This may fall under Field Report, but happened over a decade ago.

Background

The TRP NOOB kid with his FR reminded me of the worst date I had ever had, yet turned out OK in the end. I had to reactivate my facebook account to get some details.

What had happened ...

This was a little over a decade ago, I got out of a LTR made a online dating profile (you know, before dating apps.. hell before smartphones) I forgot which one, but you could connect your phone number and receive inbox messages to your phone. It would basically forward your message without giving your phone number to the other person. I was messaging with a cute Midwestern girl new to my city at the time. While messaging she seemed intelligent, mature and confident, more so than a girl her age.

We had switched over to facebook messaging and I had gone through a few plates before I realized I was talking to this female for nearly four months and not a single conversation about meeting up. Finally I told her "look I'm not here for a online chatting relationship, let's meetup for dinner sometime" she was hesitant and it took her a full day to give me a valid excuse, "I work at <fast food restaurant> and <a long diatribe of excuses>". "Look, you're barely 22, I don't expect you to have a great career and make over 75k/yr. We can get something to eat and see where things go. So tomorrow, take a spare shirt and a change of shoes, I'll pick you up from work and we'll go out to eat". She agreed, so at about 10:30 p.m. the next night I pick her up from work, I meet her at the curb, get out of my vehicle walk up to her and give her a hug. I squeezed a bit too hard (intentionally) and lifted her off the ground a bit, she let out a ... squeak/eep sound. And I made a joke about calling her my squeaky toy, she blushed. I walked her to my truck and opened the door for her. When I get in I ask her about her day and I cannot type out what she said, because she mumbled in a very quiet voice.

The closest thing I can think of conveying what she sounded like, if you have seen a peanuts cartoon and hear adults talk that sounds like WAWAH WAH WAH WA WA. Imagine lowering the volume to 2, and more of a Hmm Hmm ha hmm hmm ha sound.

"Sooo .... you had a good day at work?" she smiled, shrugged and nodded. In hindsight I should've kicked her out of my truck then and there, but she was cute, and at that time I was determined to f close every female that responded to me.

From here on to nearly the end is going from memory. And at my age, it is nearly a pile of shit.

We go to Chili's and I try to get a word, a single word out of this female. By the time I take her home she said FIVE words. From her job to Chili's she said "Yeah". Because nearly everything I said or asked elicited either a nod, "mm hmm" or shaking her head no, I ended up ordering her a grilled chicken salad and a margarita. I noticed throughout the night she would just stare at me until she caught herself or realized that I was looking back at her, then she'd blush. I spent a little more than half the time flirting with the bartender. I should've asked for the bartenders number, or given my business card. After the meal as we headed to the truck she said "Thank You".

More awkward one sided conversation while I drove her home, her only pointing which way I should turn. Mind you, had this been in the last year I would've gotten her an Uber/Lyft home. So, being the Chivalrous Chauvinist than I am, I walked her to her door. And went in for a kiss, which considering her awkwardness, she was quite the passionate kisser.

After the kiss, she said "Good night" walked into her apartment and left the door open... Well you know what that means, so despite the night I had I went in. I pull of her shirt and she takes down her pants, and you can guess her name by her tattoo below her belly button, but above her panty line "♣️ ❤️Welcome to Wonder Land ♦️ ♠️"

Sex was decent, inexperienced, but enthusiastic.

Aftermath

I head home and hear a text message, I flip my phone open and before I could read it a few more messages come through. I end up waiting until I get home to check. The gist of the messages were "I had a great time, I love that you took control and order for me, it was hot seeing the bartender flirt with you, I can't wait to see you again, what did you think of our date?, was 'it' ok? are you free tomorrow?"

I replied, along the lines of "Look, on paper/via text you are awesome to txt, but in person there is no conversation. I cannot date someone so shy, we can keep it just sex, but in the long run it woudln't work out"

I was not expecting to get laid at the end of it, a peck on the cheek at most, even though she was giving me IOIs all night, and couldn't look at me without blushing. After reactivating the facebook account, I saw her profile. She's in her 30s in great shape for her age, very hippy and into Ren Fairs engaged to a chubby neckbeard soyboy.

Edit- the last 2 words she said we're "Good Night" as I was leaving