Mother post TDLR Had my first kiss with this girl. Apparently was giving alpha off energy by ignoring some shit tests as she was down to fuck. Didn't end up losing my virginity, but she sucked me off and I got to experience a blowjob for the first time. And a bad one. https://www.forums.red/p/theredpill/297376/huge_milestone_achieved_got_my_first_kiss_and_bj_the_same_ni/7086500/
Current At first I was uncertain if we'd meet up again because she was dodgy with my texts but she pulled through last night. Didn't get to instantly initiate kino with a hug as she didn't get out of her SUV. We drove around, and as usual she's asking me where to go etc. So I'm leading and find us a quiet spot to park on an empty street where we had a view of the city. Talk for a few minutes, can't really fucking escalate so I ask her let's go to the back seats. I need to be more commanding. I couldn't initiate the evening with heavy kino the way I'd hoped, but I need to hold frame. Once back there, we talk for a few minutes and just look Spotify. I of course position myself in the middle seat so I'm next to her and instantly throw my arm around her. Tapping her shoulder and arms to the beat of the music. Conversation can be nice, but there's much more I wanna do so I escalate. I didn't notice the same level of sexual tension last time, like she wasn't as squirmy. So I try to kiss cause I'm not a pussy and I'm met with dead lips. She looks at me with a "oh" like expression. She then tells me how she feels like she was "rushing this" and doesn't wanna get to "third base". She wants to take things slow. Low key I was a little shocked to hear this, I think I just went like "uh huh, okay". I was like "let's just make out. A couple more things were said then ". She basically asked me if I wanted to still make out. Of course I agreed.
Why would she pump the breaks on all this and refuse to fool around? Did she sense beta then withdraw or is this ASD / a shit test? I mean she's going to Coachella weekend 2 with a fucking contraceptive implant in her arm. She's most like gonna be fucking dudes there. Where did I fumble and is this recoverable?
We were just making out while listening to music. She wasn't feeling of much of my body, unlike the other night. She straddled me at one point and was trying to give me a hickey. During the straddle, she moved her hands to my lower back and gently tugged my shirt up a little. She did that twice, I thought about taking my shirt off but I really wasn't sure. She'd let me feel around her bra, but not under it. She'd put her hand on her chest and move mine away while letting out a small giggle. I worked up to stopping just short of it. Her legs were crossed and positioned over mine as she was leaning back against the seat. I was able to rest my hand high up in between her thighs. She didn't seems to mind me exploring there, but I didn't wanna push my luck and try unbuttoning her pants. I wasn't trying to commit sexual assault, nor was I worried that I would. I was just trying to accurately read her and it seems she wouldn't let me finger her or get to third base. That was pretty much what happened until I started to cough again. I've been battling this cold and cough for over a week now and I was coughing the last 10 minutes kissing plus the car ride back. By that point I was feeling tired and not myself if that makes sense. I said something weird like she should take some vitamin C because of my cough. Of course she was like "what?" My mind and thoughts were starting to slip out of that alpha mentality. She dropped me off a little past midnight and we did a kiss goodbye. Slept well and had a great workout today boys. Despite what happened (or didn't) last night I feel more calm, collected, and IDGAF. Btw earlier in the car I had already asked her about weekend plans, was that too soon? She just responded with the usual "just let me know". Thanks for reading gentlemen, now let me have it.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
You're overthinking. Many women have an anti-slut defense. They don't want to be called a slut so they have to have plausible deniability. "He was hot, I was drunk, one thing led to another in the back seat when I accidentally fell on his penis.". You didn't set up the plausible deniability.
Netflix and chill is a good beginner one. "I don't know what happened!!! We were watching a movie, had a little wine, and next thing I know he came inside me."
imtranscending 2y ago
Damn lol. That rationalization hamster really is a thing huh? I'm sure there's a way to use it to one's advantage besides being mysterious and aloof. Back to sidebar reading.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Yeah women are perfectly happy with cognitive dissonance. It seems alien to us but them's the rules they live by.
redhawkes 2 2y ago
Noise..just reframe with 'im not that easy', then continue, or go one step backwards. Rinse, repeat.
Huge ASD. Don't have time to dissect, but you need to be more dominant. Beta faggots hate that, and can't calibrate to save their life. The whole thing is push/pull/tease until you fuck her.
She can sense blue on you, hence the shit tests.
Go two steps forward, one backward. If she continues to be cold after a few attempts, do a 180, freeze out. Don't reward bad behavior with making out.
What kind of horseshit is that. Stop reading feministic bullshit. She's with you on the back seat, do you expect to play cards or something? She has slut stamp on her arm and you're afraid to finger her..cos sexual charges..jfc Finger her over her pants, then go for tits, then neck..get her horny.
Kid, read the fucking sidebar and get out of your head. Don't expect guys her to hold your hand. The more you play nice, the more she's gonna make you wait, or just ghost you. Now find 10 other hoes and practice.
imtranscending 2y ago
Thanks for the response redhawkes, I really appreciate it. I know I need a lot of explaining at times as this isn't easy for me yet. I'm rereading the side bar and starting The Book of Pook.
Just gotta say, that roast on beta faggots was hilarious. Anyways, a major challenge is good. I thoroughly enjoy challenges, especially shit tests even though I'm a rookie. I've been doing additional research on push pull as it's' new to me and I found this article. https://www.trp.red/p/vermillionmanmarch/257 For physical push and pull are switched but it was very insightful.
This makes sense, I assume the forwards and backwards applies to both leading up to and during the kissing. By "freeze out" I assume you mean cease the physical touch. You followed that statement by not rewarding bad behavior with making out. Do you mean use that push if she refuses to let me escalate during the kissing or before we kiss, and is it effective?
I was more worried about blowing my chance with her, but then that's scarcity talking. It was a confidence lacking moment of weakness. I assumed that she wasn't down, but that was just ASD and I should've pushed and teased. I didn't know about push pull in that context. I do now, thanks for the help man.
redhawkes 2 2y ago
This is from EC on TRP.
NeoSpartan 2y ago
"not in the mood" "rushing this" "not feeling it right now" and etc. are girl code for not enough foreplay and let's wait like 15 mins or so ime.
You should indeed have taken off your shirt, that is part of escalation. She even initiated it. Part of ASD is they don't generally want to be nude while you yourself are fully clothed.
Lol, the vitamin C comment was.. yeah XD
imtranscending 2y ago
Right right right. Don't pay attention to what women say, pay attention what they do. I should've taken my shirt off. I've really been second guessing myself throughout all of this. Inexperience can be obvious, but I bet she's somewhat confused. Everyone here is correct, I'm working on my inner game and confidence with women.
NeoSpartan 2y ago
Yup, actions speak 1000X louder than words and all that. You're doing fucking fantastic for a beginner btw. Props mahn. gj.
imtranscending 2y ago
Thanks bro.
NeoSpartan 2y ago
Just work on moving a bit faster and you'll be golden.
OtPayOkerSmay 2y ago
If your first physical escalation was putting your arm around her, I think that's skipping too many physical steps beforehand. Arm around is a trapping move, and if that was the first time you're breaking the touch barrier she might have been a bit weirded out.
Start with smaller things and build up - touch your leg to hers, then a light touch to the upper arm or behind the shoulder closest to you, then maybe the forearm, and finally arm around if she hasn't pulled away to any of the previous escalations.
imtranscending 2y ago
That wasn't when I initiated kino. I did playfully nudge before that, but it's hard to reach out and and built comfort with kino when I'm just a passenger. To what you're saying I think I did escalate a little quickly, but she was cool with it. It may have been a little awkward, or maybe that was just the anxiety I was feeling about the evening.
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
Too needy. Big picture is that your lack of experience and options is probably quite obvious to her. She sees incongruence.
If she pulls back you should pull back. When you keep pushing as soon as she lets you, she knows she has control. Read up on push pull and LMR.
A girls car is not a great place to make moves. It's more of an advanced arena.
imtranscending 2y ago
By incongruence do you mean the noticeable difference of how I'm acting versus how I'm trying to act? I leave her on read or unopened whenever she tries to text most of the time and I exceed the 2/3 rule. So I assume you mean neediness in person. Where do you see the neediness and how can I erase it? Like am I pushing too much?
By pull back do you mean stop my own advances / withdraw physical contact? For example, if she doesn't wanna kiss do I just not kiss? I thought push pull only applied to flirting. Thanks for the suggestion, I'm starting my study on push pull and LMR right now.
coolsocks00 1 2y ago
Yeah. You cant even expect yourself to be congruent in your behaviour yet. That's one of the reasons why it's so important to focus on flirting with lots of girls instead of giving a lot of attention to just a few.
Even this can seem strange to her and potentially put her off. She feels like she's texting with a guy who has an abundant sexual life. But when she meets up she can tell something is off; you're inexperienced.
It's hard to say based on a post but i hope the above helps a bit. Yes, you are pushing too much and i reckon it's not super smooth, understandably. You're doing a lot of things right, so dont worry too much.
Yep. If they're not super turned on by you for some reason, like the above-mentioned behaviour, they prefer to just take your attention and validation without giving you sex. So you need to pull back, or else you're just playing into her frame.
This is flirting.. applies from start to finish.
imtranscending 2y ago
Real quickly wanna make sure we're on the same page. I think push and pull are switched in the reply. I've seen two different articles mixing them up, but after research I think it's correct to be from her perspective. She or I withdrawing attention is actually a push because she feels further away. Not 100% certain on this.
So if she pushes, I push.
You're right. I'm going to put myself in a position where I can double down. Quite hard to at the moment, kind of injured but I'm getting better.
Possibly, but I'd rather seem strange than easy to read. Hiding my hand (7-2 off suit) so to speak.
Now this was very interesting. I had no idea that kissing gave HER validation, and was moving into her frame. That was playing into her frame of "I'm stopping you, and we can only kiss." Damn that was making me look weak.
Thanks for the response coolsocks. There's so much more to this than I thought. Initially I had a problem about making the move. Now I need to work on push pull and teasing. Basically making a move that gets me closer to what I want. Making her want it and ensuring that if I don't get what I want, she doesn't get what she wants.