Been in a LTR with a woman [40] for 7+ years and married for 2+. At the beginning we both sort of agreed to not discuss our respective body counts but it was assumed (silly me) that we each had our fair share of partners/mistakes over the years but on the whole it was some what normal for the both of us.
My wife's father passed away a year prior to our meeting and any/every memory of him is pretty precious to her. With that said I was going through some old junk phones of hers to recycle and wanted to insure that none has any media of any kind that contained her later father before discarding them.
What I discovered pretty much turned my world upside down.
Not only did the phone contain hundred of her nudes sent to other randoms, but the dick picks she's received, as well as extensive conversations about her antics. Next old phone... the same deal. Checked a couple of her older email accounts....same deal. HD to old laptop....same. Story of random dude after random dude expressed with levels of lust and pride that sickened me. Places that I thought we special and unique to us turned out to be her old stomping grounds. BFFs of hers turned out to be her partners in crime at the time.
This was not the women I knew, or had thought I knew and my search to make sense of it all over the past few months brought me here.
I must admit that she's been good to me and tried to create some what of a "family" for me and my two sons from a previous marriage, but the more I find the more apparent it is that I was the first guy she found once she finished her ride on the Cock Carousel ~32 and the feeling that I was chosen for my stability (primary custody of my 2 sons for the last 11 years), loyalty, and ability to be a good provider. Total beta material... I'm learning all too late.
So my question is, what next? Stay and live with the humiliation that I was the last in a long line of cocks and I'll never be the thrill that was her late 20's/early 30's while she lets herself go? Leave with my self-respect but also the knowledge that I'll probably live out the rest of my life in solitude now that my sons are leaving the nest.
Hope this word-vomit is coherent enough to make sense. Any advice would be appreciated.
Guyandtheroadtovictory 2y ago
Hi,
I have talked with lots of guys and biggest, saddest part is - a lot of men - young and old, does not believe in this primal, natural point of view due to social conditioning from childhood etc. (That putting women on pedastal as holy grail only leads to mental, financial problems to men) I can only say, congratulations that you are woke. Lots of people arent.
My point of view was that it does not matter. In my 27 year old brain I learned the hard way - paying alimony and can not see my son when I want to, but I feel better now, because I am now starting to understand, that self love is as important as humbleness and empathy, but living with resentment - you can only damage yourself, it does not matter to everyone, because it is your life. Children see that, children feel that father is not in his best version due to thoughts and the situation he is in. My path is an example, because what you feel is the most important. Relationship dynamics work as swiss clocks when a man is in his best mental, physical shape and also young generation see from older generation - what example they give.
As for advice, your age remind me of Richard Cooper, great example how to be in positive way of thinking and getting out the best version of ourselves. My friend once told me - there are lots of women in the world, relationships with resentment, hate are time wastement - we live as long as we live and it is a must that we live this life at fullest, chasing our dreams and perfection.
Hope not too long to read, Be strong,
pfeilmacher 2y ago
You're still young, bro. I'm older than you. Single. Still dating girls in their early to mid 20's. Some are slutty. Others aren't. I don't give a fuck, since I'm in the best shape of my life, free to travel, and have a fat bank account. Women still line up to get my attention. If a girl misbehaves.....then goodbye. Next.
I would talk to a lawyer and figure out the best way to get out of this as cheaply as possible. You'll never get over having been fooled by a "reformed" whore.
Become better and vet your LTRs better.
Edit: I went something kind of similar.....got married to a "nice girl" in my early 30's. Was going through a notebook of hers and came across her body count registry. 34. It was goodbye after that.
Edit2: Make sure you never discuss this with her. She'll just be more careful with the next sucker she ropes in.
BusterVadge 2y ago
Same here. I'm 47 also and date my fair share of mid-20's to early 30's.
OP: Don't let people think you're too old to start over. People will try to shame you for staying young. It's only because they feel trapped and are jealous that they're not living life to its fullest.