Where I am from, being generous is a virtue. I have learnt it in my family and it did not really matter if money was tight or times were good. When I am out with my friends that share this sentiment a bill never is a problem and we take care of it without being super exact of anything, we also like to leave generous tips.
Now I have noticed that in my broader group of friends and acquaintances some people are extremly stingy. They always count the bill to the last penny. They do not like to give but sure as hell like to take. They always seem to be shitty with money in general and it is like their scarcity mindset with money causes them all sorts of problems. I just find it distasteful if people start to get anal about some small sum or are like "no lets not do that, too expensive, lets do something cheap instead".
What is your experience with stingy people?
NotaBene 1y ago
Generosity is often hard to gauge, as someone said it's a complicated virtue to figure out.
We use it to judge and bully people so we feel better about ourselves. Women use it to manipulate men into paying for everything they want.
Don't be so quick to judge. A husband who tips literally nothing might be intentionally saving that money, pennies at a time, for years, to pay for his kids' education or a family vacation. Then you come along and make him feel bad for not tipping, which is by definition optional.
I can't stand tipping because it's our culture's gauge on who is actually generous. Therefore people who tip often do it just to look generous, because it works. If you want to find the truly generous man, you have to know how they manage their money when they think no one else is looking.
I don't really care what you think of me not tipping. I do care about being truly generous, in secret, and managing my money in such a way that I can give to things/causes I support.
Oh and if you really want to be a generous person, stop going out to eat. It's a colossal waste of money and generally not good for you.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
They are utter trash and not worth knowing.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
It takes more than a mindset to overcome money scarcity. People have priorities and eating out or entertainment tend to be at the bottom of the list. I think you might find it repulsive because your priorities are different than theirs. When I was a starving college student I had to budget very carefully so I could eat steak once/week. Forget about eating at the hip campus restaurant that all the rich people went to.
TheAurora 1y ago
I think if you don't have money to eat out, don't go eating out.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Well if you want to hang out with people you have to adjust to their budget.
TheAurora 1y ago
I'm not talking about poor people. I often invite less fortunate people out or pay the entrance fee for them if we go to a club. I'm talking about people who choose to be stingy.
SheLarror1234 1y ago
This is like saying if you don't have money to buy food, then don't buy food. This indifferent mindset that you share is just as bad as stinginess, if not worst.
Your not automatically a stingy person just because you don't have enough money to do things! Being vocal about such is also not a telltale sign of vice. Also, its hypocritical to say; "I think if you don't have money to eat out, don't go eating out.", But at the same time call people who don't have enough money to eat out, or not enough money to do the things that you do, stingy (How you said you are repulsed by people who say things like; "no lets not do that, too expensive, lets do something cheap instead".).
Perception is key.
I agree with wytehouse on this, its more than just being stingy. I've been around both types of people. The person who has enough money to get what they want, but choses to be a niggard. But I've also been around people, and been in the position where It was more of a budget and priority issue. If I didn't know better, i would have had the same repulsion for people who had scarcity mindset with money. But it can be more than just; bad priorities and repulsive, minginess behavior. Their behavior could mean many other things. Maybe they decided that the bar is to expensive and not worth their money. Whether you want to adapt to the demand, whether you know its just them being consistently stingy, or whether you need to find new friends, or be a better one is up to you.
But one thing is for certain, and that's how money and expenses should not be a determining factor when it coms to virtue. Really. Remember, a person who gives $50 to a person in need, who only has $100 to his name, does "more" when it comes to virtue, than a person with ten million who gives the same $50 to a person in need. Also, generosity does not = virtue. A mafia boss could be generous in donation to his mass murdering son. Does that makes his actions virtuous, and him a virtuous man? Lets not intermingle the two and dilute what it truly means to be virtuous, because virtue is REALLY complicated. Way more complicated than tipping servers.
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TheAurora 1y ago
Maybe I should have been clearer in my original post. I'm not talking about people who do not have enough money or are students with tight budgets. We're all working people. I'm talking about people who have enough but are stingy or are simply shit with money.
I have met people who make 200k a year but are extremely anal about 10 cents missing on a bill shared between 4 people.
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