't talk to her because I was just there to get food but I definitely thought of talking to her. I could have caught her as she was leaving.
The only way you're going to get better at this is by doing it. "Hi, what's your name :)" and you'll tell if she's into you on how she responds. Does she smile? Is she giggly?
Just focus on the APPROACHES rather than the rejections. I like to approach women even if I KNOW I'll get rejected. It builds character and makes me immune to getting my feelings hurt after a while. Once I have that out the way, I can confidently approach more women knowing that rejection doesn't sting as bad anymore.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
That story hurts to read but the biggest takeaway here is that you can either do the approaches going forward, let fate decide how it unfolds, either she'll turn you down in which case it will momentarily feel shitty, or she'll go out with you which is great. That or your other choice going forward is to relive what could have been and have to wonder.
Just remember that whatever momentary pain you'll have from an unsuccessful approach will 99% chance never outweigh the regret of not approaching at all when you see a girl you like out there.
The benefit of missing out on this chance like you did is that I'm sure it will motivate you to take action long into the future. Take the L as a short term win
Maybe you'll see her again one day on the subway
imtranscending 1y ago
I know this pain very well. OP's story is one I'm sure we all can relate to. He needs to act on that .5 second impulse before his thoughts take over. I also recommend taking an L-theanine 200mg beforehand.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
Learn to be in the habit of very quickly starting small talk with a wide range of people. The faster you start talking the less awkward it is.
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whytehorse2021 1y ago
You have approach anxiety. You overcome that by complimenting random women. It's the very first step in london day game. https://niplav.github.io/doc/game/beginners_guide_to_daygame_torero_2018.pdf
imtranscending 1y ago
I still look at this london day game pdf before I go out in public whytehorse. The pdf is very good, I see you keep recommending it. Did you write it or do the artwork or something?