Hello... my name is Mr Perfect! https://imgur.com/THmTC50 Long time lurker, first time poster! Ok this isn’t true, I wrestled with learning things along the way and reached out for assistance a few times. Thankfully someone told me to stop wasting everyone’s time posting stupid shit! I used an alternate account and probably deleted all that, though it may still be somewhere out there. I haven’t been around for probably 2 years, but as I noticed during my tenure, people would come and go kind of like this. Some stay and teach, and I want to personally thank you all for your service to the world! I wish I could embed the images for dramatic effect but it's late and this will have to do. Also need to make this under 40,000 chars? So I need to chop this in two... Enjoy!!

ASL: I'm 6 feet tall and weigh ~155 pounds, 183cm and ~70kg for the educated folks ;) Age: 36 Occupation(s): Man, Boss, Retired, Heretic, Wizard, Guardian Angel

If you're looking for a TL;DR, there isn't one. Others might tell you to fuck yourself... but I would actually prefer if you stay awhile and listen, or read rather. There are websites/browser extensions that can read this out loud for you if you're the audible type. I have a nasally voice sometimes and I mumble because I talk fast, but if I take my time and annunciate, I can have a sexy voice too! Find a sexy male voice and not one of those Microsoft Clippy types to narrate this tale. It will probably take many minutes of your life to read this, but I promise you, you will learn something today =) My goal is to let you know about myself through a not so short story that includes many side tales and sprinkles of red pill dust along the way. I wrote the bulk of this over the past week, and I have been refining this to today’s finale. Every “today” in story may have been Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday/Sunday. I left all that shit alone as I refined the words to make them more enjoyable for you. I don't write like, ever... so please forgive me if this style is not to your taste.

Ok I'm feeling extra generous and spent my time, my precious... to help you save your time, which SHOULD be your precious as well. Here's a link so you can listen to this tale if you like... (I’m not affiliated and have not tested, it may come out wrong haha) - https://www.readspeaker.com

I just finished cutting my own hair and shaving my face with a single blade razor (did I mention I was a man). I save time and money by doing these things myself once a month/week. I even do a better job than the nice old Chinese ladies down the street. If you get lazy and continually fuck up, I’m not going to give you my hard-earned magic numbers! I’m not sorry either. I do not apologize to anyone for anything that has happened, unless it is something I directly did and caused unintentional outcomes. So I learned how to cut my hair when that nasty bug started going around 1.5 years ago. It’s not easy, but it’s fun provided you have the time (I also amuse the hell out of myself). Big daddy government only a bike ride away, says I’m not allowed to go visit my 92 year old grandma because the hospitals are all full and they're too busy doing nothing instead of making more hospitals. This is all my fault by the way because I’ve been in my garage for the last year and a half (did I mention I was a heretic). Well the government and the local law enforcement are welcome to come join us for a cup of tea. I believe the law enforcement will be asking for some of those magical numbers I’ve been giving out this past week, (they call them fines) for not following their orders. Well I’m sure it would be a great use of everyone’s time to watch me talk to my grandmother while asking me for magic numbers… did I mention I’m a wizard ;) You might be wondering, how the fuck did I get this sweet job? And I know a lot of people in the community need guidance, I was one of those people back in the day. So my short financial advice to people is… FAKE NDA: YES my friends, this is financial advice that you can take to the bank! While I'm being a cranky old man... I also hate those finance disclaimers like, "you cannot sue me for your losses." Reality check, don't be fucking dumb with your money and don't try to get it back if you were swindled, own your shit! There shouldn't be lawyers helping dumb people sue, but there also shouldn't be dicks trying to fuck over poor people, lots of sleezebags in the world… If you know any, tell them, "Mr Perfect says stop being a loser, be good.”

Anywho… this could be good financial advice, unless you really are fucking this up right now. distant foreshadow - incoming side stories

USEFUL ADVICE: Rent a space to someone else. Even if you're poor, you're probably renting a space. Upgrade yourself to a larger space that can accommodate a roommate and help a brother/sister out! I've got a couple of roommates that have become best friends over the years, and I try to sprinkle a little red pill wisdom into their lives. Lead by example (and discussion) my friends! If you're a little more "fortunate" if you will, you could rent out a basement suite while living upstairs; a little bit more fortunate, rent out a whole house. Over the years you can help remove debts, and if you're smart you can also find/help other good people along the way. And they in turn will help you with whatever your agenda may be (I just hope it's a good one). If you would like more real estate investment ideas, head over to biggerpockets.com because they're smart people helping others get ahead. I am in no way affiliated with them for the record. Right now my roommates dishes are all over the kitchen and have been there for days. They are too busy watching KDrama and Instagram to bother cleaning up after themselves. And that’s ok for now… they will learn lessons when the time is right or they will not reap the benefits of being good (ie. not annoying me). I promised them free rent starting in 2022, but I may break that promise if I feel they aren’t going to properly keep the place in order. One of them read a book by Jordan Peterson about cleaning their room. I have not read it and I mean no ill will to Mr Peterson, I am sure he feels he is doing good. One time I saw a debate with JP and some dude, these things are just shouting matches hoping to win favor and catch people in tongue twisters… I prefer that my tongue wrestles with a woman’s tongue instead of spewing verbal trash all day. Much like everything else going on in the world today… a whole lot of shouting… but not actually getting shit done. Anyway, I ran into a giant young black man named Geeves or Jeeves… it doesn’t matter. The point is that the bartender was not getting around to him because he was black, and some bad history. I bought him a few drinks, he got offended when some Native girl made a comment about his Italian flag… the kid was misguided is the point. I definitely blew his mind when I told him the problem with people, is that they need to read in a book to clean their fucking room! You don’t need anyone to tell you to take care of yourself, it’s all in your head/heart taps left chest of Jeeves Parent’s not teaching their kids how to survive and get ahead in life in my opinion. But at the same time, look around you and look yourself in the mirror. Are you being the best version of yourself? Right now… I am!

SIDE NOTE: I've been banned on my local reddits because people don't like to read my words? I may have been a bit of a troll, but always with good intent and a little wit. Maybe they're offensive even though they are never intended to be. So I hope not to offend but let's be real, those mods that banned me are dumb. Let's have an open discussion so we can make the world a better place shall we! I'm full of some fucking really good ideas, it's one of my many skills. I'm pretty sure if I had a billion dollars, the world would be MUCH better. But sadly I must work hard like everyone else to get there. I don't really want a billion dollars, I'd just spend it on helping people in the most efficient way possible (probably better than most "charities" out there). So if anyone knows Elon or Jeff and they want to shoot me a few bill... PM me! I don't like "DM" and "slide into the DM's" as if it sounds cool, but hey I'm a cranky old man with infinite time on his hands to think about and complain about shit (did I mention I’m retired) =) I promise if you elect me as your future world leader, we will have a really great fucking time! Right after I post this, I’m going to go vote for the PPC because everyone else is being dumb. Quit wasting my time! I could probably run this country better than whoever is sitting in Ottawa, but I don’t have THAT much time on my hands. I’m busy enriching the 130+ people around me, I do not have the patience to take on the NPC population of Canada at this point in time. However, if I decide to point my crosshairs in that direction… well you better fucking get out of my way ;) If you know any of those kind folks running this country, please tell them, “Mr Perfect says to quit fucking around. He will personally make it his mission to make the rest of your life very uncomfortable. He is retired and plans to live to 115… so that’s about 79 MORE years. He’s going to outlive you and even some of your unborn children, so you should probably be on his side.” I'm sure these words will survive somewhere on the internet if those people with money/influence don't find them and disagree with them, lots of fucking weird censorship going on these days! Probably being done by a bunch of morons that are uncomfortable with something (reality). But if I can reach one additional person with my tale, that's good enough for me! I'm about to sprinkle a little magic fairy dust into a few other people's lives so please grab a drink, a cigar, whatever your drug of choice is, and come along for the ride! I like to make/drink beer and now I smoke weed a lot because... I can? (it's legal don't worry, I'm just experimenting)

LITTLE BIT MORE ABOUT ME: I haven't sorted out the who/where/why's of the universe yet (stay tuned for 1 more chapter perhaps in the distant future), but I feel there may be something to the universe and other forces which may seem super natural at the moment, but undiscovered or untapped if you will. My point is to tap into your universal powers, or your "God's Plan" as I'm coining it these days! Pay attention to the signs the universe is sending you, they are extremely subtle, let’s call it a 6th sense. Just jumping back here (from the future) to mention one of those “coincidences.” The current song playing is titled “Integrity” which is something a lot of people seem to be lacking. I'm not into pop culture and when a Drake song comes on, I'll probably change the station immediately haha. Not my cup of tea, but that doesn't mean I don't respect him. One time he was playing Fortnite apparently and my friends got exasperated... "Drake is playing with Ninja," to which I replied, "Who's Drake?"How foolish of me, oh well! Recently I listened to his song very closely and I feel he has a good message. If you know him, tell him “Mr Perfect says to keep doing what you're doing!" I'm a Canadian as well so perhaps we shall cross paths someday, I'll buy you a beer sometime, better yet stop by my future craft beer bar and I'll treat you to a few drinks! Nicki Minaj is another style of music that I loathe. But I just read a few of her recent tweets, and it sounds like she has a great head on her shoulders. I don’t know what that WAP song is about, should I give it a good listen?

Now, I don’t have a black belt yet…. in Jiu-Jitsu I mean. I understand why people hype it up, it is literally one of the deadliest combat sports I feel. I don't want to hurt anyone, but if something happened, you can bet your ass I will disable you! As for my privileged lifestyle... well I was adopted at birth. I've never met my real mom or "father" (pretty sure they're not together anymore), but never fear reader! Your favourite prota….gonist (shoutout to RedLetterMedia) in this tale has a substitute family and they're decent people. I mean they're pretty fucked up actually but the details don't really matter, I'll take care of them within my abilities. I'm more of a man than my dad (my opinion), but don't worry I'll straighten him out too someday. I don't think he had proper guidance from his father, but that's just my opinion. And that's probably what's wrong with the world these days now that I think about it. Not enough good fathers to smack their stupid children around (foreshadow). I would say my 4 siblings and I were kind of just free ranging it. No real pressure or guidance coming from above. It's nice in a way, I mean look at me... I turned out perfect! The rest of them turned out gay and/or obese though and they all still have jobs, those suckers haha. According to my maths, 1 in 5 kids… carry the 2…. That’s a 20% chance of not having a fucked up child if you just let them run free. But let’s extrapolate this and add the X factor (REALITY)… I’m a fucking diamond in the rough and the odds of me being your child are way less than 1%. Your mileage may vary! Don't quote me on this, I'm not very smart as you're about to find out. As I wrote some of this message, it's obvious the young girl across the street is a troubled child. The mom is younger than me and doesn't look like she has her shit together so it's no surprise. I came to an odd realization this year that I do not know, or in fact care, about the people in my neighbourhood. It's just the way the world has turned out for now (don't worry I'll fix it some day). People are seeking a better life which means affordable/comfortable, and then wasting time on whatever nonsense that isn't productive. The folks near the runaway child are a family full of women that yell at each other and complain about their problems. No males around... I wonder why? HINT: Don't be fucking crazy and weird! They are decent people I'm sure. But without any strong males around telling them to stop being stupid... well I guess they got bored and crazy? Girl across the street has the music dialed up to 11 and ALL hours of the day (no joke). I will sort her out soon I’m sure too. My other neighbour is on a dating app and his girlfriend (with 2 kids) found out and they get into shouting matches and then make up every week or so. Obviously, the boys of the world do not know what they are doing. HINT: Not being honest! I call them "boys" because I like to tell the ladies that I'm a man. Of course, I am just tricking them into loving me. Though there may be some truths here and there in my words. My perceptive skills tell me that my neighbour is not fulfilling his TRUE destiny (whatever that is) or he happened to fall into this arrangement and it makes him unhappy because outcomes have changed perhaps. My brother is in a similar situation now and it's easy to get stressed out taking care of kids, money, relations, etc. Hopefully we can shape a few more boys into men, we are going to need them in the not-so-distant future. I am going to help these poor people out because, although it entertains me to listen, it also makes me sad on some level to see people not understanding how to be the best version of themselves. This is something I am just coming into now. I recall Rollo Tomassi saying that to be 35 and a single male is probably the ideal that older people even long for. These are my glory days, and you better believe I’m not going to waste them. I mean I do sit around smoking weed all day… but I swear I’m helping people!! >_>