I dated a bit, and I even started my first serious relationship. He is a really, really nice guy. Even when things went sour, he was always nice. Always caring, always there.

He was like, literally a brother to her!

I ruined him.

Are you here, reading brother?

He was raised right, and he was very good to me. I was not. Looking back, I don’t even know why I treated him so bad. A lot was just anger took out on him. 3 years later, we end things for good and on good terms.

tldr; After turning this boy into a burnt out husk, he agrees to assume dust form and blow off into the wind so that she may devour her next victim.

This taught me a lot about appreciation in my life as should everybody learn about at one point in their life.. but I guess this is where Karma comes in.

Typical weirdo women shakra stuff

I reconnected with somebody else that I dated.. and I guess this is where the “main” part of this entire post is significant. I love this guy. I mean I really, really loved the guy.

Ok, fess up, which one of you cretens was dicking this girl down?

But again, I could never be perfect. I was jealous, I was clingy, and I was very emotional. I was blinded by his changes compared to 4 years before that I just threw everything I had for the second time. I dropped all that I had and went for it. He promised me good things, I believed. I did not do any of this because of chasing love, but rather I viewed him as my best friend and somebody I really felt supported me in my decisions. This went on for a long time, the amount of trust was unbelievable.

She literally can not tell the difference between "supporting her" and not caring about her at all. Because she was raised to believe that the most amount of autonomy and men agreeing with her, rather than guiding her, is what "caring" is.

In this regard, it is impossible for a woman to separate being a plate and someone who actually is cared for. Because of course, who gives a shit what your plate thinks, right?

"Oh I'm thinking of taking out a 100k loan to stream on Twitch"

Oh wow, that sounds like a really bold and smart move for a super smart girl like you... wow, go get her tiger.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice guy to his friends and family. Nobody ever believed me when I told them the way it was at home. I’ve counted 3 black eyes, unlimited bruises, countless times of being thrown on the ground, and 4 times I was choked til tears. The fights were always about the same thing, me wanting more effort on his end

Wow, this sounds horrible. What kind of monster would just not care about someone, have no motivation to do anything for her?

or being too clingy.. or saying things that he did not like.

Translation : He would not commit

He’s amazing to his peers, there for them, will go out of his way for them. Very loyal as well.. but to me,

Translation : I was willing to share

I didn’t even get 5% of it.

Translation : I was a maladjusted plate.

I am not perfect. I broke things around the house, but one thing I never, ever did.. was insult him or talk down on him.

Translation : I instigated the fights and physical violence and he smacked a bitch

I have been called every single insulting name out there besides my real name. I have been called Bitch and cunt so many times that I feel like it was plastered on my forehead. I’ve got scars on my body that taunt me, and i wake up from nightmares all the time. I tried my best to not stress him out. I tried my best to watch my words and actions, I tried for a long time to be perfect.

Translation : His SMV was very high.

You see, nobody ever saw this. Nobody believed me besides close friends who would physically see the bruises and the times I cried for help from hurting so bad. Even after this post, a lot of you will not think any of it is true and “she’s just being dramatic”. I am in no way trying to make him into a bad person, he’s really not. In fact out of all his friends.. I can safely say that he is the most loyal and caring for them.

Translation : Everyone knew this chick was mental.

Depression is no joke. I’ve called suicide hotlines several times in the past 6 months, I have looked into therapy and anti-depressants.. and I tried to reach out about it to him. He told me that I’m pathetic and to not bring it up around him. I was a crybaby, I sulked too much. I think this hurt me the most because he was my best friend and who I looked to for support.. but instead I was thrown away like I was invisible. I guess it just all got to me. In fact, I just texted him that I felt so alone that i wanted to end my life, and again, he replied that I am pathetic.

Translation : There is no psychiatric program for alpha widows.

And you know what, I am pathetic in many ways. I am not as successful or as intelligent as him and I sure as hell am not as strong. Til this day I admire so much about him. I mean, I really did care for this person. We had a lot of good times. In the end, it was all worth it.

tldr; I am RMV0 and have no self awareness

Although this makes him seem evil, I still don’t believe he is. It was only this way to me, and it was not always this way. I held with all I had to the last bit of what I felt I could take… but eventually when you’re told that you’re not cared about enough, you begin to not even care about yourself anymore. If I could just pinpoint how I could stop making all this hurt go away, I would… but I can’t. And that’s why I’m here.

Translation : After sleeping around a lot, I am incapable of feeling attraction to men who care about me.

Now I know what a lot of you are thinking, “ why did she depend her happiness over one person..” entirely not true. I would not kill myself over a guy. But could I feel more broken from what has happened? Yes. Could it exemplify my emptiness and open my wounds, yes.

Translation : I'm killing myself over a guy, because nothing else that has been sold to me as fulfillment has any value to me. My dopamine receptors are shot.

Realistically, this post may seem like I decided to end my life over a failed relationship. That is not true. It may have contributed to depression but all in all, I just feel alone. I may have had spurts of happiness, but whenever things turned sour, I returned right back to where he put me.

Enjoy the decline...

But to be honest peeps, I’m done. I’m hurt to the bone and I just don’t have any will power left in me. Please understand.

What do you think the chances are if we rewound her back to more simple times she'd have written this and killed herself.

Pretty much zero.

Stupidest shit I've read all week. Liberals will handwave this as "mental illness."

This isn't mental illness, this is cultural decline. She was a value system shift away from getting her life at least halfway sorted. Doubtful she'd be able to settle down after the CC ride she's been on, but at least for her to be able to understand how to make real friends, get a real purpose in life etc and start building something of value for herself.

This was a life lost to cultural decline, I'm sure of it. I'm not mad or sad.

This is just disappointing.

If this continues on, more and more kids in households that will begin or have begun in this forum will be addressing issues like this.

Just imagine having to watch your own daughter trainwreck her life for 10 years straight into the grave because everything you tell her to try and make her happy is "misogynistic" or "patriarchal."

This was a very honest letter. She framed it as "his fault," literally an external locus of control, but it was honest as far as she could understand honesty.

Reread this letter and my commentary and you can see how the hamster, and narratives spin.

This was a violent basketcase alpha widow with an external locus of control who was emotionally bankrupt that any man worth his salt should be able to see right through.

Dark read, but it's not often women dump their brains like this.