Look I realise this is probably something for a therapist to unpack, but I have neither time or the funds to burn on one. This is a rant if you will, you do not have to read it, its not a positive rant and its not about banging chicks or self improvement (TRPs main focus' lets be honest).
I've seen a few world war 2 movies lately including Midway, which was surpringly good and rewatched saving private ryan... Back then it was more clear (At least to some degree) who the bad guys were and who the relatively good guys were, and when you did something you did it in a unison for the greater good (To some degree). I see the exciting shit the navy, airforce and soldiers got to do and think about the sum of everything I did in my 20s and really just feel like the seriously grave risks are outweighed by how alive they were. We have so much less time to be alive then we realise (Biologically the average to live past the age of 30 is very lucky throughout the course of human history). Even if we play it safe to live to an old age... how do you quantify the value of a life lived for self preservation... and prolonged existence... I look at aircraft fighter pilots (including my own grandfather shot down by ze Nazis) or even just the crewmates on a battleship and feel so jealous that their one life was lived in the moment fighting for something good.
Its less clear where to focus ones energy fighting the good fight these days... one things for sure, the good, whatever that maybe... is losing... just look at award winning journalist Julian Assange... could not have single handedly done more to keep honesty and transparency in democracy than anyone else to have ever lived... and the American empire strung him up for his efforts.
I look at the way the western world is systematically handing over the keys to China and Corporate interests... and wish we had leadership to fight for good once more... but the corruption comes from the inside of allied/western powers so deeply that to turn the ship around so to speak... is seemingly insurmountable... the bad guys are now our leaders, our political landscape corrupted entirely ... and the woke police sure havent helped in their virtuous pursuit of virtue signalling.
Its as if our leaders subconsciously want to return to the dark ages before handing over the keys to China... and you spend enough time reading about organ harvesting or what happened to their top Tennis player recently and you realise that China's government represents an evil that has never existed before... truly the nightmare that Orwell predicted... a total disregard of the human existence.
We all collectively talk with positive affirmations of fixing things peacefully, but am I the only one that can see really quite clearly that there's going to be a lot of hurting in the realms of billions of lives lost/suffering because we all thought peaceful protesting got things done... the evidence is clearly contrary to peace, the only way positive change has ever happened is when politicians genuinely fear for the lives of themselves and their families if they choose corruption...
My only... pleasure, if you will, in seeing China rise to top dog, is knowing how little regard their government has for the woke and easily offended... the feminists will disappear over night, gender and race based privileges will be gone giving men an equal opportunity again in things like education and prison sentences... and theres endless examples like this where guys will see their lives improve... but with that said, I really dont want to see the western empire fall.. as whose to say what kind of racist shit we will all be subjugated to when we have a single race deciding our future.