Alright, so I'm a [27M] and I've had this ongoing problem for awhile now. But I finally understand the root of it.

So, a little bit of background:

One of the biggest issues I've had as a man with Aspergers Syndrome is EGO. I have a tendency to look down at neurotypicals and I have a huge amount of disdain for their herd mentality. It feeds my ego, knowing that I am more independent minded and am not prone to being easily influenced by the media, especially social media.

I've always cringed when people post selfies and taking group photos of each other. Always replicating behaviors around them and conforming, being part of the masses just make me sick to my stomach. I never could stand normies because of this. Especially Millennials and Zoomers, both of which are generations of people that I've grown to despise the most because they're the most guilty of operating like sheep. Boomers and Xers are far more respectable and likeable in the sense that they do not have such a herd mentality.

I mean honestly, there are moments where I feel like I'm in an RPG and everyone around me is an NPC. People having similar dialogue and personality sets everywhere. These hot girls I see? I can find millions more of them who look and act similar for crying out loud, so what makes them so special beyond their looks anyhow?

I mean, to this day, I despise the notion of dating down because like hell would I ever date down? For the likes of me will not settle and have potential future children who will be a genetic downgrade from me and previous generations in my family due to their mother's genes corrupting them.

All of this gave me the impression that despite being so damned socially awkward and slightly out of shape, I was in a class above them due to my intellect and ability to perceive the world in a different light.

With Autistic people, I've always given them and my fellow Aspies a huge amount of respect because many of them in my experience shared a similar world view as I did with one of them calling Neurotypical people "drones". Again, it made me feel special and that we people with Autism Spectrum Disorder were actually in a higher class.

Now keep in mind, I do not feel this way anymore. At least not as much as I used to. But its prevalent enough to talk about it.

But that's just the tip of the ice burg. Bringing us to the main topic!

In my previous post, I mentioned that I thrive on competition. It's the primary source of my motivation to get ahead in life. I've always been envious of people's success in life and I couldn't stand it that these people, these neurotypicals who were so damn basic and boring in terms of personality, these fucking NPCs managed to get ahead of me.

I realize that there are plenty of neurotypicals who are just as intelligent, if not more intelligent than I am and there are so many people in their late 20s and early 30s who are leaps and bounds ahead of me. For the longest time, I've been unemployed and having to continue grinding through college. I fell behind due to medical issues last decade and now I'm fresh out of college at 26 and going to be 27 this month. So, I feel inferior to people who have a stable income and employment

In order to feel truly confident in myself with a high self-esteem, I need to be on a level > or = most of my peers who have are fit with a high grossing income. Wealth and Status have always been everything to me. I've always been one to compete and dominate over others in a power position. I've always felt the need to become a big shot in the world, to be someone of relevance, to be married to a beautiful woman and having a rich family that would be of high status.

I know, I'm coming off as a big time narcissist, but I swear to you that I'm not. In fact, I am often very empathetic to people and kind. So please tell me, how do I overcome this?

As a Red-Pilled man, I do my best to try to be the best version of me, but my disabilities hamper me greatly.