Alright. I'm going to tell you my personal experience.
Growing up I had no real self. I was great to be around cause I was able to study people find their likes and dislikes then seduce them.
This happened subconsciously and was because of my upbringing of having narcissistic parents.
I essentially lacked a "THIS IS WHO I AM".
I decided to build my self.
Become a self made man in a way.
I decided, I CHOSE, to act and be a way I wanted to be.
I wanted to be witty, smart and wise? Roger that.
I studied, read, and practiced till I was.
and if people didn't like it FUCK EM'.
I was in a place where I didn't need to rely on people.
I was fine with being alone.
“A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.” ~ Arthur Schopenhauer
I built uncompromising values in myself.
So, think about building values, instead of building your "SELF".
because think about it....
your"Self" is trying to build your "self".
That just won't work.
If you read Allan watts though you should know he preaches a lot that the "Self" doesn't really exist.
Read "The wisdom of insecurity" then if you have watched his lectures.
That's where he explains that the self doesn't really exist.