I’ve recently been called conceited by a family member because I like to put myself first.
I like to be realistic in the way I talk, if I’m comfortable with you I’ll say whatever I think about x. I can read a room though and know when not to say certain things, sometimes I slip up and feel no remorse.
I can see how it can be bad but I also feel like life is in my control when I put myself on a pedestal. It gives me confidence and I no longer feel small when I walk into a room. I can get numbers easily because I feel I deserve them. This is a 180 change of the person I was 6 months ago before trp.
If I’m confronted by something that hits my ego I brush it off with the nonchalant side of me.
Do you have any thoughts on this?
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Yes. Pridefulness is considered the worst sin. Pride is a poison because it's the basis for disrespecting others and for creating suffering in our lives. Excessive pride is an exaggerated appreciation of oneself by devaluating others. It is often driven by poor self-worth. We are so insecure that we compensate by feeling superior.
hannulv 2y ago
Rational self-interest is the only way to live as human.
Part of rational self-interest is following the law of reciprocity, which can best be described as "Giving-To-Get". All humans engage in giving in order to get immediate reciprocation or in order to put people in their debt for future reciprocation. If you don't give-to-get you will be seen as suspicious, aberrant, selfish, etc. If you talk about giving-to-get you will be seen as manipulative. Giving-to-get is sometimes labeled altruism. But it really only works in small communities. Donating anonymously to Africa will get you jack shit. But when the secretary's daughter is selling candy for her bluebird club, being the guy that buys a few bars and calls her "cute as a button" earns social capital, and the more busy and powerful you are, the more capital it earns.
The law of reciprocity transcends the exchange of goods, it is present in verbal and non-verbal communication. In verbal, it is expected for example to share something personal after someone shares something personal. In non-verbal it is observed in mirroring (isopraxis).
If you feel you excel in social situations and have good social mastery, then you are usually permitted to behave as boldly and contrarian as you would like. Everyone admires those who break norms, unless that person is socially isolated and disconnected. If you don't care what people think, but still find people vying for your attention, then kudos. But if you are socially isolated or disconnected, then going your own way usually earns contempt and scorn.
There could be a thousand reasons why you were called conceited. Is someone jealous? Did you humiliate someone beneath you? Certain behaviors are beneath a great man, like punching down.
In general, social mastery involves recruiting everyone to your side. This is done by feeding people's egos and making them feel good about themselves. You might check out a few books on it. Carnegie's "How to win friends..." classic or the "48 Laws of Power" by Greene. If you want to explore deeper, check out "Captivate" by Van Edwards, "Alchemy" by Sutherland, "Wisdom of Psychopaths" by Dutton, Rao's "Be Slightly Evil", Calidini's "Influence", and then round it out with "Ego is the Enemy" by Holiday.
NeoSpartan 2y ago
This is pretty much how I live. I'm also a pretty nice guy though. It could be that your family member is just a dick, or it could be that you are showing your arrogance a bit too much. Having sky high confidence is great mate, and a huge power boost to pretty much everything you wanna acheive in life, but you gotta do your best not to let it loose too hard on other people, lest you develop the reputation of an asshole. Temper that shit with some empathy for best results.
johnnysmallseed 2y ago
You should know if you're acting out of insecurity or not. If not, then maybe the other persons opinion isn't reliable. Maybe you aren't conceited but confident. But if you're just autistically blurting out truths about everything that people didn't ask you for then yeah, it can seem assholish. I typically try not to involve reality into anything unless it's business. Nobody really wants to hear the truth, especially women.
Corneliuscaruso 2y ago