I'm one for detailed elaboration, and this was also a meaningful night for me, so I'm treating it like a journal entry. I'll try to cut out a lot of the minute, boring bits. I'd love your guy's input to see if I correctly read the IOI's and handled the subtle shit tests she threw at me. I also got many questions. Any extensive detailing is so you can guys tell me where I did good, and where I can do better. That's why I mention a lot of the dialogue because I know I'm capable of saying something can kill the mood and dry her up. So please, let me have it guys. Help me NOT fuck this up. Not all field reports are going to be this extensively detailed. Questions or possible shit tests I'm putting spaces in the lines for easier reading.

Relevant details: I'm 21, and probably 5.5/10. Been a dedicated lifter for around 7 months or so. Seeing great progress with my body. I got good shoulder and arm cuts. My face weights down my overall look though. Hard mewing and tough chewing to fix that. About her, 21 and probably an hb 5-6, but not my type. Her social media activity is pretty much non-existent with fewer than 300 follows. She's still hypergamous, but maybe her ego isn't inflated due to her social media absence. Cause let's face it, I'm about a 5.5 who's trying to turn his life around.

Backstory: Been out with her three times prior to the night of our make out session. Kino and good laughs were common and frequent each of those times. She even bought me drinks at a club, we have great chemistry. My goal with her is FWB, and getting some damn experience with women. This girl in particular has always been following my lead, and she seems to enjoy it. Anything regarding logistics or the next move always comes back to what I wanna do.

The story: A couple nights ago she picked me up. After we grabbed out Starbucks, I recommended we drive up into the canyon. We're just casually talking on the way up and she sates "I feel like you haven't dated anyone". She's right, this was before we made out, and of course I'd be a virgin. I can't remember if I said "oh really" nonchalantly or if I just ignored her, and changed the song and continued talking. -passed the shit test? She was probing for beta weakness, and she was previously most definitely DTF. I think my response passed because it was consistent with past behavior of being closed off about my personal life. Previously I've told her a little about my family and my childhood but no more than that. I'm usually vague about the past 4 years of my life because there's nothing good to say. I was experiencing chronic loneliness and thus some terrible depression. We continue to talk then we pull up to a little lookout spaces off the road. She want's to go outside of the car which I don't mind. She notices me looking around a lot so she teases me asking me if I'm scared. Nah, but were in a location of 0 reception and there sometimes there are other cars that park in the same rest stop as us. I watched part of the Zodiac movie so I was on my guard, those damn serial killers are ruthless. I of course get out and look around with her. We get back into her SUV, but I knew if I didn't do anything I'd be a beta. I say lets move to the back seats and she says sure. We're talking back there, and she repositions to lean her seat back a little. At some point she helps me put my seat back. We're still talking and I put my arm around her shoulder, legs are still crossed (idk if that's a big deal). What does it mean when a girl get's squirmy? She slid down her seat a little, like the way a kid does when they're trying to slide out of a chair. Then she got back up a little and we're still close to each other talking, my arm around her shoulder. This went on for 10 minutes and I know I was walking towards beta territory if I didn't do anything. I'd be friend-zoned and a true beta. I kept telling myself to just make a fucking move and kiss her. I was so nervous because it would be my first kiss. In those 10 minutes we were talking about our type. She asked me and I said I got types but wouldn't elaborate. I did actually elaborate soon after because it's disqualification against her. I told her my type would be redheads and she has actually got a redhead friend, so score. I flipped the question on her. She said she's into nerds but wants the bad boy type, but always is finding herself with the nerd. At that point I should've said "Why not have both" and kissed her then and there. I'm a bit nerdish and that would've been a great opportunity to escalate, but nope. She said I'd look good in a leather jacket, I replied with I'd rock a black one. We were flirting a little. I knew it would be even more awkward if I acted like a timid beta and did nothing. Can't remember what was said next, but she was looking down at her Spotify playlists. I turned her face towards mine and kissed her with what was probably a weird or weak kiss. She kissed back though and we started making out, I just kind of followed her lead. She did a little bit of biting and nibbling, and once we finished I said "you got plump lips". What should post make out conversation be about?

What she said next was very important and leads me to having questions. In between kisses she said "I thought you wanted to be friends" and "I didn't think you'd want this". I can confidently say she was DTF before we met up this evening. So what does she mean by those statements? Was or had I become a non-threatening beta to her, or another one of her girlfriends? I was slow to escalate to that point, so I wonder if she was about to write me off as beta because of that. I just answered with "you're wrong about a lot of things". -I think I passed that.

The fog was rolling in so we went back into the city. We were low on fuel, the gas light was on and I told her to get it before we went up lol. When we got back into the city we parked outside of my house for some more making out then re-parked in a local park. I'm really starting to feel her and as I'm unbuttoning her pants she mutters "I'm on my period". I casually reply with "really." and keep making out while rubbing though her pants. I asked really again, and she said yes. I didn't give a fuck cause I was still trying to feel my way down there. I was so ready to put my piano and burrito wrapping fingers to hot use, but I didn't linger for long-I think she was honest, was that a shit test? I I didn't get her pants off which was a mistake in hindsight. They were super tight and it made it difficult to move my hand around, and I COULDN'T FIND HER VAGINA. I'm dead serious, I think I got close, but I was just trying to find the clit or something at least. I think I brushed by something warm, perhaps I needed to go down further. I switched to fooling around on top of her clothes. Next time those pants got to come straight off so I can see what the fuck I'm doing as a newbie. She said "what can we do, we gotta do something", then proceeded to tell me how she's implanted and ask me if I tested clean. I replied yes, but we don't have protection. I stupidly asked if she wanted kids afterwards (cause of the implant), but then quickly changed topics. I think that was a dumb thing to say. Then I told her she can give me a bj. She said she prefers fucking to bjs (this is all while we're making out) but she'll "give me a treat" to which I replied "treat me lol, you wanna see it."

She was ready to fuck me then and there in the car guys, she had already straddled me once. I wanted to take things slow for my sake, not lose my virginity in a car, and avoid any dumb and costly errors. I really was excited for the bj, but not gonna lie it was bad. She went too slow, and there was some teeth (I'm by no means massive or that big imo). Even with the pointers she still couldn't get me to cum after 10 minutes. To be fair it was in a public parking lot at night and some dude did walk by, so we had to pause it. Not a relaxed setting so we both weren't very comfortable. Also it's important to note I'm a recovering porn addict who has been struggling with NoFap since 17. I'm currently on a streak and was 10 days that evening. I still got a lot of physical and mental desensitization and disassociation to happen. But in the end, she just couldn't get me to finish. That was a bit of a let down, she did say she prefers to fuck. After she dropped me off at home, and that concludes the night. I was very anxious for some reason so I didn't sleep well. Couldn't stop thinking about the evening before and continued to contemplate my life and everything.

Final thoughts, blue pill prevention?:

When we were making out, she seemed to be enjoying it a lot more than me. Of course I was thinking about things like being creative with my touch, but I let things flow. Maybe I was a little anxious, but I didn't really feel that oxytocin rush that people describe. I was definitely enjoying the moment, but I felt cognitively or emotionally distant if that makes sense. I'm unsure if that's because she isn't my type or I've been doing a good job overwriting the beta script in my head. That same script of general overinvestment and is composed of 1's and itis. Is this distancing a defense mechanism against onitis, or is it just the new me? Maybe it was the anxiety, or I wasn't horny enough (sometimes happens when on NoFap). Can anyone relate to the feeling I'm referring to? Like am I supposed to be experiencing that butterfly feeling, cause that's the only feeling I remember from my past, and it's associated with onitis. I remember hearing on a Fresh & Fit episode, they said a lot of men prone to onitis. I was definitely one of those guys, I may have overcome that. I mean I just got action and I don't feel anymore invested. Like she's going to Coachella and I don't care if she bangs 10 dudes. I'm glad she's a friend and helping me socially acclimate. When I fuck her though, I understand it'll just be my turn. I wonder if this is my first big step in my RP evolution.