The father you knew wasn’t the man who attracted your mother- attracting a woman is the easy part. You put your best foot forward- you accentuate the positives and hide the negatives; you do everything in your power to embody the fantasy she has of the perfect man. It isn’t an act- this man is someone you’d like to be, and her attraction makes you feel confident in that identity- you strive to be her rock.
But life is hard, and every man will stumble; he’ll feel defeated, he’ll question himself- and he’ll find it increasingly difficult to hide these feelings from his wife. When respect was her responsibility it may have encouraged him to fight, but in the wild west of a post-patriarchy, she’ll more likely resent any sign of weakness. In the dance of mating and courtship, women are those who select, and she’ll be irritated thinking she chose a buffoon. In a world where divorce is an easy escape, she’ll wonder what if.
I remember standing next to the eggs, at the supermarket with my mom, when I was twelve. We ran into my best friend’s mom. She was buying eggs too. They got to chatting, and within a minute or so, she tells my mom that she never wanted to marry my friend’s dad- he was a good guy, but he was boring– he was her back-up plan. Her main choice wasn’t interested, but now she wonders what if. Then we picked out our eggs and went to the check-out.
In all fairness, the guy was seriously boring.
The father you met was a man who had been through a lot- was the mother you had the type to respect him through his struggles, or wonder what if?
[Excerpt from WELCOME TO HELL- available now]
vreshbaby 2y ago
Mine have a semi-arranged marriage, so my dad is definitely a what-if husband. However, he remained strong holding semi-RP (unknowlingly) standards. I used to hate it as a kid, but now I see.
However, as he is becoming older I see his RP standards falling and the disrespect increasing from my mom.
Love em both, but man being RPed is hard sometimes.
comcain 2y ago
Nope, my Mom was intensely loyal to my Dad for 65 glorious years until he finally died. Dad was alpha as fuck but also kind and caring. But beneath all that, he was forged steel.
He told me once that going to Korea and seeing friends killed made him grow up quickly.
I'm very lucky to have had him for a Dad.
El_Chutacabras 2y ago
Great description of a bad ass dad.
DerekMorganBAU 2y ago
I used to work with this bald overweight white dude that we'll call Ben and he had a daughter.
One day at work all of the guys were shooting the shit eating lunch and one of my coworkers said "Shit if Ben can fuck a woman and get her pregnant I can have anyone."
Ben said "You know I didn't always look like this right?"
I was young so that concept blew my mind. He showed us a pic and he was fit, lean, with a 80s rocker hair.
I'm like damn at least try to maintain your looks a little bit
Im_Trying_I_Swear 2y ago
Lol tbh I can respect that. Dude had his years of fun and now he don’t have no more fucks to give.
DerekMorganBAU 2y ago
chodoboy86 2y ago
My Mum wandered "what if" and she ended up with a narcissistic paedo who got my older brother kicked out of the family home at 16 and sexually abused my sister when she was a kid (old found out 20 years later). "What if" was disastrous for us. My Mum is still so brainwashed by him and with him after all the shit came out. It opened my eyes to what women are attracted to. I grew up very fast.
My Dad moved on and upgraded to a much newer model, so he won in the end. Except for the damage to his kids.
[deleted]
PatchThePiracy 2y ago
My mother was the type who, when I was 16, began fucking my father's "alpha-ish" coworker - a man my father was very kind to before it all went down.
My father forgave her, but she then left for a second "alpha-ish" man (total loser, imo, but gives tingles I guess). 20 years later, she's still with him.
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Seneca_13 2y ago
What's this book about? I'm too lazy to read through that wall of text.
clameltoe 2y ago
If you're too lazy to read two paragraphs you're in the wrong sub
comcain 2y ago
Reading is hard.
Wait until you encounter a "book".
Oh, wait, you probably get all your books on Audible, right?
I'm giving you shit, clearly, but this is far from the longest thing you'll read here. The Sidebar is essential reading. Download it and dig in.
Cheers
El_Chutacabras 2y ago
You mean... all the sidebar?
PatternEast7185 2y ago
my mom rips on my dad once in a while for things but she's been loyal to him for 40 years so i think she's allowed the odd pithy comment here and there... it's probably inevitable to have those thoughts and feelings sometimes