The most attractive thing a man can do is transgress boundaries: social conventions, legal rules, laws of nature, boundaries created by other people, his own boundaries, and even her boundaries. Women like “assholes,” “bad boys,” guys who “don’t give a fuck” and high-status men because they project the image to her that they cross boundaries confidently, calmly, and with joy and humor, as if the boundaries do not exist. Testosterone is the transgression chemical and women want, in the words of the famous Charley Murphy, “a habitual line stepper.”
Women are attracted to transgression because transgression is fun. As Latarian Milton, the 7 year old boy who stole his grandmother’s SUV and took it on a joyride, said, “it’s fun to do bad things.” All humans, men and women, evolved a powerful desire to transgress boundaries. We want to explore the unknown with no constraints, take whatever cool shit we want, and say “fuck you” to whoever gets in our way. We want to press the button that says “do not press” just to see what happens. We want to test our limits and exceed them. We want to fly.
Women need the alpha male to experience the joy of transgression because they are too afraid to transgress on their own. Womens’ physical weakness is coupled with an inherent fear of transgression and confrontation, which is why they experience anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem at almost double the rate of men. Humans evolved to feel like other people are the source of the boundaries that confine us, so if we cannot defeat in physical combat the people creating boundaries for us, we must follow their rules. Women subconsciously know they can never defeat the alpha male, so they have an intense desire to get on his good side, obey his commands, and be accepted by his tribe so he becomes her protector rather than her enemy. Even the most confident, powerful, “feminist” woman crumbles before whatever she subconsciously views as the alpha male (which can be society, the media, or just men that are powerful than her). Even though in the modern world men cannot physically beat up women when challenged, womens’ lizard brains still maintain this intense fear. In fact, if you Google “women apologizing” you will find a ton of articles about how women apologize too much, even when they are not doing anything wrong. It almost seems like women have an inherent, pre-programmed impulse to apologize whenever they do anything that might even come close to transgressing a boundary “the” man has set for them.
When a woman sees a man repeatedly transgress boundaries that previously seemed impassable, she starts to subconsciously feel like he has superpowers and can transgress all boundaries. No woman will ever admit this because it is so obviously irrational and ridiculous, but humans evolved to WANT their alpha male to be invincible. When the bad guys come to invade the tribe, we want to believe our leader can defeat them because if he cannot then we are all fucked. The idea of an alpha that crosses boundary is so intoxicating that people literally pay millions of dollars a year to watch superhero movies where some regular guy gains the ability to transgress boundaries. The plot to every superhero movie is basically this: “our hero is a regular guy who crosses boundaries others cannot cross. But wait! There is a bad guy who is setting a boundary he cannot cross. Oh wait! The hero crossed the bad guy’s boundary too.” This is why members of cults often feel like their leader has godlike or magical powers. This is also women often say that being around an alpha male is similar to a religious experience.
To experience the joy of transgression women must emotionally invest in the alpha male so she can vicariously experience his adventure and his transgressions. A woman can never beat the fuck out of a guy who is looking at her wrong, but she can emotionally invest in Mike Tyson so when he beats the fuck out of a guy who is looking at him (or her) wrong she can subconsciously feel like she is beating his ass too. You may not think that women want to stomp on their enemies’ heads, but believe me, they do: they just cannot express that emotion like men can. The alpha male lives in a different, superior reality than women, which is why they choose to abandon their own reality and emotionally invest in his.
Transgressions should pay off with something good, preferably something she enjoys. You should say something offensive because it is funny, not just because it is offensive. You should physically confront people because they did something to deserve it, not just to be a dick. She should not feel like you are trying to transgress to look cool or impress her, but rather because you just do whatever the fuck you want and are too retarded to notice there are boundaries. The “art” of transgression is transgressing in subtle ways that provide a payoff but are not hurtful to her or lead to any negative consequences.
That said, the feeling you project when transgressing is often just as attractive than the payoff. You can even build attraction if you try to transgress and fail, so long as you fail with joy, confidence, and humor, and show that the failure does not emotionally perturb you.
Transgression as Emotion
Transgression is emotion, not reality. Every real man is bound by actual boundaries he cannot transgress. For example, we cannot fly, punch cops, or run into traffic naked. When you “transgress” in front of a woman, you need to rationally think through your decisions because objective reality will kick your ass if you try to transgress the wrong boundary. Nevertheless, even if you cannot violate the laws of physics you can still “feel” transgressive to women and women care more about the feeling than the reality. A drug dealer with $500 to his name who holds frame can feel more transgressive than a millionaire with a private jet that accepts her frame and lives in her boundaries.
Womens’ desire for transgression is dynamic and constant. If you transgressed 5 minutes ago but are predictable and boring now, she will lose interest. Women often choose “bad boys” over stable men because the bad boy produces a constant feeling of transgressiveness while the stable man feels orderly and predictable most of the time. Many relationships fail because the man settles into a routine while the woman wants constant excitement and novelty.
Most men cannot understand womens’ constant, obsessive need for transgressiveness. Why does everything have to be so fucking emotional and dramatic? Why can’t we relax and just transgress on holidays and weekends? Men don’t appreciate womens’ need for transgression because men are inherently transgressive so we don’t see the big deal. We come out of our mother’s wombs looking to violate boundaries (which, by the way, is why boys are falling behind in school in modern America) and we fail to realize women don’t have the same ability. Even though society usually beats the desire to transgress out of most of men, we still inherently look at boundaries as more permeable than women do.
When I was little there was a rich kid in my neighborhood who had a go-kart and all the kids in the hood would try to go to his house and ride it every chance we got. The rich kid, however, got tired of the go-kart and couldn’t understand why everybody else thought it was so cool. Being a transgressive man is like being a rich kid with a go-kart. Because you can transgress whenever you want, you forget how cool transgression is to somebody who cannot ride the go kart whenever they want. You also forget that whenever women come over, they want to ride your go-kart, aka see you transgress.
Ways to Transgress Boundaries
When in doubt, transgress. If you are in a boring conversation, try to think of something to say on a dating app, or just feeling awkward and insecure when interacting with a woman, feel free to do whatever fun thing you can think of that transgresses the boundaries of the situation, pays off with something good, and does not result in any objective negative consequences. As Bill Hicks famously said about stand-up comedy “find the line and dance around it.”
Not giving a fuck. The most subtle and important way a man can transgress is by “not giving a fuck.” “Not giving a fuck” means the man acts, thinks, and feels like he is not bound by her boundaries or anybody else’s. If he feels like doing a silly dance in the middle of a nightclub, he does it. If he feels like taking her to some weird Filipino breakdance competition, he does it. He always puts himself first because what other people want is a boundary to what he wants. Again, you need to live in reality, so if you think it is “transgressive” to take her to a furry BDSM convention and she runs out screaming, you fucked up. And if she says “my grandmother just died” your response should not be “I don’t give a fuck.”
It takes time to learn to not give a fuck because you yourself need to muster up the courage to transgress boundaries you were previously afraid of transgressing. Transgression is like lifting weights – you start with little transgressions, you succeed with no negative consequences, and then move to bigger ones.
Leadership. Even the simplest adventure, like picking a restaurant for dinner, requires you to venture into the unknown and possibly confront some threat, which is why women prefer men to take the lead.
By taking the lead and creating a plan, you are being inherently transgressive because you are pulling the woman out of her own reality and into yours, where she cannot predict what will happen. The wilder and more unpredictable and transgressive the adventure, the more she will enjoy yourself and emotionally invest in you. For the same reasons, women generally like it when you act in novel, unpredictable, and mysterious ways: in each case being with the man feels like she is transgressing boundaries.
Hypergamy. Hypergamy is transgression. A hypergamous man exists in a reality the woman cannot access on her own, so being in his presence and vicariously experiencing his reality is inherently transgressive for her. The target of her hypergamy, however, stops being attractive when he adopts the woman’s frame. By limiting himself to the woman’s reality, letting her take the lead, and staying within her boundaries a man is no longer transgressive. A man who adopts a woman’s frame is predictable, boring, and unattractive.
Frame. Holding frame means you make the rules, not her. Of course, you should never say “I set the rules here woman” – that would make you look like a crazy douchebag. Instead, the general, underlying feeling of the interaction should be that you are going to do whatever the fuck you feel like, and she is lucky to join the party.
Shit Tests. A shit test is essentially a woman throwing a boundary in front of you to see how you react. You “beat” the shit test by rolling through her attempted boundary calmly and joyfully, without being emotionally perturbed. But if you show anxiety, you fail because you are showing that her boundary slowed you down or stopped you. This is why “agree and amplify” is a great response to a shit test: you are saying “not only did the boundary you created not stop me, I can transgress a bigger one.”
To transgress you need to learn to weather what I call the “freak out moment.” The freak out moment is the moment you try to transgress a boundary and the woman freaks out because, in her mind, the boundary is solid. She can express the freak out moment by showing displeasure, acting strangely, or appearing to lose interest for a short time. Most guys cave during the freak out moment and pull back, re-acknowledging the boundary. But if you can stay patient and weather the storm, once she sees that the boundary has been crossed with no negative consequences, her attraction to you will increase.
Self-improvement. Women are impressed by self-improvement not just because they like the final product, but because they are impressed by the man’s ability to transcend himself and transgress his previous boundaries.
Conversation. When first approaching a woman, the easiest and most immediate way to show your transgressive nature is by generating a fun, interesting, and transgressive conversation. You should say something wild, unexpected, offensive, weird, and transgressive as soon as possible to stimulate her emotions. What is transgressive will vary on the situation, but again it should have some payoff and no objective negative consequences.
The key here is honesty – instead of “trying” to be transgressive, you should just say whatever pops into your head, and as you remove your own mental boundaries what pops into your head will become more and more transgressive. Sometimes the most transgressive thing you can say to a woman is “you look really fucking hot” because that is something most other guys won’t have the balls to say to her. A “neg” is also transgressive – you are violating some unspoken boundary by saying something negative, but you make sure it is benign and fun so there are no objectively negative consequences. Most people are imprisoned in boundaries even regarding what they can say and even think. The alpha male, however, is the only person in the tribe with the ability to be honest because nobody can do anything to him.
The moment a conversation because boring or predictable, you must take the lead and change the subject to something interesting and fun. You should take the conversation places that she would not normally be intellectually or emotionally capable of going to by herself, exploring topics and emotions she would normally be scared to touch. For example, if she is complaining about her boss, you can say “let’s go kill your boss.” You can let her imagine wonder by asking things like “what would do if you had a billion dollars,” “who would you kill if you could kill anybody in the world,” “what conspiracy theory do you believe,” “what is the craziest thing you believe,” etc…
Joking and Teasing. Joking and teasing are also transgressive. Peter McGraw, a professor of psychology at the University of Colorado, has theorized that jokes are funny because they are “benign” violation. According to Dr. McGraw people find things funny if it meets two conditions: (a) it threatens our perceptions of the way the world should work, and (b) it presents this information in an non-threatening manner. I will add that the benign violation should have a “payoff” in the form of some thought or opinion that is appealing but that one cannot normally.
Don’t be a Transgression Slut
Remember that when you transgress a boundary, you are doing her a service. You are providing her an experience she cannot normally have. Therefore, she must do something to receive that service. Sometimes shitty women find a transgressive man and shit test him for the fun of it, and then go back to their simp boyfriend at the end of the night. You need to guard your attention.
When Transgression Goes Wrong
Women even enjoy having their own boundaries transgressed, which may sound strange and almost like I am advocating doings thing to women without their consent. That is not what I am saying at all.
Women enjoy having their own boundaries transgressed only when they can vicariously enjoy that transgression themselves. Women want to be partners to your transgression, not the victim of it. When a woman has sex with a dominant man she feels like she is playing a video game where she is fucking herself with his dick. But women only feel like they are in control of the video game when she has emotionally invested in the man, feels like he is firmly accepted into his tribe, and has left her own reality and wants to experience reality through the man’s emotions.
Women come in and out of this state of emotional investment where her purposes become aligned with yours, so if a woman has not “given herself to you” like this and made clear that she wants to vicariously transgress herself, you should not transgress her boundaries, especially her sexual ones. Women evolved to identify one man as the goal and everybody else as a dangerous predator to be avoided. That is why women can only truly emotionally invest in one or maybe two men at a time: they evolved to see every man who is not the alpha as an enemy who can only rob her womb of the opportunity to carry the alpha male’s baby.
If you are not sure how a woman feels about you, start with small transgressions to see how she reacts – if she clearly enjoys it, you can move up to bigger transgressions. But it is not worth it to risk a rape case for a woman who is on the borderline. I personally make extra careful to make sure I have every kind of consent because I don’t want the anxiety of even thinking what would happen if things went wrong. You need to be ready to pull back at any moment because she can swing from subconsciously seeing you as her partner to her enemy extremely quickly. Womens’ subconscious minds are constantly categorizing men as “friendly alpha male” or “enemy to be avoided” and sometimes she will rapidly flip back and forth about you when she is trying to figure out what you are. If her subconscious mind categorizes you as “enemy” then her intellectual mind will characterize anything you do as some kind of moral wrong.
My website: http://www.woujo.com
My new book Transcending the Tribe: https://amzn.to/2KsUTK3