Alright, so I'm a [27M] and I've had this ongoing problem for awhile now. But I finally understand the root of it.
Idk about you all, but for me I have problems with tics. I tic in public on occasion and it will show via movement of the head and whatnot. I also have a problem with my filter or lack there of. As such, I've had some embarrassing moments in my life. It happened again this morning when I ticked again and there was a camera and a receptionist. I mean damn it all to hell, I wish I could control this shit, but now I know what causes it.
On top of this, I had gotten a bit lazy and distraught due to COVID and I need to hit the gym again and get back on my feet in terms of employment (good thing I'm a private tutor and a content writer abroad). But I sometimes feel embarrassed to even go to the gym sometimes because other men are ripped and I'm not entirely there. It sounds very beta of me despite being a sigma male. I truly get it.
However, here's the thing, my mentality has always been one thing and one thing only: COMPETITION TO THRIVE. More on this in part 2 of my question post because this is immensely important.
But more importantly, I have severe depression and anxiety disorder as well. It doesn't help that I have recurring negative memories of the past where the most embarrassing moments of my life appear and as such, I have visions of the future ending in catastrophe as if I will repeat those moments or worse moments than that will come.
My sense of humility was also molded by my family. In a way, I think they harmed my self-esteem in the long run because while they did their best to help me when it came to ticking in public and whatnot, they also were pretty harsh and controlling when I was a child. I was often spanked and I was shamed whenever I ticked in public.
They would point out my flaws with socializing constantly and would tell me that some people aren't my crowd to hang out with or whenever it came to dating it was something like "That girl is out of your league! You can't get her, you might as well be looking at Christie Brinkley". I get that I'm an average-looking man who's probably a 6/10 at best and I'm attracted to women who are in the 5-7 range primarily. It's because I am honestly not at all attracted to women who are a 4/10 and below. Not because of porn btw, I've always been this way. It's my nature. But when people constantly tell me that this woman and that woman are too pretty for me, it damages my own ego and self-esteem greatly and dramatically reduces my confidence as a whole, thus making it hard for me approach women period.
All the while, my old friends and family kept telling me that I'm "a fucking nerd who's lazy as shit" or "a total fuckup" doubting me when it came to being a success in the career path I've chosen. Even though I have severe ADHD and Autism, the former makes me adopt traits that come off as being lazy when in reality I get easily distracted. When it came to finishing college or not, the same goes with that. They doubted me all the damn time and I always had to prove myself constantly, prove them wrong because they didn't have initial faith in me at all.
Truly, I think their method of discipline has taken a toll on me psyche. My friends have been more helpful in the past, but overall due to the above mentioned, the stuff that my parents and brother have told me has been so ingrained into my head to the point where it is really, really hard for me to be confident in public because I'm always on edge, keeping up my guard every damn step of the way, watching my back and being too careful and apologetic of what I say or do.
I want to overcome this, but I need some help from you all to do it. I've done my best, but it is extremely hard.
How do I overcome my self-esteem problem? How do I reinvent myself and break the shackles that have held me down?
hannulv 2y ago
There is only one good source of self-esteem. It is called self-actualization. You get it by accomplishing the things that you want to.
There may be other ways to deal with tics, I have heard of people using psilocybin (mushrooms) to get rid of tics and rewire their brain, as well as help with anxiety and depression. Many people lose their tics while microdosing. It may not work, but it might be worth trying. It's also notable that tics are catching and not necessarily neurological. There have been calls to ban tiktoks of people with tics, because it is causing an epidemic among young girls that view the videos.
As far as girl attractiveness goes. You need to get over yourself, and just start getting with girls. It's ok to bang a slumpbuster if you're having a dry spell. Banging a less attractive girl can often help you learn to act the right way around attractive girls (aloof, uninvested, etc.)
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hannulv 2y ago
There are claims of people being cured forever, and claims of it being managed with microdosing. I don't personally know, so YMMV. My guess is that since mushrooms can unrut your brain, it is something that COULD be used if it was psychological rather than neurological. I have heard it being used by people to do things like change their walk (gate). A heavy dose can cause your autopilot to fail, so you must consciously think about how to walk, open doors, etc. My guess is that it something to do with that effect.
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Escapethecity 2y ago
Therapy bro. You got a lot going on and a professional can help you with it. You and I are similar in ways and what has helped me is monk mode. I broke it off with all my women, don't go out, and focused on my self and my world and making it as good as it could be, cooking good meals, finding positive media to consume, taking it easy on myself in terms of self talk, and giving myself permission to just chill for a bit.
I saw your other post, and it sounds like you have an "egomaniac with an inferiority complex" thing happening, which is often a trait of alcoholics and addicts, and their children, which is why I recommend seeking professional counseling. Best of luck.
NeoSpartan 2y ago
Yeah it's definitely a strange combo. I don't recommend therapy though. I recommend working on yourself until you feel genuine high self esteem. If you have anxiety or w/e that's very common, everyone has that to some extent. If there are particular situations that trigger you, try some immersion therapy, it works.
For example, I've always had a bit of acrophobia, so what I've been doing is giving myself little doses of climbing and such until that's gone. It's worked quite well and I'm pretty over most of it now. Start small and work your way up. If you have social anxiety that is manifesting itself physically through "ticks" worrying about it is the worst thing you can do. Try exposing yourself to a social situation where you feel a small amount of anxiety but not too much and work up from there. With every small success your confidence will grow and your phobias will lessen in severity. The ego trip thing you are on seems to be a cope and one that is artificial, I don't think you actually have high self esteem. I think you should work on your weaknesses and overcome them so you are able to develop truly high self esteem.
OffWorldEterna 2y ago
Thanks for taking time to check out both my posts. I've been needing help dealing with this. But idk if a therapist will offer me anything. I have recurring negative thoughts and the therapists always recommend me coping skills instead of trying to get to the damned root of the problem.
Narcissism and inferiority complex are traits of severe ADHD too.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Sounds like undiagnosed autism, to be honest. You're ruminating which is driving your anxiety and depression. I wrote a book to help people like you and I learn the ins and outs of socializing with neurotypicals. The cure for social anxiety is confidence in your knowledge and abilities to socialize. The cure for depression is positive social interactions. Anyway, here's the book https://www.amazon.com/Social-Autist-Autists-Allocentric-Universe/dp/B09HFXWF78/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=%22the+social+autist%22&qid=1636062953&qsid=139-9968103-7155822&sr=8-1&sres=B09JSQ42TR%2CB08DMW791F%2CB096T93X8V%2CB07PNCLPQZ%2C1607230380%2CB08L6WTBDR%2CB00JCL3FR8%2CB06WP7ZVYJ%2CB06ZYHJYD5%2CB01M3UZGD9%2CB07W22RTH3%2CB07JH8KF7Z%2CB07L5W9737%2CB07ZRW52VX%2CB0842YXBGL%2CB088KL8JRD&srpt=ABIS_BOOK