Background: 25y old, kissless, dateless, been with a whore once because i wanted to see what the fuss is about (shitty experience). Spent the last 15 years basically inside playing video games. Parents divorced when i was 7 and were already in a lot of verbal conflicts around me for years. Stayed with my father who is loving and supporting but also verbaly abusive at times and was hit when i did something "bad", though this is somewhat accepted where i live and many of my peers also experienced similar things, though most of them don't seem to have these struggles with the opposite gender. I don't know if all of this has to do with my struggles but i wonder.

Basically i am in constant inner struggle of trying to convince myself that i don't want to go after women because it seems too hard (fucking ego man) but at the same time wondering if i am not missing out on my best years and my chance to experience things i will later regret not having done.

My biggest problem, that i can at least think of at least, is that i feel VERY inadequate because of my lack of experience. And i don't mean in bed, i like to think that i would gladly stumble and fail my way through that if i get there, but i don't have a good idea or plan on how to get there.

Second problem is that i often get doubts if i even WANT to get there because of the risks like STDs, unwanted pregnancies and other sacrifices and disatvantages that come with being in a relationship. I think i love single life too much, but i am not sure lol.

I feel like a boring person because i don't like the music most people around me do, don't feel particularly excited about going to different restaurants or new places in general, don't feel a want to travel just for the sake of it. "Pop culture" in general. Other people seem so interested in talking about others and it feels kinda alien to me for some reason. Be it about people in their social circle or even just about random people that are around that they see.

Like take for example last night i went to this dinner place with 2 of my guy friends and the girl that served us seemed really not into it and generally didn't provide a great service but i honestly couldn't give 2 fucks but they talked about that multiple times and i just sat there and listened feeling like an alien cuz i really don't give a fuck and i start getting doubts if that is not part of something that is wrong with me.

So as for what my question is: With having only a few guy friends and basically no real social circle, i really don't know how to go about expanding that, i feel quite honestly scared shitless by clubs, i don't know what you are supposed to do if i go there and what would happen and what i should do if i see/meet someone that i know there. Also what do i order, since i honestly only drink water lol, i am not interested in experimenting with anything, i just want something that is "healthy" and won't raise eyebrows and many questions.

I don't know how to flirt either and what women really want/to talk about and i am afraid that i am incapable/put off by the "emotional spike" talk which in its essence holds nothing of substance. How the hell are you supposed to talk to a woman about things that you think will spike her emotions, when you don't give a rat's ass about those things? Or maybe i should figure out what i need to change/do to become the person that is interested in talking about those things, but i think i am not that person, at least right now. Another thing i wonder is, is it a good idea to send FB friend requests to random women in my area and try to talk with them and ask them out? Or is that futile since it would display lack of abundance and kill my chances? I've tried cold approaching in public a few times and crashed and burned hard. I will probably go back to trying that again once we are out of winter weather. Honestly i just want to feel like a normal social human being but i don't know how and how to change my mindset into actually enjoying it, because i think its possible to want something but have a hard time actually enjoying it and i think i am in that situation and i think its not serving me well. Also often i feel scared about trying to flirt because of some kind of fear of what others around me would think, and i know thats bad, i need to conquer that and become a real man but i need help about developing the right mindset for that. Help?