I'll try to keep it as concise as possible.
Background;
- Was bullied throughout my teenage years, got a little worse when I was 16-18 and it shattered my confidence/social skills
- Started university in 2018, stayed at home due to the university being in close proximity, wanting to save/not worry about money
- Covid happened in second year, meaning that all my plans to be more sociable went down the gutter
- Was misled by all the modern movie bullshit and had no idea how dating or anything works, only actually asked out two girls, failing both times.
- Was invited to a small party by two girls but I looked for excuses and didnt go (this is just to emphasise how bad it was, age ~16)
- Living in UK for a long time, 10+ years, turned 21 a little more than a month ago.
- Social media presence non existant due to lack of confidence/ability in taking good pictures and not being 'ready'.
About me;
- 6'5", 73Kgs, looks wise I think I've got potential to be very attractive, all that I need to do is finalise clearing up my acne and getting some more mass (I know this sounds as if I'm egoistical/overconfident, but I'm quite the opposite, I just stopped doubting myself as much).
- Drivers license about to be completed
- Live in a medium sized town near a semi decent city in the UK
- Freshly graduated
My problem/questions; I think I've wasted one of the more eventful part of my life, as in, university period. This is when I was supposed to be more adventerous, outgoing, having fun and of course hooking up, but none of that happened, as some more slight bullying/hostility/passive aggressiveness was aimed at me and my 'friend' group wasn't necessarily a positive influence.
I want to study further, but here's the problem, I either; a. Go into my post graduate masters straight away, gain no experience in my desired field, ideally party/fuck as much as possible and then start working or b. Try to gain some experience in my desired field, if not, work for a year or two, save up some money, return to studies in a more desirable area (think of the bigger places in the UK where its more likely to find more attractive girls) without worrying about money.
Problem with b. is that if I do find a job in the desired field, I would've adapted, so to say, to the money, and if I do return to study then I would have less money/work less if at all, if I go to study full time.
The other problem is that I am somewhat traditional as I come from a Slavic country, and in the future, I would want kids, and LTR or maybe even a wife (I know what is said about this here), but not when I'm 40, but more likely when I'm a little over 30, which is when I will most likely be hitting my 'peak', apparently.
Concise questions;
- How do I go about my concerns/problems?
- How should I go about dating/hooking up?
- What should I consider from the info I gave?
- What age would start to make me "more attractive" to the 18-20 year olds, and how do I utilise this?
- What hobbies should I consider taking up? (Currently learning an instrument, reading, working out, cooking and starting to run and cycle, I need more sociable/woman-prominent hobbies maybe?).
I know these types of posts get shit on for their length and usually just given the advice of reading the sidebar or something along those lines, but I hope that this resonates with some people who were in a similar situation and can give some more in depth advice, ideally with milestones/stepping stones.
Appreciate it in advance.
whytehorse2021 2y ago
This really is something to see a therapist about. My son was horribly bullied because of his autism and a good therapist helped him rebuild his confidence and sense of self.
Go talk to your professors and some people in the industry to determine what is the best course of action for your career. Forget about the money and the women. Do what's best for you and the rest will follow.
You weigh less than me and you're 5" taller. Good lord you must look like a beanpole. Go join a combat sports gym like kickboxing or MMA. This will also help your confidence and improve your appearance and masculinity. Then if anybody ever tries to bully you again, you send 'em to the hospital.
Women are everywhere. Sluts tend to go to bars when they're ovulating and want alpha males. If they're under the legal drinking age they go to parties. Forget social media and dating apps. Complete waste of time unless you're GigaChad. Learn to cold approach and get numbers
TRPPRT2021 2y ago
Appreciate it dude.
About seeing a therapist - Eh, I know it's 'good' to do so, but going to a therapist now would be like wearing a brace and fully immobilising a leg that has healed but was broken before, if I'm somewhat good now and have been working on myself, then I can continue doing that.
Most of my professors are trash - here's the work do it / contact x if you want to know more.
That's the plan, I just have my top braces on and I'm waiting for them to get taken off and then I'll get into some form of martial art or sport at the very least, but sending them to a hospital may be a problem, given how I avoided fights because I don't want that shit on my record (UK is fucked).
Unfortunately, I live in the UK, the only good thing here is the money, and even that is slowly going downhill. I am really jealous of the US culture in terms of college and overall societal culture - more outgoing and less restricted, if that makes sense, but then moving far away isn't viable and would be hard as fuck with minimal experience plus moving on my own.
Cheers!
whytehorse2021 2y ago
You have a very distorted view of therapy. My son's therapist has a master's degree and specializes in therapy for kids. The dude is working circles around me helping my kid in ways I never even thought of. You don't know what you don't know but a therapist might know.
Avoiding fights is fine. Knowing you don't have to is what combat sports give you. It's just one of those boxes you can check off on your journey toward becoming the man that other guys want to be and that women want to be with. My kid is starting middle school soon and doesn't have to worry about bullies because he has been trained in kickboxing. Nicest kid you'll ever meet but if you cross the line with him you're in deep shit.
Don't think the US is any better than the UK. Same goes for any other Westernized country. When I lived in Asia I met a lot of expats from UK, US, AU, NZ, EU, etc and we all had the same experiences. I had the blue pilled view of England just like you have it for the US. England is all a bunch of polite people and the women are all hot young sophisticated polo players. Everybody lives in castles and goes fox hunting in Sherwood forest. Then you meet a Brit and they tell you about the criminals, ridiculous cost of living, social decline, inequality, gynocentric social order, etc.
TRPPRT2021 2y ago
Yeah... I regret being a recluse as a teen and not doing sports or some form of martial art, worst part is that even if I did get pushed around figuratively then I wouldn't do anything because I wanted to be 'clean' from bad records.
About the hot young sophisticated polo players, just lol, I can see how its just a case of grass being greener on the other side of the fence coming into play.
Right now I'm just struggling with being productive/efficient. I don't play games as often as I used to, but I want to cut them out completely, unfortunately that's my main form of 'socialising' at the moment (mix of covid, 'good' friends turning into not so good friends/replacing me or the group we are in with others, etc, but I aint a perfect individual either - was invited to go clubbing with a group few days back but I pussied out for no reason)
whytehorse2021 2y ago
We all struggle but you go with what you got. There's a lot of interesting stuff in the UK. I just watched Jordan Peterson do a talk at Oxford or some place where everyone talks weird like in England. Lots to see and do.
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TRPPRT2021 2y ago
Appreciate it my dude, I'll check em out for sure!
One thing that I hate is just living in the UK, it seems so much worse off in terms of the societal culture, which is more outgoing and less restricitive, or so it seems, in the states :/
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TRPPRT2021 2y ago
That's the problem, it seems that there are no all round good countries left
I'm a finance major, but I don't really know what valuable skills I should be learning. I definitely downplay my capabilities given how I see some absolute imbeciles trying to one up people all the time when they can't do a fraction of the shit I'd be able to, but I still don't really know what to work on or how to improve in the 'downtime', on top of that, medium sized town in the UK, no car - shit conditions for job searching in finance (I am working on the car part).
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TRPPRT2021 2y ago
Appreciate it, sorry for the late response mate.
Already doing it :P, mainly ETH and ADA but hoping to strike that lucky 100x+ coin with random investments.
All the best man
YourOwnDisaster 2y ago
Listen to this Man^^. He hooked you up with some invaluable resources.