This is for all you saps with boring lives who need some entertainment.
The carousel ride has officially ended and blossomed into "True Love".
My wife(43, 6 kids) has been exclusive with her new beau(34) for 8 days now, and they have found a love so noble and so pure that it's nearly impossible to describe without referencing soliloquies from the Princess Bride.
He loves her truly, completely, and selflessly from the core of his being with no malice or guile in a way that she has never been loved before. It is as if they have always loved each other. Eight days ago, she feared he was a psycho that would murder her because of his emotional problems... but now that fear has passed. As far as she is concerned everything that is hers, is also his and everything that is his belongs to her. She has already devoted herself to spending the rest of her life with this man in a love that transcends property, marriage, or any other pitfalls that life may throw.
Although my wife used to be an insatiable nympho. She has now found a love where sex isn't important. It's an elevated… higher love that does not revolve around base human urges. In the month or so that the they've been hanging out, she smashed a whole bunch of other guys, but she's only smashed him once (maybe twice as of last night.) Sex isn't important to them because it’s the not foundation of their magical love. From the third-hand descriptions of him playing with his own ass while he masturbates with her scrunchy, it sounds like he wants her to peg him. She doesn't seem very excited about this prospect, but I'm sure she'll adjust.
At first she was concerned about the horrible looks she'd receive when they are out together, but she no longer cares. While he almost looks 30 in some pictures… his mannerisms which include loud exclamations of "fo' real fo' real", constantly bursting into tears, and other childlike behavior tend to get him pegged as a teenager. In fact, when they met, she was bartending and carded him because he looked too young to drink. Most of this is likely because he has been consuming copious quantities of marijuana since age 14, and has achieved a permanent state of arrested development.
He is, however, a diamond in the rough… someone she can shape and mold into the man she wants him to become… someone who just needs a little love and help to achieve his true potential. He's not completely stunted. While he lives with his parents, there were six months of his life where he didn't. He is a successful small-business owner that earns a great living doing remodeling… but he doesn't have a bank account… and frequently loses his wallet… and most days his job plays out with him digging ditches or hammering fence posts for his dad.
Since their commitment to one another 8 days ago, at her demand, he has completely quit smoking pot (a 20 year habit). She took him clothes shopping to dress him in new clothes like a paper doll, because all of his clothes were dirty and ripped, and she didn't trust him to buy a new track suit on his own. They spend almost every evening together in sexless, wholesome, bliss... just being together. Yet despite their numerous dates and their sharing of all things in common and plans to move in together, he has never yet purchased her dinner or drinks.
Two nights ago… tragedy struck, and he revealed to her his deepest darkest secret. He's dying. After a recent car accident, an MRI revealed that decades of pot has left his body riddled with benign tumors that might kill him in as little as 20 years. After a night of sobbing, she urged him to tell his parents, who didn't give a shit. He was completely broken. Slowly coming to terms with the fact that their love will be cut short, she resolved herself to making the most of the time that they have left.
She has taken 30K of our money and purchased a trailer for the back of our property. There in her 29ft trailer, she intends to spend the rest of her days with this boy, as she molds him into the man she wants him to become. She is very particular about her decorations… her clean floors… her clothes… her storage… etc. I am sure that he will perfectly obey her in their new living arrangement as they hunker down for winter in a field of mud, and he comes home each day in his ditch digging clothes to sprawl over their bedroom/bathroom with 8 square feet of walkable floor space.
I'll keep you updated on the future bliss and happiness of these tragically star-crossed lovers.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
I lived for 3 months in a 29ft trailer with my wife and 2 kids. We spent most of our time outside. Get ready for high electric bills, unclogging their toilet, disposing of their sewage, defrosting their water lines, and having them over all the time. They'll probably want internet too so they'll piggy back off yours.
How does pot cause cancer? I know it uptakes uranium like tobacco does and those people don't filter their smoke... Benign tumors aren't really a big deal. Just monitor and remove if they become problematic.
Anyway, it sounds like she got the best man a 43yr old single mother of 6 can get. Just think of how happy his mom will be too now that he got a woman and is moving out.
Pfizer 1y ago
I ddnt specifically mentioned hannulv experiences in our d8scussion about taking that young chick off the market by the guy about her age, but thats what I had on my my mind to keep her around, earn money, bury money in Russian taiga and then eventually marry when all is well secured.
H story draws in my mind combination of Picasso paintings and Dali's melting watch.
hannulv 1y ago
He is not ever allowed to come in the main residence outside of a life threatening emergency where it is absolutely necessary for him to do so and I'm perfectly willing to go to jail to ensure it never occurs a second time. It's warm here in winter... lines don't freeze. But it is going to be wet and muddy. Their toilets do not constitute a life-threatening emergency, and if they fail, he will dig a hole in the fucking field or go offsite. There's already internet in range, which they will pay to use. He will pay half of every last fucking cent they consume in their loveshack, down to a squeeze of toothpaste or a morsel of food, or face immediate forceful eviction, regardless of work status, health status, or injury.
I have made it clear that not a dime that I earn will ever go to support another grown-ass man, and that if one such dime is ever gifted to him in any capacity, I will immediately stop earning income, and she will lose her fucking plowhorse and all financial support for herself and our children. I do not fear bankruptcy, hardship, courts, imprisonment, or death, and she fucking knows this.
Pot doesn't cause cancer, but large constant quantities cause benign tumor formation by suppressing immune functions that typically stop tumor formation. Ironically, pot also prevents tumors from growing... so it would not surprise me if quitting pot sends his tumors into grow mode. From the third-hand non-medical description it sounds like his organs are riddled with hundreds of tiny tumors, so it may not be feasibly operable.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Where does all the shit go? They gotta tap into your sewer or have some kind of tank that is regularly drained. People have completely crazy notions about living in trailers. This gets the neighbors upset and they call code enforcement and then it's your problem. You can get away with it for a while with porta-potties but now you gotta deal with gray water from showers and sinks. Might as well just drop another $11k and put in a septic system. Probably need to run 3-phase power for the A/C.
I'm going to teach you the most powerful word in the universe: NO. Tell her no. Cancel the order. Get a builder to come in and put in a step-mother house with all the right permits and human health concerns addressed. This will actually add value to your property instead of leaving you with a trailer you have to pay someone to haul away before you can sell. They can shack up there and pay rent or whatever.
As for this guy, I'd tell her no on that too. If she wants to move somebody in with her he has to be on the lease and have a job and credit check. First and last month's rent before moving in and if he doesn't pay rent the eviction process starts.
Wow, so sorry this is happening to you. I can't believe it's real. I always thought those guys on WallStreetBets were joking about their wife's boyfriend...
hannulv 1y ago
The power is 50 amp. I couldn't source a new breaker box locally, so it'll be on 30-amp until it comes. Fortunately there is a an old septic tank in the ground, right where its going. I've dug it out, trenched out a new leech line, and I need to build a new lid.
As far a permits go, its a no go for the property. 90% of the place isn't permitted, and involving them will get most of the property torn down. It's in an ag zone on acreage where everything is grandfathered and permits don't really matter unless you choose to involve them.
I would never want to build a comfortable dwelling for them here. Ideally she will eventually move out into an apartment with him and get a job. She was about to, but she got cold feet. It would easily be worth a 5k loss on trailer to accomplish that. Plus technically, even though it is a trailer, by sleeping fulltime in another residence than the kids, with another man, she minimizes her future ability to make crazy child support and alimony claims, should she at some point decide to do so.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
I'm glad to see you're starting to think strategically about an exit that would leave you in an acceptable financial/custodial position.
Do you have a lawyer yet?
hannulv 1y ago
No lawyer. Mostly by accident, I've put us in a position that weakens any attempt she might make to railroad me, should she decide to go scorched earth. For 20 years, I was the sole breadwinner. About 4 years ago we got an S-Corp. She is the CEO. She owns 90%. She gets paid wages and business income. I make a little... she makes a lot. I did it for a lot of reasons... woman-owned company... bolster her credit and income history... etc.
However... in hindsight, it makes it impossible for her to make solid demands for alimony, and difficult to get much for child support initially, even if she kidnaps the kids. I'm in a position where that income that comes in flexible. There's a no-income C-corp in front of that S-corp owned by me. Business expenses that go against the C-corp essentially just deflate our income. That C-corp can rent work space... hire retired neighbors to work... etc. These people would then be able to help take care of me with their new income, should it become required.
In another snafu of laziness, I have not filed taxes for the last 5 years. Technically, as CEO, she is 100% on the hook for the business tax filings and all business requirements. But as I work on redressing this stuff. There is no significant benefit to me to file past personal taxes jointly. As the income winner, she owes 90% of the taxes. As I am filing this stuff, I am filing everything separately. This means that all the future liability to pay this off is on her. If she goes to war... all I need to do to respond is to opt out. Our income will dry up without me actively making it happen, and she will find herself buried under a mountain of personal tax liability she couldn't climb out from for a decade.
I would never do any of this shit, because I think its horrible and she's the mother of my children, but I also suspect that the only reason she's been amicable so far is because she knows that she desperately needs me as a plowhorse. If I put a bullet in my head, she would probably need to borrow 100K just to keep from going to jail. I haven't made any threats or let her know how bad her position is. I am just working to support her in whatever she needs to do to be happy.
She has criminal record that prevents her from getting a decent job, and theoretically, that record will become sealed from employers due to a new state law that takes effect by June. I'm hoping that by June, her living conditions will push her towards moving into an apartment with the man-baby and getting full-time work. She already despises caring for the kids and desperately wants to get away from them almost all the time. I don't think she sees herself at any personal risk for alimony or child support, and I'd be totally fine if she just wanted to be free. I'd never keep her from seeing her kids or anything.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
I'll just warn you that I know guys whose wives became drug addicts. It all starts with getting away from the husband and getting with a druggie. Lots of excitement and adventure with the bad boys. Next they gotta find a private space where they can use without parents or kids interrupting. Then it consumes them. Then it becomes a safety issue for the kids.
I know you just want her to be happy and you want the kids to have their mom but the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
hannulv 1y ago
To be fair. I just want her off my hands. She seems to be taking steps to fix herself. She was at more than a liter of booze a day complete with seizures if she didn't drink, and she seems to have mostly cut back. She also made him quit pot because he acted like such a fucking retard. I'm just hoping that he'll be interesting long enough to keep her off the bottle until she gets a job and moves out.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Why would they work when you're sponsoring them? Besides she already has a job as CEO, right? Or is this one of those Mary Kay make-up MLM things? Naltrexone is a pretty good drug for alcohol dependence. It makes it less pleasurable by blocking certain brain receptors.
hannulv 1y ago
Well for one thing... I'm not sponsoring him.
She can't so much as buy him a stick of chewing gum with my money without losing her gravy train. She brought him leftover homemade soup when he was crying all night after telling her he was dying. We had a discussion after that. It doesn't matter that she made the soup. It doesn't matter that it would have been thrown out. It could have gone to our chickens or our pig, or our compost. She understands that I will immediately stop earning money if one dime of the money I earn ever goes to support another man or another man's child (terms she agreed to prior to finding him). She understands that it is the principle of the thing and not the cost. At first she was mad, then she apologized and went back and charged him a dollar for the soup.
I am fine paying for my wife until I can get her taken off of my hands, especially if that means the income continues to be hers. I would prefer it if it stayed this way through the divorce, even if it means less money for me temporarily.
This whole thing started with her wanting to be financially independent and have options and she doesn't have that. She is a paper CEO of the S-Corp I run and she doesn't do shit, but most of the checks have her name on them.
While I'm pretty sure she still has a few drinks everyday, she's gotten herself out of seizure territory. I'm also pretty sure she's not about to go into a doctor and formally document that she's an alcoholic.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
I'm sorry but this sounds like a snowball headed for hell. She's his mom and you're his dad. She's never getting an apartment if both of them don't work and use drugs and alcohol. I can see this as some proof of separation. If she remarries that gets rid of alimony. All it would take is one heated argument with you or him and it could blow up.
I know there are books that teach men how to come out of a divorce getting screwed less. At a minimum you should have everything in writing and prepared by a lawyer. I am going through a nasty partnership break up and there's so many ways you can get screwed. They can clean out the accounts, buy the property out from under the company and then charge the company ridiculous rent, file to dissolve the company, take on loans in the name of the company(or couple), etc.
hannulv 1y ago
Maybe... I always have an easy out where everybody gets screwed. I will off myself out of spite should it come to war. I really have no compunction about it. Give me liberty or give me death.
I didn't sign up to be someone else's compelled plow horse. I think she is pretty well aware that any attempt to get a judgement against me will backfire. I will stop earning money the same day. I really don't give a fuck. I'd rather be in jail or give handjobs to homeless dudes for a dimebag of meth than live in that world.
If she cares about her children enough to want me to provide for them, then she won't step the fuck out of line.
As for him, I'm sure he'll be very uncomfortable. He is not allowed to interact with me or hang out anywhere that I can see him. There's not much she can do the corporation, and if she tried it would be her own losses, and I'd just work around it. She doesn't even know where the money magically appears from. There's no property or anything, and never much in the accounts that is not getting passed through... and she wouldn't qualify for any loans that weren't personally guaranteed.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
Brother, consult with a fucking lawyer. If you're willing to go broke and off yourself out of spite, then burning a bit of cash on some solid legal advice and strategic planning, is like a drop in the ocean. It's nothing.
Don't assume it's either this, or getting divorce raped, just because it's akin to "manosphere lore" that men don't stand a chance in the family court system. The statistics and horror stories are still skewed by men who got totally blind sided, and weren't in a position to plan anything.
You, however, are not in that position. With all this wishy-washy horseshit your wife is trying to figure out of in her personal life, this is your time to get prepared, to be strategical, and work towards an outcome that will work for both of you.
And as I told you before, I'm not talking about going full revenge mode. I get that you have history, and that you don't want to leave the mother of your children in a bad spot. But that's exactly what she'll do to you if you let her control proceedings.
It's about staying in control, having the proper factual information as consulted with a professional, so that you can get the outcome that you want - including securing your wife within reason.
The strategy you seem to be going for here, which is basically you just saying shit, and drawing up covert contracts as to what it says about her if she doesn't comply, is the polar opposite of staying in control - it's you letting her decide the validity of your covert contracts. And as those covert contracts get broken one by one (which they will), it's going to leave you in a really bad place mentally. Resentment, all sorts of shitty things.
You've mentioned before how you - through shear luck - have a few things going for you with how you've set things up financially. And that's great and all, but get some legal advice from someone competent how to best play those cards. You're not thinking clearly.
Either way, it's going to be a hellish ride for a while, it already is, like beyond comprehension. But if you choose the right kind of hell, in a couple of years your life might look something like this:
Lost half your assets, maybe even most of it. Who gives shit? Assets can be rebuilt.
40-50% custody, paying just enough child support for her to support the kids on her watch.
No alimony.
You, singel guy, got your own place, spinning plates, more spare time than you've had for years, low maintenance, plenty of disposable income, not dealing with this absolute bullshit you're dealing with now, not seeing it, not hearing it, not giving a fuck.
Play your cards right, and do it now. You've got nothing to lose with what you're already considering.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Lawyers only become expensive after things blow up because nothing is in writing. A few hours at $200-300/hr for an airtight contract is worth it, imho. Right now you're dealing with oral contracts but on paper she is 90% owner or whatever. On paper she is your spouse. On paper she is living with you. On paper she is the mother of the children.
Hypothetical: You are "abusive" and "forced" her to live in a tiny trailer while you siphoned off all the money from the corporation she is CEO of. She gets a restraining order preventing you from accessing the bank accounts and making changes to the company and seeing your kids. You're zeroed out, buddy.
You really need to get all of this amicable divorce stuff in writing.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
Watch your kids. Dude sounds like a pedophile.
hannulv 1y ago
She's agreed not to introduce him to the younger children for 6 months.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
And I bet he's thinking: "Good things come to those who wait".
Seriously though, he's the only character in this epic tale whose motivations make no human sense - unless what he's trying to get out of it is access to the kids, then it makes sense he'd want this. Now, combine that with his arrested development, his extreme timidness/agreeableness towards an adult woman, how "in touch" he seems to be with his "feelings", and the empathetic nature of his transcendental, selfless love that can just overcome anything (probably including puberty), and I'm left with the distinct impression that the way he's gaming your wife is how a pedophile would groom a child.
I'm not trying to be facetious or dramatic or anything, and I know you're probably embellishing the story for comedic effect, but my pedo alarm is definitely going off here. I don't think you can trust your wife to accurately assess his character, not over 6 months, not ever, not one bit. You know, all those guys who fed her some bullshit, and then pumped and dumped her during these last months, they're far more trustworthy. Because they're just normal guys doing what normal guys do. This guy though, there's something seriously wrong with him.
hannulv 1y ago
So... I've never met him... but I'm not getting full predator vibe. This guy was in a stupor not really seeking out kids or environments where kids were before my wife came along.
I realize that there are two main types of pedos... there's the full-on manipulative exploiters and then there's the weirdos with damage that are so broken that they have trouble relating to grownups and they just gravitate towards children because they can connect.
He could be the latter, but he doesn't seem to smart enough to be a full on exploiter.
I think more likely is that he is a loner that was marginally neglected by his parents and that he became a hardcore permastoner as a teen and never learned to take care of himself or any basic human skills. (i.e. He freaked out when she asked for a togo box because he was too afraid when she asked him to get one. He then thought it was 'hot' when she used her grown up voice to talk to the hostess... she was so humiliated that she came home and cried, btw) He clearly has deep mommy issues, and wants someone who cares about him to tell him what to do (and probably peg him.) I think that no one has ever paid attention to him or cared about him his whole life, and he is acting like a newly adopted child, that bursts into tears of joy whenever she does anything nice for him.
On her end... she has wounded bird complex and wants to be needed. She loves projects and people she can fix. Early on, she recognized that the relationship could never work long term, but she reasoned that it was OK, because she was helping him become a real boy. She easily gets obsessed with people that she feels need her to take care of them. She love bombs the fuck out of them... constant gifts... makes every meal for them... to ensure they're eating enough, etc.
Now that a a few days have passed, she's deluded herself into the idea that this can work out, and now that he's entrusted her with his whole heart she knows that she can never break it. On top of that, he might die in 20 years, so time is short.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
Yeah, that's rough, gotta admit. I don't know how I'd go on living knowing I was gonna die at some point. You know, people with benign tumors that may or may not kill them at some point, those are the real heroes. I've always said that.
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hannulv 1y ago
What's the most disconcerting is the way that she molded herself to me over a quarter of century. She was smart, sophisticated, interesting.... funny.
But it was all a facade... like some kind of chameleon skin she could cast off. Suddenly, she is dressing frumpy... listening to the world's shittiest music. Her sense of humor is evacuated. She's boring as fuck... and mostly seems kind of sad and off most of the time. It's like she's made herself into the person she's with. She's emotional about dumb shit she would have mocked before. It's cringe-inducing at a visceral level.
Hanscheezburger 1y ago
Rollo talked about this (phases of hypergamy). After a few years of children and security, a new interest in young alpha begins to re-emerge, this is phase 7: Redevelopment. Probably why so many long-term marriage end in divorce initiated by women
hannulv 1y ago
I don't know that he counts as alpha in any legitimate way. He is very thin and fit enough to do manual labor, but he's an emotional wreck. She said the reason that she liked hanging out with him was that he reminded her of all the boys that wouldn't date her in high school.
With dating apps, she can get an actual endless line of young, fit, much hotter, competent, sexually skilled, fuckboys to come hit that. There's something way more meta going on with their mommy dynamic. From the way she brags about how much they don't need sex to be happy... like its a magical pure love made out of mother nature's granola... it sounds like he doesn't do much for her in that department.
It's clear that this boy is needy as fuck for a mommy that loves him, and that wifey is desperate to be needed by a new more interesting child. My biggest concern is that true love will not make it through the next 8 months, and that she will rethink her life again and want to fix stuff with me. At that point, i think my rejection of her would pose the biggest scorched earth risk.
I don't know how she maintain that with someone who is gimped and needy as fuck for that long, but I am hopeful that love chemistry can keep the blinders on for at least three years, since that is a typical minimum for people that go ALL IN with 100% commitment.
I tried really hard to help her find an older, handsome, competent guy with money... but it turns out she just wanted a retard with no friends and no life that is completely and obsessively devoted to her.
Hanscheezburger 1y ago
I dont think he qualifies for alpha either but he's young and he's probably her best prospect at that moment. I think what Rollo was trying to say is when women get enough security their adventurous nature starts to resurface. If no alpha is around then she'd gravitate towards whatever's available. Or whatever fills her niche? (In this case a momma's boy)
Thanks for sharing your story though. How was your wife before you got married to her? Was there any red flag in hindsight?
hannulv 1y ago
When we met she was 16... so I'm not sure how it really matters at this point. We we're friends and hung out all the time. I liked her. She made the first move... then she kinda freaked out a little for two days... and then we we're together for the next 27 years and had 6 kids. I was pretty much a career beta for most of the marriage.