So i went to a party with my girlfriend, who i was in a LTR type relationship with.
Her ex, who supposedly ruined her life and she doesnt speak to, was there. I didnt know what he looked like. She didnt tell me that was him, i found out from someone else at the party.
I said her name and motioned for her to come here. She turned her head but claims to have not heard me. She walks over and starts chatting with her ex. I tried to retain frame and calmly got a plate of food and sat near them and ate it.
I could feel myself exploding with rage inside so I took a lap for about a half hour to try to keep my head.
When i returned, they were standing very close and clearly enjoying each others company.
I walked up behind her and she kind of ignored me. I said I was leaving, and she could go or stay.
I tried to be stoic and not speak with her, but inside i was exploding with primal rage. We were an hour drive from home, and over the course of the drive i lost my shit and went full anger and told her all of the things she had done wrong.
At first She said her night was ruined, wanted to go say bye to everyone, had done nothing wrong.
Then she vacillated between "I did nothing wrong" and I am so so sorry.
I told her she had compromised my standards, lost my trust, and I did not want to be with her anymore.
I know I acted like a butt hurt little bitch and she will probably never see me the same, which I accept.
How would you have handled this better?
Ventrego 3y ago
You did fine here. Saying "hi" and chatting with an ex for a minute before moving away is politeness. Chatting with him for thirty minutes, and ignoring you to do it?! It's a shit test.
When you said you were leaving, with or without her, you made it clear you wouldn't put up with her shit test any longer.
She tried lie, "I did nothing wrong." You held frame and bitched her out.
She tried to shame, "But I wanted to say goodbye to everyone else there." (Think how embarrassing it is that you made me leave!) You didn't cave.
When she had to start apologizing, she realized she screwed up and was in danger of losing you. That, my friend, is when you won.
You only lose this if you start apologizing to her. You were very much in the right here.
dellins44 3y ago
I'm new here but came across your post. I can totally relate to this. I went to a wedding once with a girlfriend and this exact thing happened. I too wondered if I did something wrong. In my opinion your GF knows she shouldn't have done this as she started back peddling. I think only time will tell. I can say in my case this caused me to watch her more closely. Maybe I have huge trust issues.
Redhoss0027 3y ago
Girls with me aren't allowed any guy friends or to entertain any ex boyfriends(or any man). She herself is to "shoo" guys away. Ladies learn this within a couple month with me.
e.i
Letting them know how guys think and letting them know what it means when they play the jealousy card casually in conversation.
Applying dread.
Not making exceptions etc.
A lady with me for over year simply get dropped and blocked. They knew the deal.
airplane_noise16 3y ago
I would rather a woman choose me than control her every interaction with the opposite sex. Too much overhead.
I have better things to spend my attention on, and it only leads to her resenting you. If a girl wants to cheat, she will.
Have you found otherwise?
Redhoss0027 3y ago
The main takeaway is to train yourself to be able to release them until it oozes out of you and less these situations will happen.
Harry-Azcrac 3y ago
It is completely understandable why you got pissed. But you have to be ready at any moment to leave your girl, always. Yes, I agree you could have handled the situation better. You should have not only maintained your frame, but not given a shit. She noticed it was bothering you and making you jealous, she likes that. But never show anger towards your girlfriend. You must stay put together at all times. When you saw what she was doing, you realized she was disrespecting you. At that moment, you must not give a shit about her anymore. Once she disrespects you just forget about her, forget you brought her, forget it all. She knows what she is doing and is looking for a reaction out of you. Instead, you should of hit up some chicks, go get some numbers. Fuck your girlfriend, she disrespected you, so you forgot she existed and hit up some chicks. Now obviously, getting numbers from chicks isn't going to be ideal for your relationship, but neither is what she is doing. Getting numbers is optional, but hitting up chicks is not. Whether she notices or not is irrelevant because you're not hitting up chicks for her, you are doing it for you, remember, she doesn't exist anymore. Then, once you have had your fun, go home. Did you bring someone there with you? Who the fuck knows, you forgot. She will look around for you and wonder where the hell you are. She will ask around and find out you left and hit up some chicks. Immediately she will forget her ex was there. Now, she is jealous that you hit up chicks, multiple at that, she is freaking out because you left without and she thinks you are going to break up with her. She will become fully aware of what she did without you having said a word. This shows her that she disrespected you, crossed a boundary, and you aren't fucking around, you have better shit to do than her and girls you can hit up. This will cause her to apologize like no other. You must understand attention is oxygen for women, you remove all your attention from her, she will freak the fuck out. So now she arrives at your place and is begging for you to forgive her. You act like you have no fucking idea what she is talking about. She is aware you know, but by ignoring it you are freaking her out even more because you are not only ignoring her but she is worried you are going to move on or talking with someone else which will make her suck your dick every second of everyday. You are ignoring it, but also removing some attention from her. She needs to earn your attention back throughout the next few days. Actions fuck girls up, words work for them. Maintain your frame and understand your girl disrespected you. It doesn't mean you go disrespect her, it means you go do what ever the fuck you want disregarding her. Hitting up girls isn't a childish way of getting her back, but you simply hitting on girls. She won't be mad you flirted with some chicks because she is too worried as to WHY you did it. Is he moving on? Is he talking with other girls? Is he mad at what I did? She will kill herself with these thoughts because girls think emotionally, not logically. Men think logically and don't give a fuck about women. Yeah, care about your girl but when she disrespects you, she no longer exists until she earns you back. She does it twice? Fuck her and go fuck some other bitches. Hope this helped. It really is just the mentality of you are the best, most valuable person, and you don't give a fuck.