So if you want the backstory, check my previous thread about how I got started with this chick.
To start though, we were about 3 months in. I started out cocky and indifferent, but she wore me down by investing in me so much that I lost my objectivity and agreed to commit too early. That was my first mistake, which inevitably led us to where we are now. The complex details are really irrelevant, as there is every chance that this situation is totally cooked already, but the current situation is as follows:
She treated me extremely well; affectionate, doting, and submissive, right up until the moment she didn't. The only constant theme in the relationship that would explain this, is that I had been gradually making myself too available. I initially turned down her requests for short catch-ups, preferring proper weekend dates, and so although she was needy and insecure, she continued to treat me with respect. But then one night during the week, she asked if she could see me, and so feeling like I should probably 'take it easy on her' for once, I said yes.
This seemed to trigger something in her, because an hour later, she turned up at my door with an attitude. She wasn't overtly rude or disrespectful, but the conversation was awkward, and I began to notice she was now talking down to me, like I had suddenly been put in the friend zone. She had made a big deal about coming over, but then had nothing interesting to say and no real reason to be here at all. After about 20-30 minutes, she made her excuses about being tired (sub-communicating no sex tonight), before collecting some of her belongings and leaving.
I stayed cool and didn't react to any of it, but I certainly didn't want her to stay either, and waited impatiently by the door as she got her stuff together. She was a different person, the mood was tense, and I wanted her gone.
Some time later, after arriving home, she sent me a picture of one of my t-shirts, as if to say "this is yours, come get it". No text, just the picture.
The girl who just days ago was worshipping the ground I walked on, was now treating me like one of her beta orbiters. Despite how suddenly it happened, I had obviously given her too much of my time and killed the attraction - because whatever her intentions were, she was sub-communicating that she had checked out of the relationship.
Initiate ghost protocol. No asking what's wrong, no talking about feelings. If she sees that there are no actual consequences for this behaviour, she will do it again until she loses all respect completely.
I Ignored her texts and calls for a few days until she finally asked me what's wrong. I bluntly told her I was fine, but that I would not be going away with her on the weekend. After another few days, she confirmed that she will not be back in town until after Christmas, so we will not be spending Christmas together. Sucks for me, as I don't have family here, but there's no way I am travelling anywhere for her right now.
My theory is, that because I didn't challenge her behaviour on the spot, there is no way I can challenge it retroactively without looking weak - so the only play I've got is to soft-ghost her until she feels so miserable that she seeks reconciliation. Once she is back in town, I'll tell her we need to talk, and then just drop the issue. If she feels bad enough, she won't push it, but if she does then I'll tell her to drop it or leave.
My hope is that although she may not consciously understand what went wrong, she will know that she did something to piss me off, and will do everything in her power to make sure that I don't ghost her again. Her understanding should be that if she comes over to my place, she leaves her shitty attitude at home and is ready to get naked if I want it. If she can't do that, no problem, but she stays at home.
Which brings me to the question: I am doing this because I know that communicating about feelings of disrespect just signals weakness and plays into a woman's game. For her, any attention is good attention, and so as long as she's getting what she wants, she is not going to submit. Therefore the only way of regaining respect is to remove your attention completely until you get it. It also signals value because you're demonstrating that you're not afraid of losing her. I get all that - in theory.
But to me it still feels like weakness, and I imagine it coming across as butt-hurt - like a child who's locked himself in his room and is refusing to talk. How can someone rectify a problem if you don't tell them what it is? Maybe she knows, maybe she doesn't, maybe this was a shit test - maybe it was just a woman being a woman and not knowing what she was doing.
Anyway, it's been a week today, and the earliest I will see her will be Friday, most likely Saturday, so that will be almost 2 weeks. She is obviously hurt and confused, and although that doesn't change how I feel - I am still having doubts about whether I handled this correctly? I am worried that in rejecting her attempts at reconciliation, I have over egged the pudding, and now there is no way we can even discuss what happened.
I welcome comments and advice from anyone.