I am listening to a midwestern sadboy music mix, and I started feeling. Its red pill to feel things, right?
I'm a youngster, and I ain't much of a plate kinda guy to boot. You can call me a sentimental bloop, but I enjoy companionship, fun times, bonds and memories. Sex might be part of it, but it just aint everything to me.
In fact, the thing I miss the most is the intimacy, sex is everywhere, deep connections arent.
Anyways, I was just doin my thang on Facestagram, sharing dank memes, posting selfies, getting lots of likes comments and shares. Life was good in 2016.
The same day I got 100+ likes on my profile picture update, I received 3 DM's from some pretty cute girls. 3 dates, 2 plates, 1 stayed.
This story is about the girl that stayed, the one I'll never forget, the one I think about while I'm fucking other hoes. That bitch tattooed teardrops on my brain.
Her opener was something about me looking familiar, so I played along and said I know one of her friends. Eventually she just straight up asked me "So do you wanna hang out with me?"
Fuck, I guess this whole red pill SMV thing must actually be working!
"Yeah sure, just make sure you wear pretty underwear," I texted without much thought.
She played coy, "Now why would I wanna do that?"
A quick look through her profile and I see her posting the classic ass shots in the bathroom, showing off her titties in a bra in her bedroom - "Well, it's not like I haven't seen it before."
She responded with the >.< emoji, and our date was set.
I have a routine for first dates, I take her to a bar I'm a regular and half the people know me, (shout out to Tito for letting me in without carding me) then take her for ice-cream, then go for a walk, then back to my place.
Everything went perfectly. We danced at the bar, kinoed with the ice-cream, made-out on my bed, and fucked in my living room. I busted a nut so great in her round ass that it broke the condom. She was hysterical, on the floor crying, bitch was talking nonsense.
I, on the other hand, never felt so calm in my entire life. "It's gonna be okay baby. Come with me to CVS we'll get some contraceptives. You are gonna be fine. Come with me, trust me. It'll be okay."
My first real test of frame. Months later she would still bring up how much she loved that moment, she said it defined her attraction to me, but as you'll soon learn, how the fuck could I trust anything this bitch has to say now?
About 3 months into our relationship, which consisted of TV, Fucking, and walks through nature, she brought up the "us" situation. It was also the first time she told me she actually loved me.
I decided, let's do it baby. Lets make it US now.
Things only got better from there. She was an artsy goth girl, a fantastic artist at that - and she loved drawing pictures of us together. She even painted a portrait of us together. Among her drawings and paintings were poems and love letters she would send me through the mail as little surprises. Fuck, I think she really loved me.
And how was the sex? Well it was the best goddamn sex in my 17 years of living. Random, passionate blowjobs in the middle of the night - waking up to her riding me, I got to fuck her any time, anywhere, anyways - anal on roofs, handcuffs in public, blindfold and ropes on my bed, anywhere. She even took birth control so I could nut inside since we both liked that.
About a year and a half into this shit and I'm thinking I might have actually found the one to start a family with - this bitch supported me in all my dreams, everything I pursued she was right there on the sidelines cheering me on. She always found interest in my hobbies, always wanting to learn and participate with me. She was more than a fuck, more than a LTR even, she was a partner. She was on my team, and there's nothing more valuable to me in a woman than that.
One day, I was browsing through snap chat and I saw her story, it was a black image with the text "why cant guys just take no for an answer" on it. I asked her what happened, and after several minutes of prodding, she finally confessed that she had been raped.
I was furious - I ask her who is this fucker so I could find him and kill him. I tell her to lay out exactly what happened so we can figure shit out.
"Well this guy I've been talking to invited me over to his house. We had wine and played cards on his bed. One thing led to another and I ended up naked and he was inside of me. I told him no, I told him I had a boyfriend, but he didn't listen."
What the fuck man. I just hung up. She spams my phone for the next couple of minutes, then arrives at my house via uber. I still don't know what to say at this point. "Damn," Was all I could reply to her exasperated explanations.
I let her in and night draws nearer. She falls asleep on my bed and I decide to do some reconnaissance.
Her password was easy to guess, and man that was a treasure trove of heart-breaking red pills for my young and dumb ass.
She had cheated on me god knows how many times over the course of our entire relationship. What the fuck?! How could I have ever seen this coming? Everything I've ever read told me the signs would be distance, lack of love, star-fish sex, shit just wasn't adding up. And It wasn't just one guy she was fucking around with, it was Andrew, Blake, Maury, Peter, Zack, William, and David.
Me and this bitchboy David had beef and she fucked him?
I put the phone down and wake her up.
"How many times did you fuck David?"
"How many, times, did you have sex, with, David?"
After a long winded blow-up on her end, I got the answer.
All the while she was writing me love poetry, drawing pictures of us together that I had framed on my wall, she was fucking this bastard.
"get the FUCK out of my house, now"
"But it's night time and I dont have a ride and-"
At this point my parents were awake, and they barged into my room to see her naked on my bed, and me seething with wrath. I punched a hole into the wall. My parents jumped to her side, telling me to calm down, to never yell at a lady.
"Yeah AFTSOV can't you see that I love you!?" She cried out.
I exploded, "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY" and charged at her, my mom throwing herself in between us.
My dad yelled and cursed for her to get out of our house, so she ran outside naked in the cold winter night.
I broke down.
I've been cheated on before, but that was easily explainable. I was acting in beta ways, I was too involved, cared too much about the relationship, no boundaries, the girl was half hearted about me, the works.
But this? I couldn't have seen it coming with a magnifying glass.
I cried, for a long time. Years later, sometimes I still tear up. Infact today I had a dream where I was crying about her.
If I can be treated like a king and still get betrayed, what can I do?
Looking back I could see a few red flags - half naked selfies on her social medias, but what girls dont do that in this age of modernity? She didn't ever take any mental illness medications, or allude that she had one. She always struck me as a loving young girl.
I've never met another girl who supported me like she did, and I always wind up comparing new prospects to her. Today I was fucking a different girl and kept repeating the cheater's name in my head.
If that aint the most gayest shit you've ever read, I just don't know bro.
Homies ask me, "Dude she burned you, how tf can you still smile with all that pain?"
I just say "Shit, life goes on nigga."