I have been living in Japan for 10 years. Im fluent in the language and worked here pretty much since i arrived. I’d like to write something about my experience here.
Women in Japan are often more deluded than western women. Even if you put your foot down and opt out of traditional Japanese expectations of a relationship(which is easy), you wont shake their society ingrained attitudes and beliefs. Quite simply Japanese women are much more childish than any western woman. Less realistic, and more deluded, and a lot of scheming and selfish/sophistic.
Theres a common view among Japanese that “western men are more romantic” and “more emotional”. This doesn’t mean what you think it means however. The average Japanese guy is unemotional and unexpressive, thats known. They take a shit life and hand from their women and become silent work horses never to complain. This is the only way they cope, so its no wonder they are so “emotionally empty” and “unromantic”. If they were expressing and “romantic” they’d also be the type to complain about their womens bullshit, so they have to repress all their desires and emotions.
However with all the chivalry expected of western men, what this actually translates to is “a romance machine”. They want that work horse who puts up with the shitty life and deal from his relationship but who will also provide them with all the romance and chivalry. They dont realise that usually a romantic guy will also tend to be an emotional guy, which, they HATE. This means expressing opinions, feeling life with its ups and downs, perhaps expecting her to act a certain way etc etc. this is NOT what they have in mind. They actually hate that. They really want a man who will provide them with all the romance and mushy security, but without expression any other way. The same goes for the women who want a “soft financially struggling emotional artist”. What they want is a guy who will write them queer love songs, and do all the emotionally beta shit but in a way they can show off on social media, or the guy to be featuring in some kind of events like so. They DONT want him to actually be an emotional soft and beta in the actual relationship. They also love the romantic prospect of helping such a struggling financially soul, but the catch, if there were in a relationship, would be that he has a secret stash of unlimited money and no financial problems. This is a catch 22, and the kind of delusion i mean. Its extremely common in Japan. Unbelievably so in fact. Japanese women are basically raised to believe this shit, and that the man is to be a workhorse that never complains and provides them with money, status, time, attention, romance, and NOTHING else. No opinions of desires of their own, emotions or self prospects. Any deluded fantasy of wanting a “romantic man” is with this caveat that they will also be a typical Japanese guy too(which they hate). It is senseless and delusional.
Hope this was of value to someone.
Hanscheezburger 4y ago
do you think there's some sort of selective bias here? Asian women drawn to Western expats tend to belong to a very specific group and in my experience, often are shallow, materialistic and toxic. The kind that would shoo away a good looking local guy in the club but would go home to a bald and fat English teacher in hope of landing an exotic boyfriend or get a marriage visa
[deleted] 4y ago
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Drainstink 4y ago
Exaggerated. 50% of men realised they are invisible to women. The other 50% try desperately hard. Women dont notice the invisible ones and the invisible guys are more aware of it in Japan. Thats all. This is mostly Tokyo however. There are shades of grey otherwise, and it does have age dependency. However once a real long term relationship starts between Japanese it always ends up the same
mattyanon Admin 4y ago
That's just a justification for fucking more attractive foreign men. (Foreign is attractive to women because more genetic variation).
SgtBuchannon99 4y ago
It just sounds like youre complaining. Theyre not perfect boohoo. But i bet its still easier than American girls. Just about every foreign girl is. That list is really small compared to an American girl.
I personally dont like Asian girls, but the consensus is that its easy mode.
bubby963 4y ago
I have lived in Japan for six years and am also fluent and I can tell you it is easy as fuck. Like ridiculously easy. Literally just dress up good, have a decent level of confidence, speak the language (although according to some this isn't that much of a benefit, who knows) and they will come right at you.
No one expects them to be perfect. And indeed it is really easy to get a Japanese girl as you say. But I think what OP is addressing here is this ridiculous notion some people have that Asian girls are much better wife material or whatever than western girls. This is very much not true. They are much easier to hook up with, and also imo much more feminine which is great. But you do get the odd misguided person who thinks that means they're great marriage material. That is a definite no and I think that's what OP is referring to. This weird delusion some men have that coming to Asia will let them live their tradcon dream. Nope, it's much easier to get your dick wait but they are no better than western women when it comes to marriage.
Drainstink 4y ago
Im not complaining. I just read bullshit about japan often. Its not really different here, its actually worse in many ways like i said. Just clearing misconceptions on the “traditional” bullshit
MrSupreme 4y ago
I had thought that Japan was as blue pill as it gets,and it probably is
whytehorse2021 4y ago
That's the problem with the old way of thinking. Jump to the present and be a rational male instead of a manipulated male. Use their delusion to your advantage. The tinder swindler made millions off it.
r3z01v 4y ago
Are you saying that the girls that have a fetish for you don't actually care about you.... naaaaah.
You motherfuckers need some whores. Sex is sex. Love is connection and compatibility. .... And if you wanna go further - a family is a life time project.
If you think you can find the same thing in a society where you are literally 12 hours away from 3 billion women - you are a child. Get good at fucking, find a driven poor girl that wants a family - rock her world and keep her on the emotional rollercoaster while you build a life with her in a city with under 200 000 people. Congratulations - you won the game - until you start asking to eat her pussy, play vidya on a Friday and tell her you are sad about Kevin from work not respecting your authority!!!
SgtBuchannon99 4y ago
Facts, if you want the best quality wife this is the route to take. But the #1 thing is that you are building a life around your wife without you realizing. Give and take.
I mean, being an expat is great. But sometimes raising your kids in the West is really the best thing for them. But having sex and finding a wife outside of the West is the best choice too, if thats what you are seeking.
r3z01v 4y ago
You aren't - you are bulding a life you want, a family - the wife - the red pill behavior, the leading, the investment, the chain to a property, the move to a smaller town - are all steps in that building of the life you want.
I disagree - I think our brain breaks if we are raised in the modern urban environment. The out-of-family life is much to stimulating for you to give a damn with your 14-16 year old brain about your family. I partied with too many u/a girls with good fathers, to delude myself saying that in the position of their father - they would act differently. And this is not mentioning the most important part of being a father - actually being a father, spending time with your kids CONSTANTLY, not just in between 40+ hour work week of the hustle life. I think the modern work-life balance expected from a successful suburbanite (this is even more prevalent in the East actually) is incompatible to the minimum parent child time required to actually raise kids properly. Remember - the concept of let the kids be taken cared of the state - is a very late concept and it was never created for the sake of the kids, but rather to free parents up of responsability in order for them to work.
bubby963 4y ago
Aye OP, also a fellow Japan longhauler and this sums it up perfectly. All Japanese women care about is what men can provide to them. Their entire purpose is work work provide provide so they can live the easy life. All the while they badmouth them behind their back. And this entire mindset is pervasive throughout the society, amount of times I've seen on TV or heard someone say to a man 男だろう as some reason to make him do shit he doesn't want to.
Think the show 鬼嫁日記 paints it well if you've ever seen that. Basically a man being constantly abused by his demanding narcissistic wife and the entire thing is supposed to be relatable and funny.
It's no wonder it's basically split these days. 50% of guys I've spoken to are basically "yeah fuck marriage lol" and the other half are super desperate simps who would do anything for a woman. And of course women don't find the latter half attractive (not till they're in their 30s anyway). No wonder marriage rate is dropping off a cliff.
Honestly works fine for me as I despise marriage. Can easily have sex with Japanese girls if you're foreign and good looking, we get all the fun with no need for commitment. But yeah anyone who has this deluded idea that Asian girls are somehow "different" and totally marriage material is just wrong.