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First off, thanks for taking the time to respond!

I'm so sorry - you seem to have misunderstood what I meant by 'excluded' in this case! I don't mean that you were literally left out (although you did say in your OP that you are generally quiet and only say the basics)

I understand what you mean now, and I do see what you're saying. I am very quiet with other people I don't know, so engaging in conversational 'basics' with strangers feels like I am satisfactorily fulfilling my social obligations (if that makes sense) and meeting the expected 'quota' so to speak.

When your SO jokes about you to a third party in your presence, then that is a joke that makes a 'team' of the SO and the third party. The person who is the 'butt' of the joke (even a harmless one!) is on the 'outer' side of the joke, and that was what I was referring to here.

Interesting perspective. In my family, teasing, poking fun etc was always one of the main ways we showed affection. It just so happens that I am simultaneously horrible at teasing, and a very easy target for teasing. As a result, I equate this kind of behavior with feelings of fondness, love, and acceptance. My SO and I like to have fun, so his comment was both self-deprecating ("I'm bad at listening") and in line with teasing me by extension. The whole thing also happened very quickly (it'd be a stretch to say it was 15 seconds from the time he made the comment to the time we headed for the exit). In that kind of time frame, people don't analyze what they're doing, and it's more of a reflexive/gut reaction. If the cashier meant it as a light joke to once again 'include' me, then her tone was a stark mis-match.

unfortunately the phrase you quote would, to an outsider, appear to be dismissive of you. He contravenes something you just said, and makes a joke of it to a third party. That you didn't feel dismissed by this is great, and it's wonderful that you have that understanding within your relationship. However, for an outsider without that understanding, that comment would easily make them feel uncomfortable and like he was being dismissive of you, and making a joke with them at your expense.

I see what you're saying, and that's also why it's important to look for contextual clues that are at your disposal. If a couple goes to the register quietly and they hadn't been talking to each other, if they were physically distant from one another, if they said "hello" flatly without much energy, and generally didn't seem to be 'meshing' well - then I can perhaps understand how the joke Occam made could have been interpreted as dismissive. That said, we had been talking and laughing about something while waiting in line, he had his arm around my waist as I pushed the cart forward past the cashier. After he made the joke, I genuinely laughed, and as we packed the bags we chatted about one of the games we're working our way through together. Essentially, all the hallmarks of "happy, cohesive, couple" were present and accounted for. Any perception of being dismissed and/or slighted wasn't based on first hand evidence, but rather projection on the cashier's part.

What I am saying is that, given the nature of the comment, it's not surprising that a general, everyday, off-the-street woman in a store would attempt to show solidarity to you, rather than making it appear that she was joining in a joke against you with your SO.

It's an interesting idea, but I have a hard time believing that she would respond in a similar way if the genders were switched, and a woman said "I'm bad at listening etc" while the man laughed. I can't say for certain of course, I have only noticed that it's generally more acceptable to rib/tease male SO's in public more so than it is to do the same to female SO's. I've also never witnessed a relevant counter example (where a man and his gf/wife are at a store together and a male employee makes a joke at the females' expense). If a male employee made a well-meant joke about a woman to the woman's SO/H - the chances for actual negative response are more likely. Both the man and the woman would most likely take issue, possibly file a complaint - even if the comment was (in theory) 'harmless' and well-intentioned (ie the male simply tried to make a joke in a way that included the male after the woman makes a dismissive joke about her SO).

her comment was not harping on about your SO. You, with your knowledge base, and being so focused on the RPW of being, see it that way.

The intent of her remark was carried by her tone, overall expression (short, clipped etc) and body language (punctuated turn towards me, pause, head tilt etc). It is hard to accurately convey that via text, which is why I included the descriptors that I did ("harping" for example).

I'm struggling to see how she was seeking an opportunity to insult him, personally. Her comment was very generic.

Again, it was in her tone and emphasis. I'm sure you've heard a sarcastic lilt that reverberates with exasperation and boarders the realm of condescending? Had her tone been light, friendly, and/or unassuming (an overall genuine remark simply meant to be amusing) then I wouldn't have said anything at all and simply moved along. I'm not even sure she was aware of how sharp her comment was in tone (because she was surprised by my comment of "he makes better decisions than I do").

Her comment was very generic.

Content can morph into a bevy of different meanings based on execution. An easy example to illustrate this point, have you ever heard a Southern Belle say "Well Bless your heart!" ? There are times where that expression can be used in a genuine fashion - but it's also used as a (sometimes not so) covert "eff you."

In seeing it as her being offensive rather than ignorant, the way we react can be a little disproportionate and often not given with the grace that might be more helpful in a larger sense. When we lose perspective, we can become offended about, and see a battle in, things that are ultimately petty. When we maintain perspective, we see opportunities to ask people reflect, and can respond with grace to things that we see as wrong.

I think she was thoughtless, and while it caught my attention and I found it out of place and presumptuous - I did not treat her (or even let on) that I was in any way bothered. My tone was the same as it had been when I chirped "Hello" and how I had been conversing with Occam all along. There was no "ice fills the room" change to my words. The comment ("he makes better decisions than I do") was made with a smile on my lips, and was followed by yet another (my third or fourth by this point) laugh. I said "have a good day" with mirrored energy and inflection as we headed off.

I perceived no 'battle' - only a common misunderstanding of 'comradery' I see many women make when there's an opportunity to 'bond' over making a jab at a male with another female (even if that female is a total stranger).

I often engage people to find out their thoughts and driving motivations in situations like that (I've spoken at length with many female friends and acquaintances about things like this), but as I mentioned in another comment - the time restraints surrounding the exchange (checking out at a grocery store) do not allow for any kind of meaningful exploration. Which is another reason I opted for a non-confrontational observation ("he makes better decisions than I do") and pleasant farewell.

Edit: There are numerous spelling and grammatical errors in this comment, I intend to come back and iron out the bumps later on when I have more time.