Hey there, throwaway for anonymity reasons. Hope everyone's doing fine.
Im 18M, and as per current state of male friendships between peers my age, getting physical every now and then is accepted. Fair enough, I do partake in light budding metaphorical heads sometimes, but nothing more than maybe a nudge or some arm wrestling.
There's this one thing that makes me super pissed off tho: slaps. On the back, back of the head, shoulders or butt. And im not talking light slaps, but slaps that are purposefully forceful as to incite a reaction. Think poking a bear with a stick type of dynamic.
These slaps have been a reoccurring thing throughout my youth, but thing is, its a catch twenty-two for me: I've always been a big guy, (am 6'1 210lbs looking like a bodybuilder right now) and am considerably stronger than anyone doing the slapping. This means that if I physically respond back, someone gets injured, and thats a no-go. If I dont respond back, they see it as an invitation to keep it up and continue with the demeaning behavior. I end up looking bad either way. Talking them out of it never ever worked.
Just a couple days ago, went on a hike with my 'best friend' and a girl I've been seeing for some time. Throughout the time we spent on the hike, he slapped my butt twice and made quite disrespectful comments about me, making everything super awkward and flat out making me look really bad (Cringing as I am writing this). Now, I cant answer with violence and so just ignored it and made witty comebacks, but this cant go on. I will be distancing myself from that guy since I will not continue to tolerate the BS.
Im not the type to get butthurt and understand boys will be boys; I'm one of them. But when things get out of hand and cross a line, how should I deal with disrespect?
TLDR; As the bigger guy, how to deal with physical disrespect?
TJMS 2y ago
Embarass him while he does that by mocking his a) Lack of social calibration b) Implied sexual attraction to you.
"Whoa there Mikey, this must be 'a thing' with you and your special friends. I think you got the wrong idea about us." Said with a laugh and a wink to your girlfriend. "Don't worry about Mikey, he sometimes gets frisky when he's around guys he likes."
If he does it again, tell him in a more serious tone, "Funny stuff, but seriously, don't touch my ass again." Then turn away to exclude him from social interaction as a punishment.
If he does it a third time, push him to the ground hard (you say you're a big guy so I'm assuming you can do this) and tell him, "What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you retarded?"
mueslimalte 2y ago
Just punch/physically humiliate one guy and hope he spreads the news that you wont take it anymore. Maybe wait for an extra shitty moment (Slap on the head or sth.) You cant be afraid of violence. If you are a big guy, they surely wont take the risk after you retaliate once or twice.
Are you sure it's not misunderstood male bonding on your friends behalf though? How do they treat each other?
whytehorse2021 2y ago
Oh that's easy. These are shit tests from men. Just go all Hulk on them. You can punch them. Make sure it's not taken the wrong way but just bruise an arm. It's all in good fun. Your buddies ribbing you. That's how guys socialize. A smack on the ass deserves a nice firm ball gripping. That's how we roll. They can dish it out but can they spoon it in? Are you really hanging with friends or a bunch of blue pilled betas who would turn on you in an instant for a woman?
[deleted] 2y ago
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YourOwnDisaster 2y ago
Take the guy aside, away from everyone. Put your hand on their shoulder and look them in the eyes. Nice, calm and quietly say; "Haha. Funny. If you ever do that shit again, I'll make sure it's the last thing you'll ever do"... It may be a bluff, and they may test you again. Unfortunately you might have to get your hands dirty.
IamRedPilled 2y ago
"I don't play like that man, don't do that." Don't give them a terminator stare when you do it so you don't look like too much of a stickler but let them know you have a boundary.