there are no exceptions to this, never tell them your shit.

I think its important to maintain a balance and understand when, where and how you should share your problems as a man. Constantly holding it in, or not sharing them with a loved one (particularly a significant other) is both unhealthy to you mentally and alienating to them, you are talking about potentially rupturing a relationship.

​

That being said, I think that even when talking about your problems, you shouldn't approach it with a tone of self-pity or in an attempt to look for sympathy. Sounding whiny or doing it constantly isn't gonna help too. The way I like to approach it is through asking for perspective in a moment when me and the girl are completely alone together. That way, she knows that I'm still on top of things while also feeling like I'm confining in her. That builds trust, and it also doesn't make you look weak or overly emotional.

Fuck all this noise. I've lived most of my life 'not sharing my problems' and I've come to regret it.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to what kind of place you're coming from.

If you're sharing your problems in a way that's emotionally charged and seems to demand pity then yeah, that's going to come across as pathetic and both men and women will persecute you for it.

If you share your problems in a way that's matter-of-factly, or even has a positivity twist to it, then that's completely different.

Everyone has obstacles. Doesn't matter if you're a tramp on the street of Julius fucking Caesar. You have obstacles, you have a battle.

The question is always how you handle it.

If you're being whiny and negative then yeah, that's never going to command any kind of respect.

If you face it head on with the mentality that YOU are BIGGER than the problem coming your way, then there's no way that anyone can ever say jack shit to you. And if anyone tries, cut them out. They just did you a favour and identified themselves as a toxic little shit undeserving of your time.

Don't believe me? Go look at any fucking motivational video on youtube. 'I was so down in the dirt'. 'I really wasn't shit, my life was pathetic'. 'But then everything changed when I became ThorThundercock, master of the five reality stones'

Does that shit make you think pathetic, or does it get you hyped and make you like the person more?

Bu-but Weary, that shit is them telling a story, it's written in past tense.

Bitch so?

Re-write that shit into present and future tense. If it hasn't happened yet then make it a VISION that others can buy into.

It's provocative, it gets the people going.

Women don't like men who look for their supports

I think there's a huge confusion here: one thing is to ask for support and another is just to share a problem you currently have and are on your way of solving or figuring it out without expecting her input or to solve it.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with stating "my God, the workload is huge. The boss is an ass but whatever, I'll find out how to do X", compared to "oh my God the workload is huge, I don't know what to do, do you think I should do X or Y?"

What does the book Models have to say about this....something something Vulnerability.

Yes, they have insane double standards. Welcome to TRP.

The takeaway is: they want to see a strong man so that they can cry on your shoulder. If you cry, you're no more than a girl friend, and soon she'll by crying on your shoulder over some dude that fucked her and didn't call her anymore.

Sadly there are not many people with whom you can share your problems. Only the following: your dad (if he is still alive/in your life), a buddy you can TRUST, a therapist

loveafterporn is the most hilariously hystrionic subreddit I've ever followed.

I feel for those guys committed to shrieking harpies who think you touching your own dick is cheating.

No matter how pathetic alone or miserable you are, never show your weaknesses to outsiders. Once you changed, the opinions about you may have not.

I had a plate that told me about her ex. She said she hated the fact that he would always tell her about his problems and idealize her, her exact words were

"I felt more like a mother than a girlfriend."

This statement stuck with me. She doesn't want to be your mother so don't come crying to her the same way you would cry to your mother. She wants a man. Great post.

Never tell women your problems. They will not help you, in fact, they will take you to the wrong road of life. She will try to project the blue pill bias and you will be more and more unfortunate on life.

I would agree if you said, don't tell your problems to women you intent to bang.

Women are great listeners. If you just wanna vent without having a practical solution, women are great. I have a bunch of close girl friends who i find unattractive or otherwise am not interested in and i share my problems with them all the time. They're part of my fundamental support core group.

If you want a practical solution to a problem, find a dude.

I really don't understand why are you guys so defensive about people. Sure there are shitty people, but if you risk yourself being vulnerable you'll find out that there are some amazing people out there who really do lift the world off your shoulders somedays. If all you do is bitch and moan and do nothing to get your shit together, then everyone has a limit.

Like other commenters have said, don't complain the world doesn't work how you thought it does. Learn how it works and where you can get the support you need. This is why, to be complete, you must have guy friends, girl friends, lays, family and self support. Everything is part of a big puzzle. If you place all your needs in one woman, it's like placing all the weight of a table in one leg. She'll break and since she's your only support, you'll break too. Spread that love around, put more legs on your table.

In that line of thought, be wary of LTR with girls who also have no family, friends and self support. They will make unreasonable demands of you.

Next time a woman complains about your porn, tell her you'll give it up when she gives up her vibrators and dildos.

I wish I knew that during my first relationship. She had always pushed me to “open up.” Of course those were my blue pill days when I really believed she cared. Then when shit was hitting the fan, she through everything I told her back in my face. She said my past issues made me “damaged beyond repair.” That’s when I started hating her. Didn’t last too much longer after that.

That was the first and last time I ever shared my past with a woman. I’ll only do that again if I get married, and I am NEVER getting married.

Don’t make this mistake fellas. All you are doing is giving her ammo on you for inevitable downfall. She doesn’t gave a damn about how you feel. She only cares about what she can get out of you. Once you “open up,” you’ve just entered her frame. Get ready for your demise.

I mean, when it comes to them, we are suppose to forget and forgive every chad/Tyrone they had hooked up with but they are not even to forget images of women we had seen although their feminists sisters encouraged to women to behave like sluts and do porn and when now, its coming and biting them in their asses but somehow they are saying we are responsible for not controlling our urges.

This made my brain revolt.

Never tell them becuase odds are shes told you an embarrassing secret about her bestie. This is a two way street and you better believe she'll backstab you harder than the friend becuase you're temporary. Remember it's just your turn. Also, if her close friends has some traits you don't like, it means your girl has those traits too and are hiding them from you until you get further in the relationship. AWALT

The problem is that men validate these otherwise asenine emotional outbursts by taking them seriously. It only becomes a problem if you care.

Oh she caught me watching porn? “Come here honey, maybe you can learn a thing or two.”

sounds like you need to lay off porn bro

A women thinks it's her job to have problems. And women hate it when you take their job.

You're never obligated to share your problems with anyone. Building an authentic relationship is impossible however if you have a shitload of problems that you're always trying to hide from your partner all the time.

Sure you might be able to pull it off in the short-term and get a few lays but you will always be living in the fear that one day a woman is going to discover all your problems and leave you. You'll live your whole life presenting to women a false outer image that is inconsistent with who you really are inside.

You need to either tackle your problems head-on first before deciding to build intimate relationships or get over the fear that a woman might leave you if she decides that your baggage is more than she can handle.

Your resolve to never open up is really just a manifestation of your fear of rejection. Accept that there are women out there who will reject you for your true self and be done with it. If a woman leaves you because you have weaknesses like every other person out there then she doesn't deserve your time in the first place.

The only people you should share a problem with is the people who have the resources to help you solve it, such that you can then do just that.

Women don't care about men's struggles, they hang out at the finish line and they pick up the winners.

I grew up as a son of a single parent and although my mother always urged me to open up to her and talk about my thoughts, I preferred solving my problems alone. Growing up, I spoke-dated a lot of women who "just wanted me to open up, share my inner thoughts, etc etc". It never went down well, especially since their only reaction was pity

Excluding possible exception, which are mathematically bound to exist, learning to move on and cope with one's demons is far more productive than just sharing pointless details with one's female counterpart. Stay strong, seek professional help if you cannot deal with this, but do not let your misfortunes affect your game and, more importantly, your life.

Gee... How old are you?

Women don't want to hear about men's problems.

Women only wants to hear men's solutions to their problems.

My advice would be, never share your problems to almost anyone.

No one needs to know what you are up to.

You can't say that for all women in general. Not all thinks the same, there are women out there who are attracted by emotial and broken men. Your post just sound like a salty complaint, one question: do you have a gf right now or just had a bad experience lately?

That's funny. Just last night I decided to tell my grandpa about this addiction I've been battling, but I strictly told him not to tell my grandma. Additionally, my mom kept being nosy, so I went to my car to talk to him (it was on the phone).

Yep, hooking up with this girl for months, every time i mention im feeling down she goes cold and distant.

Just have to deal with it by myself, fucking sucks.

The only woman you can tell things to are your mother. When you start treating women like your mother, they in turn activate their maternal instincts and mother you. Attraction is lost on both sides. Tell your problems to other men or figure it out on your own.

Don't share your problems with women.ever.

How bout we agree to not make women our personal diary. Face it, men on average want to believe women will be a support that'll prop them up and keep them on their feet. Some sort of living, breathing notepad that'll happily store every scribble you jot down into it.

They're not.

They can be on occasion, but that doesn't mean that's their default. Their default is to look out for themselves, as yours should be too. There will be times you can share personal events and stories to your lady, only once she's made herself worth the while, but this should happen very rarely and it should be treated as a reward for her efforts. If you're going to be intimate with a woman in any way it should be viewed as a reward for something she's done or has become. Don't believe for a second that those moments or rewards will mean anything down the line, they're not small covert contracts that'll keep her acting in line. The moment she wants to act against you or your best interests, then she will and there won't be a second of hesitation.

There will be times in every long term relationship where one party admits something deep about themselves to the other. That's a part of building a healthy relationship, but that doesn't entitled either to the other indefinitely. Don't expect anything from your significant other, or from anyone for that matter. You focus on what's happening right now, and you'll be better off for it.

Good stuff until i came onto the second paragraph

I mean, when it comes to them, we are suppose to forget and forgive every chad/Tyrone they had hooked up with but they are not even to forget images of women we had seen although their feminists sisters encouraged to women to behave like sluts and do porn and when now, its coming and biting them in their asses but somehow they are saying we are responsible for not controlling our urges. How ironic.

Shit sounded like something from the incel subreddit

Just keep your mouth shut less is always more not just with women but in life work and all relationships speak when spoken to stop seeking validation

Stop with the cringy Chad/Tyrone incel terminology.

Get over this butthurt "fucking slut slept around with a bunch of guys who got their shit together and did not desire my pure god cock" phase. If you are here and you have read everything from the Sidebar, you should to be at least more self-aware that all this getting back at women for whatever reason is an insecurity, not a power.

Know to love the game, not use it as some revenge porn incel fantasy. Women are what they are. So is a person with no legs. Both didnt have a choice or a say in the matter. Get the fuck over it and work on bettering yourself as a man.

On top of that, porn is not what most people make it out to be. If you have a fairly healthy routine with it, it's okay. You're not gonna become some deranged sex maniac that has to jack off every five seconds and if you abstain from it, you're not gonna grow a third eye either. Making it a problem makes it a problem.

Other than that - yes, do not share a women all of your struggles because the minute you do and she feels more power over you - your ass is done.

My problems are almost always moral dilemas.

So I tell them to everyone I see fit so that I can listen to their takes on the subject. Sometimes people can show you perspectives you hadn't considered before.

Umm i just read that sub. Thats a sub for partners of porn ADDICTS. there is a whole lot of difference between an addict and a watcher. Addicts need it and spend hours on it and neglect their duties and partners and their own purpose. Thats a red flag. I have never met a woman who doesn't know that all guys watch porn and is turned off by guys who casually watch porn. I think you really purposely left out a big detail of that sub to make a point.

Date a bi chick. You can check girls out together, it's awesome.

Why does this post feel like the 90s? Women watch porn too. Lots of porn.

Be wary “open up and cry” is a trap move to identify you as weak. It’s 100% a trap. Women will convince you otherwise because they might even believe in their head it’s what they want. But it isn’t EVER. It’s a shit test every time

I stopped telling my problems to anyone for that matter. Much less to women. I actually feel bad when talking about my problems. I prefer solving them

Don't share your problems with men either. We don't care.

Wow, did not know about love after porn subreddit - holy shit - their boyfriends have an addiction and those harpies make a whole subreddit about how that is affecting them.

That's literally: war happened, women were widowed.

Never share your problems with women. Weird porn rant and women blame, Then never share your problems with women again. Kinda jumping around here.

I recently made a post here about my experiences with my mother and how everyone needs to out grow theirs.

I am actually surprised I do not feel like telling my mom my secrets would help. My dad always taught me ""women will never understand you", "women are different, leave'em be", "women and men go through different problems". I'm glad he did. I've never told my mom any secrets, and I've never had to tell my dad any because he could understand without speech. One look, one facial expression, we got each other.

I just wish he would fist bump, he's old school.

Actually, that's a really good filter. As soon as possible you should talk about your problems and gauge their reactions.

Fuck being a rock for someone who doesn't have your back.

and dont ask them for relationship advice either

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I was in this forum,but not before this happened, and you're right