We are both the same age recently turned 27 and have been dating 5 years. Great sex, attraction very constant still, no complaints. I have been dominant, she respects me and sex on command, we do not live together. I am her first bf and love. Knew each other in high school, had crushes, but stated dating after college. I have had over 40 sexual partners, only 3 serious and she is my 2nd LTR ever.
I need to work on PE and lasting longer sure- this is the only sex problem- however but she is still very much in love and never turns down sex and intimates plenty too, loves to please me.
I am in build mode. Feel like I’m way young to settle down. Feel like I haven’t seen it all yet, gotten as wealthy as I want to, business growth, my dream woman who is maybe an even better fit what if she’s out there? but I do love this girl a ton and would be happy with her, I'm just not financially and life wise yet where I want to be.
I want a family and a wife and she’d make a great mother and partner, I love her a lot and I can see it but I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet... naturally her being the same age and her biological clock she is pressing to know our future and when we can expect that. She is feeling time pressuring her to get married and settle down... probably within 1-2 years.
Hard decision to make and am I wasting her time not just letting her go? Would things be different if I mastered the sexual work and defeated my PE and truly connected with her deeply for hours?
Is my PE a symptom of my lack of commitment in life/herself and her not feeling my depth mirroring back her lack of trust in me to stay/commit/go deeper?
I practice breathWork a few times a week since summer now but it hasn’t improved my PE. Our relationship is really great though and she’s an incredible person.
I could marry her and she'd be a great fit, we get along so well. but would I be selling myself short? not going for what I really want?
She has basically brought this issue to head recently and mentioned I always brushed away living together after she would ask repeatedly over the last 1-2 years. She is not sure if I can commit to her the way she needs and wants and we are on different timelines. I kind of see it.
We actually used to live together in the beginning for a 6 month time period during year 2 but we then moved out- well I did, I did not want to live together and needed space, and we got back together and it has been great since then, she's awesome and a really great person/gf/wife material, also beautiful and not a slut/low n count, has no male friends, married parents and desires marriage.
I'm scared to throw that away and lose her. Can I manifest something better when I am more ready? Recently I had a financial setback... kind of a significant one (got hacked for like half of my net worth but oh well long term it's not a big deal) and for the first real time in probably 5 years I showed weakness in front of her- not crying no, I wouldn't do that but just despair and victim mentality but I snapped out by now, only lasted for like 2 weeksish and I asked her for space to deal with it myself.
After this event she brought up questioning if I can really commit to her how she wants, I am thinking she used seeing my weakness as her excuse to rationalize for what the issues under the hood were this whole time (my lack of commitment) as an excuse to leave now or give an ultimatum. This is a very tough decision.
hannulv 2y ago
The pros of getting married are ALL for her. She gets security and comfort. You get only cons. In ten years, you are both going to be 37, you will just be hitting your peak, and she will be on the descent. Her need to secure commitment is the step on the road to babies. Are you ready to be a father? It isn't just about the kid, its about inviting the state to put you in a headlock. She IS running out of time, her need to procreate is legitimate, she is already past her peak fertility. You, however, can pull a hot 26 year-old at 40, and have no problems fathering kids when it better fits your life.
When you become a father, it is guaranteed that some of the things you are building to make yourself a great life will get backburnered and never come to fruition. In a worst case scenario, you will get completely zeroed out by it. If I were you, I would level with her. "I love you chica, but I'm not at the stage in my life where I'm ready to be a husband and father and I don't think I'll be there in the next five years. Before anything like that happens I want to accomplish X, Y, and Z." Be honest about where this is going and let her make an informed decision.
intel819940 2y ago
great reply thanks. Yea we have to communicate better. We've brushed this aside and looked past it. Just love each other. Sometimes loving her is letting her go if I must.
SheLarror1234 2y ago
sign a prenup
whytehorse2021 2y ago
You: "Hey guys, I have this unicorn. Should I throw it away or keep it?"
Us: ????
Anyway, you'll get baby rabies in a couple years. She ran the race with you rather than wait at the finish line. The final test is to see if she would rather share you than lose you. This means social monogamy with non-exclusive sex. If she's cool letting you fuck other women, go ahead and get married and have kids. Build a life together. My wife and I have a don't ask/don't tell policy about extra-marital sex and an understanding that I don't like fat women or promiscuous women(as a wife/mother). It's the new deal for men. No more "You cheated/went beta/other excuse! I'm divorce raping you and all my vows were insincere"
[deleted] 2y ago
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whytehorse2021 2y ago
You're thinking like a man. If you've got both sides of her hypergamy(alpha/beta) satisfied, she'll be repulsed by other men. Furthermore, she'll have dread that you become repulsed if she gets fat and she'll keep fit. Finally, she'll keep performing sexually because you can get it elsewhere.
[deleted] 2y ago
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intel819940 2y ago
been dating since 2016. ive slept with at least 10 other women during this relationship, and she knows it, i just keep it on the DL. don't rub it in her face. Has not been an issue