Quick background. I'm M32, no kids, good income, and in recovery from my blue pill/beta past. About 5 months ago I hit it off pretty well with a 25yr old (solid 8) at party with mutual friends. She works night shift so she came very late so I didn't initially start talking to her till about 3am and I was dead tired. Didn't have the energy to stay much longer so left it at that and didn't really think much about it till I saw her again a few months after. This second time I saw her was again at mutual friends' event (at a bar) and we hit it off well again this time I did manage to make out with her. The problem is I was pretty drunk (so was she) and I for the life of me don't remember what happened and why I didn't leave the bar with her. We exchanged numbers so I messaged her 2 days later and asked her out to happy hour. She said sure but she was leaving for out of town so it didn't happen. We maintained communication through the next few days.
This is where it's clear that I had a full-blown relapse and went pure beta. I did not re-mention the happy hour or try to pick another date after that week vacation she was out or just pick a different wkd right after she declined. My bluepill mindset assumed she would make a move and brink it up. Didn't happen and the conversation eventually died. It's now been about 2.5 months since we messaged each other directly but have sent snaps (snapchat) to each other every week or so since.
I'm conflicted if I should just let this go and wait till the next time I come across her through a mutual friends' party? (and focus on other options). Or just straight up message her and ask her if she's still down for happy hour? (Despite the time gap)
I'm afraid it comes off desperate texting someone out of the blue for happy hour/date when it's been 2.5 months but at the same time I know I'm blowing it acting like a teenager by only maintaining useless communication through occasional pictures on snapchat.
Can this be fixed? Am I missing other beta decisions that I made?
-Thanks P
Peter_ty 2y ago
Thanks for the responses, especially for the reminder about more options I know not to underestimate its importance for a solid frame. I've improved on that front lately.
I ended up having the mutual friend invite her out to a party where we hit it off well and planned a date that we eventually went on a few days later (last night). The date went very well (almost too well as its gotten harder to hold back emotional investment) and I'm pretty certain she has a lot of interest in me.
The obvious issue is that I haven't been able to f*ck her yet in either of the two previous encounters (or any). Since I'm nearly certain of her interest I know its about breaking through her ASD which in this case I know is strong.
She's a nurse and despite never working there myself we have about 7-8 mutual friends that work directly with her. Their work environment is like a high school girls' bathroom, everyone talks about everyone, and they all know everything, so I know she's guarded about not wanting to look like a slut.
I'm struggling with a strategy to break through her ASD. I know if I don't make a move soon it will take forever, or she will lose interest. I don't want to nuke it quite yet and directly call out fucking but the clock is ticking.
Also want to mention how great this post is about frame/mistakes on an initial date. Helped a lot. https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/mbgk4i/biggest_mistakes_men_make_on_dates/
Tooktheredpill 2y ago
Ask her ONLY one more time to meet up. Set the day, time, and location. Make sure it’s near your place. If she gives you any answer other than fuck yeah, then it’s a no.
When you message her, tell her you’d love to get a drink with her. Ask her what days she’s available. If she gives you several options, then pick the one that works for you. If she says she’s not available in the immediate future and doesn’t give you another specific day she’s available, then charge it to the game.
At that point you ghost (don’t block) her. If she continues to engage you via text, take your time to reply, keep it short and kind then tell her you’ve gotta run. At this point you’ll NEVER bring up getting together and you’ll NEVER be the one to initiate contact, EVER! If she does, at this point bring up getting together, invite her to your place and tell her to bring a bottle of wine, beer, tea or whatever. You’re not going to spend any energy on her other than letting her inside your place.
If at this point she says no again, after she’s contacted you and you’ve invited her to your place, never respond to her ever again. Full on ghost and block. I hope all of this makes sense.
Good luck brother and if my spelling or grammar are off, it’s because I didn’t feel like proof reading it.
Growing 2y ago
Maintained communication? You mean continues giving her attention in exchange for nothing? Hm. First error.
Ask her is ask for permission. Guys who know their shit don't do that. Get your friend to set up another shit and you guys will "coincidentally" meet again.
Another thing. Get more options. You'll soon see her as unimportant as she sees you.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
There's a chance she has realized you're a guy who does not take any initiative to make things happen. You've been acting like a pen pal.
There is no why to know if she has fully lost interest or not as women typically (key word is typically) don't make the first move (even if they're interested) Ask her once more, if she says no move on
[deleted] 2y ago
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