I've always had trouble with neediness. I'll say it off the bat that I'm a bit volatile and possessive with women. I have three plates on the go at the moment. Fucking all of them. However I still always get oneitis if I'm REALLY into a specific girl - having an abundance doesn't seem to help things. I'm very into Girl #1 at the moment. I constantly check whenever she's online and worry if she's ghosting me - very cringe behaviour I know. I spent a weekend holiday with Girl #2 last weekend, and I saw Girl #3 for valentines night. I know Girl #1 is casually dating other guys as well and this really annoys me even though it's obviously hypocritical. I was told that dating multiple women and having an abundance mindset would solve my neediness problem but as you can see I'm still obsessed with Girl #1 even though I'm fucking two other girls. How can I address and stop this cringe beta behaviour in its tracks?
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whytehorse2021 4y ago
This is attachment. Some call it oneitis. Some people say she's not yours, it's just your turn. The problem with getting attached is it leads to loss. Loss leads to suffering. Suffering leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Don't set yourself up that way.
unplugged69 4y ago
I suspect one of two things:
a) You are young, this happened to me when I was young. I was very impressionable and the right bitch would really do my head in. You become cooler as you get older.
b) The quality of your other 2 plates is not as good, in that case your only option is to seek more plates and eventually replace #2 and #3 with better ones. I guarantee you there are women out there that you'll like more than #1, but you have to go out there and try to find them.
The thing about having 3 plates is that you're in no hurry for a 4th, in fact if you're a busy guy you probably have a limit of 3. That means you can be picky, you can be the prize, and you can only accept exceptional plates now. This will work in your favour, you'll get better quality plates and they'll be more eager because you already have abundance (for example #1 seems up your street). Now get 2 more like her and you'll be in a good place and you'll find it hard to choose between them.
Hanscheezburger 4y ago
I understand as I have the same problem.
I notice the more plates I spin, the problem becomes less and less severe. It's like the more women you date, the more you realize they're the same - as in each can have their own qualities that you like or they 're all fucked up in some ways and no girl is a unicorn.
Try writing your feelings in a journal, what you would gain and lose because of your neediness. Almost always, neediness doesn't solve anything because what other people do is out of your control. Stop trying to change them and make use of what you are presented with