Back when I was but a whelp, to get a girl's number we had to find a pen and a piece of paper. A real mood killer. You kids today [shakes fist at cloud] have got it easy, just enter the digits and you're done.

But there's a question of timing, and technique. You don't want to do it too early before you've built some interest, and you don't want to be awkward about it, "Gee, uh, you know, uh, maybe sometime, uh you know ..." You've been there, you know what I mean.

FIELD REPORT SITUATION

A few years back I was out at the local brewery listening to live music and reading my Kindle one Friday night. It's something I enjoy doing, and occasionally (often) I turn it into meeting new people, not pickup, but just meeting people - my city can be very small at times, and I always seem to find someone in common with strangers.

Anyhoo at the table next to me was a smoking Swedish-style Blondie, and her plain, married friend. I got a couple glances from Blondie, so when her friend went to pee I opened Blondie. Had a nice chat for a few minutes, then her friend came back. During the chat I figured I'd like to meet Blondie again - she was cute and had decent enough convo, something about she was an artist and had travelled the world over.

Friend comes back, I excuse myself after a few minutes, and go back to reading at my table about ten feet away, but the whole time thinking I should have moved for the digits.

When they finally get up to leave, I make my move. I slide my chair out as they walk past me and say "goodnight." My chair of course sticks, I can't pull my phone out of my back pocket and get it unlocked, by this time they're way past me, and Blondie is about six inches taller than me - did I mention she really was Swedish?, all of which throws me off. I awkwardly ask for her digits, "gee I'd sure like to see you again," but never follow up for other reasons.

THE TAKEAWAY

Here's the two lessons from this story:

Timing to get the digits is critical

Wait too long and it feels unnatural, the conversation loses its flow, and you come off as weak or inexperienced. Waiting also gives you time to chicken out - don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.

As I noted in my story, during our initial convo I determined I wanted to follow up but didn't do so right when that urge hit me. When you're talking with new women, at some point you'll either decide she's not worth moving forward, or that you want to try for the digits.

But _do_not_read_this_, how will I know? You'll get a shot of adreneline in your gut that goes up to your head and makes your face flush, right at that moment when you think "ASK FOR HER DIGITS!" You know the feeling, the one that makes you chicken out, the surge of energy that often tells you "don't do this, this is risky!"

That's when you have to make your move, because that's your gut telling you it's now or never. That point right when you decide you want her digits is when you need to act. Be cool and smooth about it, of course, but act within a couple of 10-20 seconds, or the moment will be gone. I used to wait that long just to let the flush leave my face - women can read this shit, you know. Nowadays I don't get the flush so I just work it into the convo.

If you wait, as the story was told, you'll spend the next ten minutes looking for another opening and either chickening out, or forcing it like I did (I did both - I chickened out when I got that first surge, then I forced it).

Technique is so easy these days it should be second nature for you kids

You've got the tool in your pocket to get her digits. At the moment you decide to ask (wait for a natural convo break, of course), just pull out your damn phone, say something like, "Hey, I'd really like to hear more about [whatever sht she was just saying that's plausibly interesting]. Let me get your number and we'll talk more about it." Look her square in the eyes when you say this. You can break eye contact to unlock your phone and open it to the dial-pad - but look her square in the eyes and smile when you hand it to her.

Don't have a fucking convo about it, don't even talk about the phone (you never talk about process, ever when doing this shit). As my ex FIL used to say, whoever talks next loses.

When she hands the phone back to you, smile, look her in the eyes, and say, "great, I look forward to seeing you again," and don't break eye contact until she does. End the convo and move on with your life.

Is this the only way to do it?

No. But it's a good way to get started without having too much going on. This way you don't have to awkwardly try to actually schedule a meeting, remember your schedule, work with her schedule, "let's do this Tuesday 6:00 ... etc." because you're just a beginner, walk before you can fly. This technique also gives you a natural exit point from the convo so you don't drag it out interminably

CONCLUSION

That's about it man. It'll become second nature after about ten times. Women know what's what, shit, most of them put their name into my phone now at the same time as their number.

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when_its_too_late 5y ago

Man it's actually to nice to live in one of those not so big cities with plenty of breweries and live music bars. Mines got tons, and oh boy I've been in that same situation several times in the past. Never again. That guy feeling must be some kind of godsent instinct that if acts like magic, because it really does work. Besides, now a days women hand out digits to 90% of people who ask because they can always simply not respond.

Zech4riah 5y ago

My advice regarding ncloses: Don't do them, always go for pull or instant date. Your results will improve and you save a lot of energy when you don't have to deal with flakes and somewhat uninterested "maybe" girls.

You should settle with nclose only if the girl is really into you and there is significant logistical obstacle you can't work around.