I have had zero success with online dating. I have tried every app there is. If I do get a like it is usually from a girl who just genuinely is not plausible from the looks department (I'm not being picky). There is also of course always the occasional confused dude. I really do not understand what I am doing wrong and at this point I just find it highly discouraging.
I am 6'4 and 225lbs of mostly muscle. I am currently in a doctoral program for psychology. People tell me that I am very good looking. One girl I was with wanted to use me to cuckold someone, so I don't think looks and/or size is an issue (I turned her down). I have had friends who do really well with women and would tell me that if they were me they would do so much better, yet I really don't do very well. My confidence got tanked a few years ago due to unforeseen unfortunate life events. I was hoping that online dating would help me get back out there but I have only gotten laid twice off of these apps over 2 years. I just do not get it. One of the things I love about this sub was that it gave me hope to make my life better, but at this point I don't know what is left to work on. As far as life goes, I'm crushing it. I always thought that women would come as a result of living my life well, but the last few years that has not been true. I also quit drinking a little over three years ago and I don't think that has helped me at all in this department. I don't really have the confidence to risk asking people I know out in person anymore because I have had such abysmal success.
I am not sure if this is a vent or a request for help. It is probably a bit of both. I have good photos that were taken for me by either gay or female friends. I also have had help with my profile. I have read online how skewed online dating is against men so I would give up on it if not for the fact that I know guys who crush it on these apps. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading my rant.
Herman-the-German 2y ago
Post the pics you are using
NeoSpartan 2y ago
Females and gays give terrible dating advice. That's your first problem. As far as your profile goes you would have to post it. Edit out your face if you want.
johnnysmallseed 2y ago
First time I can agree with you on something @Neospartan. Only caveat is that gay men are great wingmen, especially if they know the girl.
NeoSpartan 2y ago
Awww, that makes me feel all warm inside johnny ;D
johnnysmallseed 2y ago
Savor it because I rarely agree with Blue pills.
NeoSpartan 2y ago
Hahahaha, I still like you johnny, you make me laugh, I am savoring the shit out of it dw, I bet we have more common ground than differences anyway ;D
johnnysmallseed 2y ago
Not sure how you're failing online dating when I barely look average with no muscle but can pull women with my profile. You must really be posting up the wrong pictures. And if you're looking for quick hook ups then look toward the bars and clubs even if you don't drink. Girls go there to get laid.
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johnnysmallseed 2y ago
Use bars, and clubs, it's a method that works for good looking men. Online dating gives women validation without the need to actually meet. Most of them will flake if you don't bring something huge to the table.
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johnnysmallseed 2y ago
Both if you play your cards right. But bars and clubs are clearly a better option for hook ups. Booze and willing girls.
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whytehorse2021 2y ago
OLD is shit for 99.4% of men. Good looking successful men have a 2% success rate in OLD. Complete waste of time if you ask me.
Intrepid_Place53900 2y ago
in the over 40 age group, I did really well with OLD> I consider myself good looking and jacked for my age though.
But I used Match, with a profile. I put some humor in it and what I was expecting/wanted. So, what are these people putting in the profile, they want a casual relationship or a LTR. Most people over 30, are looking for LTR, the under 30 crowd is a mix of casual and LTR.
So wondering what these guys are putting in the profile also what they are looking for in terms of a match.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
I ran experiments with different profiles on different apps. Obviously good looking and jacked does the best. The profile text doesn't really seem to matter much.
Intrepid_Place53900 2y ago
it depends. I'm over 50, wasn't looking for 30 year olds, 40+. On MATCH, they aren't looking for ONS, well mostly, if the right guy comes along, AWALT, right? But, in general, they are looking for LTR because older. So, LTR, the profile matters, not just the pics.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Well yeah that's epiphany stage women looking for a beta provider.
Intrepid_Place53900 2y ago
True, and these young guys need to know that and look for it. Any girl over 30 is looking for a provider, even if they don't admit themselves.
dirtymikeandtheboyz 2y ago
i have been having confidence issues as well this past summer and i was imploding a lot of my dates because of them. I became a bit more chill when i realized that girls are into me even if they dont to f me on the first date and its been going better now. Also even if you are jacked/ good looking your photos might be taken poorly and might be unflattering. I saw a guy post his photos here (he was a pretty good looking teenager) and people gave really good advice. He retook a few of them and his profle looked so much better and he said his results improved. You can try that and im positive that at 225/6'4 you can improve your online results significantly if you get better photos and along with that will come a boost in confidence.
bjjneck 2y ago
Either you're not as attractive as you think or your photos are not as good as you think. Keep working out, you say you're mostly muscles but you don't mention abs. Get abs. Make sure you're not dressed like a middle schooler. As for photos, here's a list to check off if you need a basic template.
-Quality photos, looks professional in image sharpness
-Half photos smiling and half or more not smiling
-Half photos looking at camera and half photos looking away
-At least one full body photo and one close up of your face
-1 picture showing off your physique (beach, pool, workout stringer or cutoff, etc.)