I keep seeing guys advising men to not DEER in these subs. But that advice makes no sense and is a spergy over-application of the good advice to never DEER to your wife or gf.

If you take DEER avoidance to this extreme, conversation between men becomes impossible. We are men and explaining or defending is a critical aspect of our communication. Men make claims and defend them, or state a thesis then explain it. This is how logical conversation happens.

You don’t do it to your wife of gf because women are emotive. Trying to engage logically will always fail and leave you worse off. DEER is bad for relationships because it destroys the Captain analogy and treats her as co-captain. And because women can’t be effectively reasoned with; once you attempt to use reason she wins. Her mind will never be changed but yours can be. She will lose respect for you if she can cow you, so once you DEER to her you have created a conflict with no winable outcome. Hence DEER’s danger. (And yes, the actual source for DEERing says it’s when done to a woman.)

But take this post for example. I am writing to a group of men and explaining myself. Is this bad? Of course not. It’s the only way men talk. Let’s say you disagree or qualify this. We could call that rationalizing or defending. Is that bad? No! Because we are men and minds can be changed. Let’s say I respond to clarify or say we can agree to disagree. Also fine. Then you respond with something and the list goes on and on. It’s all fine because it’s man to man communication.

I see spergs here accusing guys trying to add context or add information as DEERing. It’s not. It’s how men communicate. We share facts.

It shuts down the conversation where any additional contribution to the discussion manages to “prove” your point that the person is DEERing. It’s a tautology and a bad argument. As a man, you should try to use good arguments because like Aristotle said, reason is what separates men from women.

I’ve seen such retarded conversations on this sub as P1: “you’re DEERing even on this sub.” P2: “no, I’m not I’m telling you why you’re wrong.” P1: “hurr durr. See, yer DEERing right now! Hahaha.” Those are possibly the most retarded, empty conversations here. It’s as bad as any of the spergs on TRP who just say “next” reflexively.

Tl;dr DEERing is bad when done to women because you attempt to use logic on someone who thinks emotionally. “DEERing” to men is just called a disagreement because we communicate rationally.