I've struggled with anxiety for as long as I have avoid my problems. I rationalized that waiting was the correct choice, and that I could put off what I should do today in favor of immediate gratifications. Eventually, anxiety turned to depression and I found myself in a deep hole - and I kept digging. Eventually, my situation got so bad that when I looked up for light, I saw a faint shimmer of what once was completely luminous.

At that point, I was probably the worst in terms of unproductivity and uselessness and only then did I choose to escape from my depth of despair, self-pity, apathy and sorrow. The decision wasn't met with fanfare, but by somber silence. A realization. The person who controls his fate also controls how far he's willing to dig to achieve his goals. I had none, which explains why my bottomless pit kept growing. Seeing that last glimmer of light at the end of my vertical tunnel kicked me into action.

I stopped digging. I had got it all wrong; I had fucked up. This realization was my first step. Digging was my focus, not success. I caused the problem by taking the easy way down. Looking toward the light, I remembered my options, the opportunities which I ignored in favor of this destitute. It was easy, digging my unhappy hole. My meaningless existence couldn't care less - so what would I do about it?

This was probably the most difficult point in my journey, so I asked myself, why was I here in the first place? I thought and thought, and thought some more... the answer escaped me. So I stopped thinking so damn much, and did something I knew I enjoyed to take my mind off of this conundrum - photography. At first, I took shitty pictures of dark dirt walls. Over time, these pictures turned vibrant. I made dirt looked appealing, but I remained where I first stop digging. Here I layed, with pictures of dirt strewn against the earth floor. I'd made no change in my circumstance - I'd applied a small band aid to my gushing wound. Photography wouldn't solve my problem, I needed help, I needed a pragmatic stratagem to escape. In the meantime, I laid hopeless.

Many photography-like substitutions later, I decided to move toward the light. The answer was before my eyes the whole time. I needed to change my circumstance instead of simply adapt to it with external activities. I started my ascent out of the pit - bringing only my newfound skills and healthier mentality with me.

Surprisingly, my journey took no time at all. At the bottom of the pit, the intangibility of my escape overwhelmed my attempts at trying; however, once I took the first step upward, I realized my struggle was completely internal. The distance from the surface to the pit's end was great - but surmountable. After all, I had originally dug this wretched hole! Once I reached the surface, I bathed in the light's ethereal glory.

I looked down my pit for an instance, then walked away. Whatever bitterness that came out with me I crushed and chose to ignore. I ignore a lot of things now; ignoring has worked wonders for my mental health and well-being. Why tolerate unproductive thoughts? Days, weeks, months passed. My pit acts as a cautionary reminder to be productive, improve my skills and not dwell on aspects of myself I cannot reasonably change. Seeking perfection lead me down a self-perpetuated hole of despair. My greatest sin was digging toward a nebulous goal, as a goal without a purpose as not a goal worth seeking - anyone with a "go with flow" mentality is guilty of this misguided mindset.

TL;DR: Instead of living life vicariously, or without self-fulfilling purpose, or without a discernable reason to exist, escape your comfort zone and and change your circumstance, ignoring your fears and insecurities in the process. Greatness (and arguably happiness) isn't achieve by digging a bottomless pit of despair, but by working diligently toward something you're proud to accomplish, rather than something you passively desire.

Edit: Word choice/typos/grammar