[deleted]

OYS #1

Background: 24 yrs old. Grew up in a conservative Christian household. Dad was passive with bursts of anger, Mom ruled the house with an iron fist. Started dating my now wife at 17 married her 5 years later because I thought it was the right thing to do. Married 2 years no kids, had my shit together in the beginning but dropped out of college because I had no direction and I needed to get a job and move out of my parents house for my sanity. Got married and slowly slipped into beta-hubby routine, gained 50lbs, got heavy into video games and drinking. Sex slowly declined, shes sweet and likes me as a person but can't get physically wet for me, probably because of my massive gut and stretch marks on my thighs. Discovered MRP 6 months ago, been devouring the sidebar and top posts but failed to be disciplined enough to stick with anything until now.

Physical:

I have high blood pressure and my family history has diabetes on both sides (both types) I also have mild sleep apnea and minor erectile dysfunction. I'm 24 and these bullshit health problems are my fault.

My diet was shit for a long time, but I have been cleaning it up for the last couple weeks. I have been doing a lot of research into low-carb and keto diets and I have successfully completed a 1-day and 3-day fast. Here are my changes:

Struggling to kick sugar but I'm making progress (down to one soda every other day, no more CoffeeMate or cereal.)

Cut out drinking almost completely. Beer is an emotional crutch for me.

No more sandwiches or bread. Easy enough to cut out, I like meat anyway. We haven't bought a loaf of bread in weeks.

Learning to cook veggies.

These changes alone have dropped me 15 lbs over the last month but my weight loss is plateauing because I have no diet plan.

I went to the gym 3 days this week. Lifts are 5x5: Squat: 95 lbs Bench: 65 lbs Deadlift: 135 lbs OHP: 50 lbs (it's really unstable because of my neck problems, probably going to be this low for a while) Barbell rows: 65 lbs

It's rough because my job is already physically demanding but I'm sticking to it for me. I'm too young to be having the health issues I'm having.

Money/Career:

I work as a cleaner at a local hospital. The pay is barely enough to get by in my area but its $5 above minimum wage (I live near the Bay Area.) We have about $5k in credit card debt from not managing our money and using the credit cards for little emergencies. Stupid stupid stupid. Im starting Dave Ramsey's baby steps, currently have $200 in savings.

Im going back to school in the fall. My registration will be finalized next week. I had no direction for the last 5 years because I was afraid of making the “wrong” choice or choosing a useless degree. After a lot of thinking I realized this fear is bullshit because im fucking 24 and need to get my life moving before my first grey hairs come through. My company will pay for schooling if I become a nurse and it's a great field so that's what I'm doing. I since I have some credits done I plan to graduate with my RN license in 4 years while working full time, and then get my masters.

Mental/Reading:

I have read NMMNG and WISNIFG. Started MMSLP and honestly it didn't blow my mind so much as shatter my romantic notions in a sad way. She doesn't get wet because of her birth control she gets wet because I'm repulsive. I've never been a dormat, in fact I've been downright mean sometimes, but I'm a fatass who really can't afford to do anything besides shut up and do the work.

As messed up as my life is, the reason she probably stays somewhat sweet is either because I'm mean or because she is somehow secretly cheating while she's at work (I highly doubt this because she's just not smart enough to hide it and I am already extremely paranoid.)

The biggest revelation I have had is that everything I do stems from insecurity. I am insecure about my body, my sex life, my bank account, and my future. The best part is now that I have finally accepted that all of these things are my fault, with that comes the knowledge that everything is in my control to fix it.

Relationship:

I could probably write a short novel about this but I'll keep it brief. Between my ED and her dry pussy, our sex life is up and down. She claims she always wants it and I always want it in my head but it just doesn't happen very often (about once per week sometimes more sometimes less.)

Besides sex the relationship is alright. We fought like cats and dogs during our first year but things have mellowed out now. She's usually cheerful since that us her personality, I just have to stop being a fuckup.

I used to be angry at everyone else for everything that was wrong on my life. Now I'm just angry at myself.

OYS 2

Stats:

MRP since January 2017 | 48 | 5'10" | 183lbs | 20% BF

Background:

USMC veteran. Met wife when I was poor, unemployed, and with a 6-month old from my ex-girlfriend

Pre MRP: 215 pounds (was 240 at my heaviest), drunk Captain, played video games for hours every night, classic dad bod with cargo pants, printed t-shirt and hiking boots, case of beer on the weekend and not doing much besides mowing the lawn. A lot of arguing and when are you going to take care of that?

Post MRP: 185, new clothes, no video games, things taking care of at the house (professional Dancing Monkey), a few beers a month. Able to identify and pass comfort/shit tests. IOIs from other people.

Family

Wife: 45, married 18 years, together 22

Children: 24 daughter, 12 daughter

Reading

Finished: MMSLP, MAP, Bang, Day Bang, The Way of the Superior Male, Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves, Book of Pook, The Rational Male, Saving a Low Sex Marriage

Currently Reading: WISNIFG

Physical

Squat: 140 | Deadlift: 270 | Bench: 160 | OHP: 75 (Need to redo these 1RM stats as last was at Planet Fitness back in February)

Keto and IF is working well. I am close to seeing abs with 5-10 pounds with cleaning up the Keto to be under 25g of Carbs. Currently running about 1,000 calories per day and supplementing with vitamins. Just started Androsurge and adding Primasurge with it. I did a week with Androsurge and found I do not have as much a weight fluctuation per day (was 2-4 pounds now 0-2).

My favorite from a discussion the other day, (we were talking and I was leaning against the counter and pulled my shirt up and rubbed my waist or something) "I do not like to see your bones and muscles, I liked you better when you were chubbier." I found a issue to her completely negative response about my physical changes, was I talked to others about my gains including recommendations for Keto and working out. She said that it made everyone uncomfortable because I was discussing my gains and dieting and because I lost my weight so quickly it made the people who were trying to lose weight to get frustrated.

Note: Last time we were together, I was 35 pounds heavier. When we got married I was about the same weight.

On another note, I have found when I am around 185 I get a lot of IOIs and an overall better interaction with people. So going to continue on eating good and working out.

Career

Work is doing well.

Financial

Finances are good.

Marriage/Relationship

Dread Level 4

Same. Need to increase Kino and gaming of wife (currently only a kiss here and there and casual touching from me. She will return the kiss but a No to soft no on other contact.)

Personal

Doing well. I planted my raised garden beds and opened the pool during the week.

Goals

Continue increasing my SMV.

OYS 5

Lifting: Madcow continues, gained a couple lbs of muscles since last post. Through my recomp and now the lean bulking is actually resulting in weight gain versus the steady weight I was seeing while appearance was improving. Probably have another 18 months before I will be back to where I should be.

Game: keep day gaming to no results from the wife. I need to work on situations where I am getting IOI from others with her there if I’m going to progress. I know this is dancing monkey shit but i want to give the levels a chance in this relationship so that i know whether it is going to work out or not... a lot of fish out there that deserve to be caught by my pole if not.

Frame: I have been calling her out on her cold shitty attitude lately. If I am getting one word answers per usual I respond with “I think I just hurt my back carrying this conversation” with a smirk. She hates it. Might be a little bit of an attack and i could be more fun in my response but it usually just end we me removing attention shortly after while I go do what I want to work on.

She is texting a male mutual friend a lot and asks if I care. I told her she can do whatever she wants. Don’t know if I should have laid down a boundary here, because for some reason she obviously thinks this unattractive schmuck who is broke is a branch. Probably because he is a beta that she thinks she can own. Should I cut ties with him on my end? I don’t like how the MF thinks it is ok to flirt with my wife when I’m not around then go beta silent when I’m there.

OYS (my 2nd one)

Stats/Lifts:

• almost 50 years old
• with wife 20+ yrs
• 5' 11”, 215 lbs., 16% BF
• I lift 3x a week, do cardio 4-6x a week, need to look at lift stats, I track in app, but due to age and injuries, do not push high numbers, just lift to failure

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Mission:

• Regain what I now know is Frame. Build more self respect. Absorb this alt world I didn't know existed (sidebar materials).

Physical:

• To recap, 2 yrs ago I was north of 40+% bodyfat % and I'm now approaching 15%. on my way to <10%. Putting on muscle still. My wife's friend asked me in front of a few of her crew (they hadn't seen my in 6 months and I had lost about 50# of fat during that time), "so what's your end goal?" me, deadpan: "remember Brad Pitt in Fight Club?". Them: all like deer, frozen, waiting for me to say "just kidding!" I held their gaze and had them imagine my torso. Ha. Not kidding. The amount of IOI's from random women once under 20% BF and even more muscle is very entertaining. Dread level 1-4 accomplished.

Mental:

• I've been journaling, in a secure location, the following items:
  • shittests from my wife and my pass/fail., logging every one, and what happened and what i can do better
  • STFU, when i did/didn't and how to improve, logging every time i did well vs. failed
• Reading: currently on WISNIFG, and 48 laws of power
• I read a post here, about simply giving up jealousy. Simply throwing the switch. Not dwelling on any ribbing comments or shit from her, or wondering about social media, or whatever. It's amazing, so far it's working. As a jealous though starts to rise up, I simply say: *the fuck you dont belong in my head* and focus on something else. I refuse to dwell (Stay out of Her Head) and instead I focus on me and improvement and it's working.
• When in doubt (about what to say to a shittest, how to act) always act in a way that conveys strength. That's my fallback. Not neuroticism, not weakness, not "will she think I"m nice", not self preservation, not selfish or selfless, but strength. I needed a fallback plan, when there isn't enough time to go over options a/b/c/d in realtime. That's my fallback default now.
• I opened up to a long time friend, also married in LTR about RP and such. Got him reading Rollo and A.Kay. It's been something interesting/special to talk f2f to someone about this stuff. We were in eachothers weddings, we know eachothers wifes, we were college roommates. We fucked around with the same chic the same night at a highschool party. It's funny and crazy we're still friends and can talk about this shit. Yes, IRL fight club rule number 1 and blah blah. But it's cool as shit to f2f this stuff with a trusted person.
• When I start to get angry at someone in my life, i stop and think: what did I do to make this happen, after all, I'm angry at myself really - and sure enough, I can make changes/change course and make it better
• Been good with house projects, I am my own honey-do-list, b/c I want a solid home.
• Need to think less about scoreboard (not there yet) and more internal validation only. But that will take time. For now the scoreboard helps me track progress.

Relationship/sex:

• As reported in a post i made, I'm not cold, just more frugal with affection, not giving it away like cheap jewelry, which used to make it not appreciated or rare, it was common and worthless. Now, I get the touches and affection too- it's not a 1 way street like before. You shake your head ("so you're saying to be loved more, you have to show less love?") but it's not love, it's attraction and i can't explain it but the sidebar doesn't lie.
• My wife offered to give me a massage for the first time in at least 10 years last week. What the fucking fuck just happened. Sure she shittested me (as per a post of mine) at the end, but WTF, I just smiled face down and thought, those fuckers in the sidebar... Geniuses.
• I have yet to be turned down for sex going on 6-8 weeks now. Some shittest LMR pushback twice, but "what she says and her actions are not the same" and of course the actions/body language was saying yes - sure enough, both times moans and passion followed my polite yet strong persistence.
• I really do not need sex for validation anymore.
• And the frequency is easily 2x more than it was the past years, since RP in action, in the last 6-8 weeks (i know, scoreboard, but loving 4x a week vs. < 2x a week the past 15+ yrs of marriage)
• And the quality is much better (DEVI).
• during her shark week:
  • on day of the red flood, got a text from her: "hey, no action tonight, sorry, got the flood"
  • i was busy, ignored.
  • she hamstered, txt'ing me back a few hours later: "you mad b/c of the red flood?"
  • me: "I am not upset about things you have no control over" (wanted to txt another line, see below, but held off)
  • F2F later, her: "good, glad you're not angry about something i can't control"
  • me (the line i held earlier): "you can't control when that happens, but you can control what you choose to do to me this week to please me (sly grin)" she was fucking shocked. a bit pissed, made a shittest comment, I smiled and left the room.
    • guess who woke up to unsolicited (non PiV) happy time 2 days later.

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Finances:

• Nothing new to report

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Things to work on:

• More sidebar
• more Frame
• More shittest and STFU skills honing

[deleted]

OYS 4.

Age: 38 Wife 38. Together approx 20 years. 3 kids 10,8,6. Height 6’0’. Weight 180. Bench 130 x 10. Self improvement 5 months, RP approx 4 months.

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Work

After recognising that I was not putting in the effort in my professional role I should – I have made some big changes in organisation and structure. I will achieve what I want in this role with the next 2 years and will continue on into another senior role after that – including some further management training. No more cruising.

Property development stuff is going well.

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Life/Mission

Continue to own my shit around organising the house/life. Making lists is helping, but working on memory tools as well.

I read a really good comment here about taking the best attributes of all the people you admire in certain areas, and amalgamating them into one person- and working on becoming that person. I think that’s a pretty good mission. I am working through that.

Working on extraversion in conversation. I realise my natural inhibitions amongst certain groups - usually seniority. But in peers I am extraverted and friendly. It's an inhibitory switch in my head that stops the natural flow of thoughts. Awareness in the moment is the first part to resolve.

Spent time with a small group of friends, and I'm known as the 'nice guy' and my natural conversation style is generally supplicating and friendly. Don't get me wrong, I have opinions and express them, but I don't really 'banter' as it can often delve into slight negs and friendly insults and I've never liked doing that. I mixed it up slightly this time and started letting out the cocky comments that I'd normally hold back on, and the friendly insults. I wasnt concerned as this was a safe environment with long term friends and I didnt overdo it. i defniately noticed the conversation being more 'fun' and people following me around to talk to me more when I was in that place - it is definately repoire building. Got to work on that more.

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Lifting.

3 times this week. Moving from dumbbells and machines into the barbells and other areas as my strength and confidence improves.

Time is the killer here. I can only get out late.

Thinking about getting some stuff for home, but I like the idea of getting out of the house 3 times a week. I know I will have more progress at home, but I won’t actually go to the gym if I have weights at home.

Kids.

I’m having so much fun. Because they are listening, I can have the time to have fun with them AND get everything I need to do done now.

My wife made a comment about can you shout at my daughter to come downstairs as she wasn’t listing to my wife. I looked my wife in the eye and deadpan said – why would I ever need to shout at them, the kids listen to me when I ask something of them.

They’re also commenting that they like me to get them off to school because we’re so much more organised and they get there early.

And they think I'm funny now. I was always fun, but I'm funny to them because instead of anger when they whinge or whine, I crack joke, or A and A and they lap it up. A and A is seems to work particularly well with kids when they get to a certain age and whinge about something.

But the one thing I need is sleep. I can’t be a good dad if im tired. I can’t cut through – it’s just biological. This is actually one of the reasons I believe my wife and I have had so many problems over the last few years. I was whingy and whiny with young kids because I was just so tired. She lost respect, because she was in baby bliss period and I hated it. Now it’s awesome time for a dad – new dads who are reading this and struggling – it gets GOOD!

Relationship

I have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to fuck a women who doesn’t want to enthusiastically fuck me, and regularly rejects sex(rejections never happened before because I initiated weekly as I knew that was the time period she was comfortable at). Now I'm getting a few a week.

That’s a complete turn off, and as such I have lost any interest in intitiating or escalating during the day. We’re going about 10 days now, and normally I’m out of my mind. This is a new revelation to me and ties in with setting my boundaries around what I will tolerate and what I won’t. I’m not doing this consciously, it is just became like a switch. I told her that I’m not attracted to her right now and shit hit the fan. Irony much… Oh yer, and I told her I wanted to leave..yer I fucked up, but I'm not putting up with this shit. So we're in a weird stage where we divorce has been mentioned and we're living together and ignoring each other and the elephant in the room. She know's she needs to change, but she won't because(her words) why would she make an effort to improve a relationship where her partner is not attracted - more irony - Dread level 10 RAMBO stuff.

But I don’t give a shit right now. I’m not angry though. I still find her hot, but I don’t look at her, and I can tell this confuses her a bit as in the past I’d be a stare when she got out of the shower or was naked. I can tell she’s checking to see if I am looking at her. I sense a conscious power play is in process here – and it probably always was. She is still getting changed naked in front of me after the divorce talk and hovering around naked preening a bit more than normal(even though i'm not looking at her). Point is, her words say she is comfortable and willing to break up - but her actions are showing she's still seeking my attention. So she doesnt want to break up, I'm holding out here because I am not being weak, but she won't come to me.

Not sure where this will all go.All a bit of a shitfight and I am going to get smashed here for it.

OYS #12

OVERVIEW

Me: 36, 6’4”, 210 lbs (-7), 23% BF (-2). Wife: 35. Kids: 11G, 5G. Married 8 years, together 12. Lifts: SQ 250 x 10, BP 205 x 5, DL 300 x 11

BACKGROUND

Former college athlete and arrogant bastard. Acted like a child when I got my current wife pregnant. Got married and proceeded to pay reparations for my past sins for the first 5 years of marriage. She stopped caring. I kept on being a submissive man-boy hooked on food, video games, and porn. Discovered MRP about a year ago. False start for a couple months, but didn’t do reading/OYS or stay hungry. In it to win it now, hence OYS.

With a trip to warmer climes coming up, I figured I’d give PSMF a try. Today is day five of a planned week at 900 calories and 200 grams of protein, and I haven’t really felt much different at all from how I usually do. I’m a little hungrier in the hour or two before meal time and occasionally a bit foggy, but overall not experiencing any extreme changes. I’ve dropped five pounds so far and look visibly leaner in the mirror. My lifts suffered a bit this morning, and I anticipate a rough session on Saturday. And I miss the fuck out of my nightly cottage cheese with blueberries. All in all, it’s been an interesting and successful experiment so far.

Most of the way through the BPP’s book, which has played like the MRP greatest hits so far. Makes sense, seeing as he states as much in the first chapter. I think I’ve reached critical mass on new reading materials, and it’s about time to refresh on the essentials. Might follow along the BPP’s suggested reading order starting with Athol Kay’s stuff. The first few chapters of BPP’s book has helped me refocus on recognizing and passing shit tests. I get a lot more of those from my 11-year-old daughter than I do my wife these days, though I could definitely do a better job passing the tests she does toss at me from time to time.

I did a good job leading the family this past weekend. Friday night could have turned into a total shit show, probably would have in the past. It was nice out, so I took the family to a cool, new place to eat (bunch of food trucks with yard games and music). My daughter had had a rough day at school and started revving up about there being nothing she wanted to eat. I managed to refocus her on having a good time with the family while guiding my wife and younger daughter through ordering. They all have trouble with being decisive, especially about food. So leaving dinner with everyone happy and laughing was a real win.

On Saturday and Sunday, I led the entire family in cleaning up the house and getting the yard in decent shape. My daughters expressed interest in gardening, so I did some research and we planted vegetables and flowers in pots on the deck. Ever since, they’ve been excited to water their plants every morning and when they get home from school. We all had a great time doing the planting, and they spent a couple hours away from screens this weekend as a direct result. If anything actually manages to sprout, it’ll be a bonus.

Though I am sure ovulation has something to do with it, I think you can draw a straight line between all this and having sex with my wife on three consecutive nights. She was extremely touchy-feely, was flirting over text, and outright told me she wanted to “drink and be merry” Saturday night. It always interesting how high-quality sex snowballs into less shitty behavior and more sex, as her interest only increased each day this weekend. I haven’t initiated since Sunday night - haven’t really felt the desire to. I’ve said this a number of times, but I need to get better about actively gaming my wife, whether I am feeling it or not.

Blame it on lack of energy from the PSMF, or just plain laziness on my part, but I have been slacking off on both work and driving toward my mission, specifically getting set up with freelancing. For work, we’re in crunch time for getting projects done, but every problem coming to me from my team members seem more and more trivial and annoying. Each day I try to take Mark Manson’s “do something” approach to heart and get moving on the stack of reviews on my desk. I also need to recalibrate my ED3 - I always overestimate how much I can get done in three days.

There are three things holding me back from building up my freelancing. First, I don’t allow myself to work on it until after the kids are in bed each night. 8 or 9 p.m. after a full day of work, activities and homework with the kids, and early morning workouts is not going to be a productive time of day for me. I need to put aside a better time to get my work done - early morning on my non-lifting days. I also need to treat it as I would a real, established business and carve out time on the weekends to work at the coffee shop or somewhere away from the family.

Second, I’ve been playing computer games and watching television too much. I abstained from both (other than Game of Thrones) for weeks at a time and there was a noticeable shift in my energy levels and productivity. I need to cut that shit out, or at least set up some accountability structures around it, like limiting my computer gameplay to two hours on the weekend after my ED3 tasks are all completed.

Finally, and most significantly, I’m too divided in what direction I want to go with my freelancing. The voice work angle is promising, but requires the most investment of time and money. I need to buy a microphone and a laptop and develop my skills, in addition to all the grunt work of getting started up as a freelancer. I can jump directly into freelance writing, but it’s a means to an end as opposed to something I’m excited about. Creating a blog/podcast/YouTube channel on stuff I’m interested in would be the most fun, but the hardest to profit from. And, I’ve got some other business ideas that pop into my mind a couple times a day. The Unchained Man did a great job helping me figure out my mission, but now I’m struggling figuring out how I want to get there.

[deleted]

OYS #17

Previous OYS | First OYS

Overview

Me: 33, 5'8", 227.5 lb, 32.9% BF. Wife: 34. Kids: 4M, 2F, 3rd due August. Married 7 years, together 11.

Lifts (SL5x5): SQ 215 BP 130 ROW 135 OHP 105 DL 240.

Readings: NMMNG (x2), WINSIFG, The Game, Pook, TRM, TRP Sidebar, MAP, The Mystery Method, Bang, Day Bang, MMSLP, TWOTSM, SGM.

Body

Lifting

I lifted three times this week as planned. Things are getting real now. I failed for a third time on OHP so I am deloading and will bust through the plateau for sure next time around. I will be adding my second plate on squats this week and hitting my first plate on the bench, which is a great milestone that I am looking forward to. I watched a guy DL 5 plates (495lb) 1x3 last night at the gym and it was super impressive; I have a new life goal now!

I need to spend more time watching videos on form on YouTube because I keep getting the nagging sense that I have no idea what the fuck I am doing. I don't want to injure myself and as the weights increase it only becomes more likely if I am not doing things right.

Diet

Thank you /u/hystericalbonding for calling me out on my insanity of trying the same thing over and over and expecting to get different results. I have settled on keto, which I will be doing for the forseeable future. I dove into /r/keto this week and settled on the following macros: 1850 calories, max 20g net carbs, min 153g protein (1g/lb lean mass). We went grocery shopping yesterday and I have everything I need now. One thing I liked about keto was that many people report feeling very satiated and rarely hungry. Where I often stumbled with straight up calorie counting was constant feelings of hunger.

One concern I have is that when I mentioned my plan to my wife during our weekly meal planning, she was very supportive. Her sister had a lot of success with keto over the past year. She will be cooking keto-friendly for the two of us, with the meals either being low carb or carbs on the side for her. After the whole gym fiasco, I don't trust her. I am worried about her roping me into depending on her for my meals, then withdrawing the support once I show that I am serious about it. I need to be prepared to take over cooking for myself if she turns on me.

Mind

Reading

Still reading 48 Laws of Power. I'm up to law 44 so the end is in sight. I will be rereading WISNIFG, MAP, and MMSLP once this is done. With the second read through, I plan on highlighting in my OYS posts the specific areas where I have failed to apply them the first time around. That is, I will be actively, rather than passively, listening to them.

Frame

I'm just so tired all the time; this is certainly related to the lack of motivation I mentioned last week. I average 6-7 hours of sleep per night, as I have for a long time. Yes, I know I need more. No, it's not going to happen with two toddlers and a pregnant wife. This constant exhaustion is newer than that so I'm not sure where it came from.

It's causing me to be irritable and create unnecessary issues in my marriage. The only idea I have (which is not a great one) is if it might be related to increased caffeine intake, which I took away from this 60 DoD post. The timeline matches up but it is probably just a coincidence. Any other ideas? It's really fucking things up.

Relationships

Wife

Things were good for most of the week. We had a nice Memorial Day weekend with the kids, all having fun as a family. A few issues did crop up at the end, however.

My wife was very sick on Sunday with something she caught from the kids. I took care of the kids for most of the day, but I was very pissy with her in the morning due to the above mentioned exhaustion. It clearly wasn't fair to her given that she had a fever and was pretty much bedridden all day.

Then yesterday, she asked if I was going to the gym and I said yes. She said that it made sense for me to go after the kids were asleep and before dinner so we could get to bed earlier. Then she sent me this massive text when I was at the gym bitching about how she was slaving away cooking me dinner and taking care of the kids when they got up while I was off having free time. Of course this makes no sense because it was her idea to begin with.

When I got home she was all pissed off at me. I identified the whole thing as a big shit test triggered by my fuck up the day before. I am trying to watch what she does, rather than what she says. But man, does she have a lot to say. I only care about myself. My priorities are not her or this family. She wants to see a mediator or a counselor or something. I didn't want to make things worse by just walking away from the conversation, so I just listened and fogged. After an hour I was getting tired so I told her we were going in circles and we needed sleep so we could continue tomorrow. Eventually she ran out of steam after another fifteen minutes or so and agreed.

Children

I am trying to be more creative in my play with the kids (thank you /u/man_in_the_world for the kick in the ass). Because of my exhaustion it is difficult right now to be active rather than passive. I am hoping to do better as time goes on.

Friends

Nothing to report here. I'm holding off on dread level 3 until after the baby is born.

Career / Finances

Moving forward on the finishing touches to our house which we bought last year. I'm having a playset installed for the kids and getting estimates for refreshing the landscaping and renovating the kitchen. These will use up the remainder of the cash I had set aside for doing stuff to the house post-purchase. Shit's going to look fantastic with these final items done.

Goals

• Write my MAP / Update 60DoD goals
• Participate in OYS and askMRP

On my way to work today. Recognizing this is my last big ride only if I allow it. So much to attack on this area and no time to fuck around.

Good family weekend. Took wife downtown to do some exploring Friday; museums, historical shit, walking around. I had fun. Took family to see John wick last night. That was good.

Elementary shit tests. Nothing I can't handle long as I'm not drunk. Gotta keep head on a swivel.

Failed DL's and BP again. Squats and ohp progress fine so not diet related. Who the fuck knows. Keep attacking.

Biggest failure is not maximizing time. I get shit done but could do much more. This week need to push myself against the schedule without sacrificing sleep.

OYS 3

Stats/Lifts:

• 27 years old
• Married for two years and change with two kids.
• 6’ 1”, 220 lbs., around 18% BF
• Incline bench: 210 lbs. (x4)
• Cable row: 190 (x6)
• Squat: 235 (x4)
• OHP: 150 (x4)

Mission:

• Hasn't changed since last OYS. I want to be able to be satisfied with my life on my death bed.

Physical:

• I love lifting heavy but I don’t know as three days a week is doing it for me anymore. I can make more gains if I lift 5 days per week. As soon as out babysitter can stay later on Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm going to make the switch.

Mental:

• I’ve been employing several things I’ve learned from my OYS 2 post. u/FereallyRed told me I was engaging too much with wife and too game her every day, and to not let resentment build. In the first Cliff Notes post by u/johneyapocalypse, he said the most important thing is to reset every day, and those two things are related. So, no matter what happens or what is said at any point, I always try to make every day fun for me. I tease her and show affection without overdoing it. I try to do this stuff in between getting things done.

• In terms of reading I'm trying to put most of my energy into WISNIFG, and also reading posts about STFU and whatever else more experienced men here link me to.

• I was getting in my own head on Monday evening. I started thinking about how much I hate sharing my life with someone who doesn't have the same vision as me, and this resulted in my mood going from relatively care free to angry and snappy. My wife didn't seem to care too much, as she was happy and has been all week, but she heard me yell at my son a little louder than normal. All she said was "If you need a second to cool down then do it". I was a little quiet for the rest of the day but not snappy or yelling. The ol' lady was still in a decent mood. I guess I'm writing this whole thing here because it was definitely a loss of my frame but it's good for me to bring it up as a way of recognizing it and learning from it moving forward.

• Something odd happened the rest of the night after the yelling at my son...I started acting more calm and collected. I was speaking more softly and saying a little less, not being autistically quiet but just not saying a lot of stuff. It felt good in a way to just be in a calm, collected state and not say things, but do more. My wife seemed to react positively to this...she was sweeter and and wanted to do more herself.

Relationship/sex:

• My wife said that she’s impressed with how much I’ve been doing. She said one night that she feels like she’s usually the one doing everything and now I’m that one while she was sitting there with her friend. She’s been very affectionate and loving too. She told me she saw her lifelong therapist (she’s been going on and off just for general mental health for at least as long as I’ve known her) about my conversation with her last Friday night, and her therapist told my wife that she shouldn’t be relying on me to solve her anxiety, and my wife definitely does that.

• On Thursday night, we got a quote for an oil tank that we’ve been needing. The small outlet valve has a very containable, tiny leak. Replacing the valve might bust the tank open because it’s so rusty, so we need to replace it. Anyways, we ALMOST have the money for it, but not quite. Basically, she wanted to transfer money from our emergency savings account to pay the difference instead of waiting a few days for when we’ll have more money. I’m not necessarily against the idea itself as much as I’m against using money specifically designated for emergencies only. I don’t want to build that habit, and it also gives me an opportunity to stand my ground on something that’s important to me, to hold my frame, and to STFU. So that is what I did. I did MY plan and disregard hers. I asked the oil tank guy to deliver the stuff on Wednesday. I didn’t ask for permission or anything. Later, she asked if I talked to the oil tank guy. I told her I did what I did just as a matter of fact (which might be DEERing), and she calmly said okay without being combative (which is the norm).

• She is shit testing me about other women and last weekend (when she wanted to separate and I went out to a club) a fuck ton. If I’m reading something on my phone: “oh is that one of your club hoes?” If I take a little longer at the gym: “did you see your gym girls?” I’m all business at the gym, I talk to no one. It’s all stuff like that. She says it with a little smirk, as if she’s sort of joking. I A&A usually (“Yeah, my gym girls need love too” stuff like that), which may not be the best option right now but she doesn’t seem to get too mad about it so I keep doing it. I think it's also important that she sees I don't give a shit about her jealousy. In fact, one night in bed she said “you know, I’m half joking about that stuff but I’m worried your attention is on someone else”. Sounds like a comfort test so I just hug her and kiss her forehead.

Finances:

• We are saving a good bit of money, but she still entertains the idea of buying dumb shit like $30 of pizza when we have tons of food. I know it's probably not a good idea at this point in my transition to becoming a man to draw hard boundaries, but I have to draw the line at my family's financial health. A frivolous purchase once in a while is okay, but not right now. I think a good captain would stand his ground and say "no" even if he has to repeat it like a broken record and he wouldn't DEER, so that's my course of action.

Things to work on:

• STFU more and DEER less
• Read more
• focus on what a good captain would do in all situations.

Edit: formatting

OYS #4

Stats:

• 38 y/o
• 6'5", 105kg
• Married 7 years, together 10 years

Lifting:

• Squat: 95kg
• Bench: 95kg
• Row: 70kg
• OHP: 60kg
• DL: 114kg

Lifting still going well. I'm starting to hit some of my pre-injury weights from about a year ago.

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Family

Children: 5/5/3

Family life is improving. I've taken more control of discipline of the kids. I've been able to spend more time with them as well, which they love. We're dogsitting some friends' dog for a couple of weeks and have been taking the dog for walks when I get home from work. I've also going to start coaching mini-basketball for them, probably starting in a few weeks time.

Reading

Finished: MMSLP, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Rational Male Vol 1 & 2, Models, The Unchained Man - Alpha 2.0

Currently Reading: The Blue Pill Professor's Saving a Low Sex Marriage and listening to the audiobook of NMMNG for the 2nd time.

Physical

Cutting down on sugar and not eating the crap like I used to. I've also been making lunches at home for work instead of eating out. Healthier and saving money too.

Weekly basketball practice last night with gym that morning. I'll be taking over coaching the team as a player/coach.

Career

Main job is going well, nothing new to report.

My side hustle has slowed down now that it's the shoulder season of the tourist season. Yesterday, I was contacted by a TV show that will be filming here in a few weeks and want to interview me. Also, a book I was featured in will be released next week. Last week, a project was getting put into motion and will be having a meeting with the right people next week.

Financial

I've set up a budget this week and a spending tracker to see where our money goes. I've only just finished it today so I'll be sharing it with the wife and going through it tonight.

Marriage/Relationship

Dread Level 1-2

In my last OYS and askMRP post I received some really good info from you guys so have been putting that info into play.

Early in the week, my initiating was turned down. No big deal. Kept flirting, kept up with KINO and tried to build a little dread. Sex drought was going on 5 weeks until Saturday...

On Saturday, we went to one of my wife's friend's wedding. I wanted to look good for it so I got a haircut, beard trim, etc. My goal was to stay social and be outgoing and meet new people (I only knew 1-2 people there) and not keep little attention on my wife.

At the reception, I wandered around and talked to random people and left my wife to talk to the other girls she knew. Whereas before MRP, I would follow her around like a lost puppy. The difference is that this time, every single time I went away, she would come to find me not long after.

The rest of the night went well, drinking, dancing, etc. but I made sure to rarely give her 100% attention.

After the reception, we went back to the hotel. Previously, this usually meant her being too tired for any action. This time I wanted to work on being more dominant and not boring in bed. I basically told her to take the dress off, get naked, and get it bed. She did. Instead of my usual, "what do you want me to do?" or "should I go down on you?" I took out my phone, put on some porn, and took out the vibrator I had packed and things started moving along quickly. She was getting horny as hell and I told her, "Get on top of me, I want to 69." She did as I told her, where if I would have asked, would usually be a no. I loved it, and then we fucked reverse cowgirl. To be honest, I can't remember the last time we fucked like that, it has to have been at least a couple of years.

The rest of the week has gone well, although no more sex since, as shark week will start very soon.

I know I have a ton to learn but it feels like things have started to shift slightly in the positive direction since learning about MRP.

Personal

Guys trip coming up in a few weeks that I'm looking forward to.

As mentioned at the top, I've volunteered to take over the local mini basketball club for kids. I'll be running the club/league with another parent, so will be something else to do outside the house but also involves the kids. I've also volunteered to coach my basketball team in our men's league as a player-coach.

Goals

Reading - Finish Saving Low Sex Marriage and keeping putting the info to use.

Lift - squat 120kg by end of June

Lift - bench 110kg by the end of June

Lift - Deadlift 150kg by the end of June

Make more male friends to spend time with socially.

Build more dread every day.

Flirt, run game, KINO with wife everyday.

Initiate sex when I actually want it. If turned down, then DGAF, start fresh next day. If repeated like the last 5 weeks, then start to remove time and attention as discussed in Saving a Low Sex Marriage.

OYS #4 (discovered MRP on 4/19/19) Last OYS

Stats: 35yo, 6’3”, 194lbs, BF 16% (NAVY), (SL5x5 week 5). Married 12ys (together 16). 3yr old kid.

Reading List: Finished NMMNG and MMSLP, currently reading WISNIFG.

Follow Up: followed through on both short-term goals from last week, keep making progress on my long-term goals. I am having my STBX served today. Also lawyer recommends I delete all social media including Reddit until after divorce is finalized. So this is my last OYS till after that is complete.

Physical: Still skinny fat (man boobs). Still calorie restricting while lifting. I am still WAF. Lifting with SL5x5 (so far so good). No drugs (17yrs sober), alcohol (8 months sober), nicotine (7yrs sober), porn (15 months sober) or regular coffee (2 months sober). Thanks for the feedback last week about deadlift form because I could feel a slight pain in my lower back during a DL set. I hope to get this corrected, so I don’t screw up my back.

Finances: Love my Job. Debt snowball continuing (damn student loans). Budget is about to get torn to shreds with the pending divorce.

Relationships: Marriage is DEAD. Live in separation is moving to a legal separation. Still doing great with the Kid and enjoyed some extended family time this past holiday weekend.

Goals: LIFT, READ, STFU. Keep new morning schedule of MWF lifts, TRS read, STFU and read more every day. Use this legal separation to my benefit by doing the above, get me right, spend a lot of time with the kid and become more attractive. Some short-term goals are to invite 2 new guys to our men’s small group at church and implement yellow yard strategy.

Questions: Thanks for all of the feedback these past couple of weeks. I am a lazy fat fuck for asking questions that google can answer but I am trying to be better at asking for help (especially from a group of guys that knows this stuff).

I have a long way to go to be the man I want to be.

[deleted]

OYS #2

Stats:

Age: 37 Height: 5'11 Weight: 185 BF: Need to lose 10 more lbs. Wife: 36 (Married 7) Kid: 1

Readings: WISNIFG, NMMNG , Rational Male, Book of Pook, MMSLP , MAP, Way of the Superior Man, Sex God Method, How to Win Friends and Influence People (x3).

Current: 7 ways to 7 figures

Physical / Health: I've been lifting since last October. I'm miles from where I started. I recently moved to a new area and need to find a new Dr. for physical checkup. Before I left my last residence I had a TRT test and doc said it was in range. After researching here, it seems I may need to re-take with a men's clinic of some sort.

5x5: BP: 160 OP: 150 Row: 130 DL: 185 Squat: 160. I lift 4-5 times per week. I did hurt my back trying to go rambo and squat too much too fast and it's been slow recovering and increasing weights. Proper form is important!

Career / Finance:

Job is going great. I make a good salary and spend a lot of time at work. I'd love to start a side hustle, but am debating between a service business and AirBNB/Rentals. I don't have the time to run the service business myself, but a limiting factor in my mind is that I don't delegate enough, and should consider the idea of hiring a manager as step #1 for the service business. Initially I thought my wife would be great at this role, but she has recently received a good offer to work from home from her old job that she will accept.

Relationship:

As my second post, I realize that I'm not snowflake. All my problems are on me and my situation is similar to everyone else's. I'm going to continue lifting. Currently, Word vomiting/arguments aren't an issue.

MAP:

I would love to start my own service business and/or have some rentals. I was recently approached by a counterpart at work that he's interested in flipping some houses. I've done this in the past, but not sure what this would look like with a partner. I have the infrastructure set up for a maid business, including a database of leads that I've captured through facebook advertising. As I stated above, I just don't have the time to hire maids and organize the cleaning. I'd prefer to delegate this to someone I trust (wife, family member), but none are currently available.

OYS #16 (OYS Journey started Jan 2019)

Stats:

Age: 43y, Height: 5’9”, Weight: 188 lbs

Relationship: Wife is 42y, married 18 years, 4 kids (16y,13y,10y,5y)

Lifts: Squat: 300lbs; Deadlift: 325lbs; Bench Press: 225lbs; Overhead Press: 150lbs

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Sidebar reading - takeaways:

MRP Posts – Actions, not words. What she says she wants isn’t really what she want/needs. Good sex requires emotion. Stay in my own frame. Reset every day. Play the Infinite game. Game her every day. Anger is a tool to diagnose frame loss.

MMSLP – Have a higher SMV. Craft and execute a MAP

NMMNG – No covert contracts. Don’t use sex for validation. State what I need.

SGM – Shapeshift from Sexual Beast to Passionate Lover to Tantric Master

WISNIFG – Fogging, broken record, be my own judge

TWOTSM – Mission is primary. Her testing of the masculine is a benefit. Overpower her moods with my masculine positivity. The polarity of masculinity and femininity bring out the best of both.

Pook – Be confident, take action, don’t forget the playful boy.

*HTFAAEASWB - Goals are for losers. Systems are for winners.

TRM – stalled (15%) maintain mystery - woman loving "figuring" out men with their own intuition

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Background: In five months of MRP, I’ve learned a ton about myself and my marriage dynamic. I never did a “background post”, but 2 years ago, my wife and I were sleeping in separate bedrooms. She literally refurnished and decorated the guest bedroom (using my paycheck) for her to move into so she could haves some space while we worked on our issues. We were going to marriage counseling (useless and expensive) and counseling on our own. I think the separation lasted about 4 months. Looking back on it with my MRP enlightened eyes, I can see that I did exactly one thing right. I was ready to walk away – and not just walk away, but burn the whole thing down. There was no infidelity (for either of us), but I put out a rough timeline where either we had resolved our issues and were back in bed together and having sex or we were done. I wasn’t going to live in a touchless, sexless marriage.

Anyways, I did quite a bit of work on my own (lifting, validation issues) before discovering MRP, but it was done blindly and without a plan. Now I can look back and see how the pieces fit together and look forward to how I expect it to be in the future.

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The Goal: Lead. Be the oak. Enjoy abundance, generosity, and adventure in all areas of life – sexual, mental, physical, spiritual

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Lead - Kids finished school this week and are transitioning into summer. They are enjoying the break and have a busy summer ahead of them. My wife and I have reviewed the calendar together several times and have things slotted out. I continue to struggle with my son’s attitude and his refusal take responsibility for himself. Basic crap like taking a shower and brushing his teeth have been a huge battle lately. I’ve set up systems where he loses all his privileges of friends and media until he takes care of his room and basic hygiene stuff. I’m hoping this is just a phase, but it’s getting old. In retrospect, his attitude is likely related to my lack of leadership early on.

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Be the Oak – I am learning that beyond just the philosophy of being the oak (vs a rock), that it is directly related to my energy management. If I let myself get run down to nothing by overdoing workouts or chores or work or just lack of sleep then I tend to shut down emotionally. As Captain, I need to prioritize my own well-being so that I can lead, make good decisions and be the oak.

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Sexual – As per my goals and systems, I pushed the edge a little further during sex with my wife last week. She was extremely turned on and went along with it, but she withdrew the next morning. She later said that it made her feel objectified and she would rather discuss it ahead of time rather than in the heat of the moment. She was out of town for the weekend, so we haven’t had sex again since then. I got a hard no (“not feeling emotionally connected”) when she got back.

I’m uncertain on this one. I knew that I was pushing her and I intentionally did it when she was turned on so that she would be more accepting of it. Possibly it broke some of her immersion or maybe she just decided afterward she didn’t like it. The thing itself was a big deal to me – I don’t care if we do it again or not. It was more important to keep adding Variety and to keep pushing boundaries (mine and hers). I didn’t apologize for it, I just said that I wanted to keep adding variety and this was part of it. I was tempted to buy her flowers and stuff the next day, but I decided that was too beta. I did take her to our favorite restaurant for a date before she left for the weekend.

On her return, I think I escalated too quickly. We kissed quite a bit and she was receptive to touch, but I should have spent more time on kino before jumping in the shower with her. I’m going to keep pushing though. I’m becoming the prize in my own mind and reinforcing the frame that I expect passionate and creative sex in my marriage.

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Physical - I’m maintaining weight. I’m reluctant to cut anymore as it is impacting my lifts. I’m doing more reps at about 80-85% of my maxes. The only lift that is still increasing is my deadlift. Otherwise, no changes.

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Social - Planning out the summer. I’m continuing to use my limited amount of time to strengthen friendships with a couple of guys and prep for hosting parties this summer.

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Mental – I took a break from MRP and reading last week. I had some training that I needed to complete that required several hours of reading and videos. Now that 60 days of dread is done, I’m strongly considering taking a 30-day or 60-day break from MRP. I think I am hitting the point of diminishing returns. I’ve internalized my OYS processes and the additional time of typing it up and sharing it each week is not nearly as profitable now as it was the first few weeks.

How to completely fuck it

This is the hardest OYS I’ve had to write. This is a guide on how to completely throw your frame away. I took two steps forward then fell backwards down the stairs and hit my head on every step on the way down. In italics are my reflections. I fucked up, and I’m not going to shy away from it.

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Trip away

As I said last week, I was away for most of the week as I was presenting work to a client. A nerve racking experience, but honestly, it all went pretty well considering. Wife really missed me which was nice to know. Sent me some sexy pictures. Had a few video chats.

While I was on site, I ended up having a cigarette. I had given up but I did it anyway. It was alright, didn’t really think about it much and wasn’t a big deal to me.

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The return home

I came home at the end of the week, and my wife had left me a nice letter and some pictures of herself that she had taken. Excellent.

Wife comes home, we spend some time together. Everything is going great. I remembered something she had told me previously and believed it “I’d almost want you to have a cigarette and tell me as that would at least let me know you trust me”. So I told her about the smoking.

I took her words seriously and worse, assumed that something she felt at an earlier time would be consistent with now

That’s when everything fell over. We talked for around two hours on and off. My wife was devastated and was questioning if we should even be together anymore.

• “You clearly don’t love me if you decided to smoke”
• “I love you, but not how I did before”
• "If we weren’t married I would break up with you”
• “I can’t be with someone I can’t trust”

I remember a few weeks ago posting that I had a big fear of losing my wife. Here it was, in front of me, and I couldn’t deal with it.

My biggest fear that I had never dealt with, and had only truly identified a few weeks back, was now staring me straight in the face. And I fell back into habits I thought I had broken

I cried like a little girl. I mean absolute sobbing and the whole works. This went on for around 10 minutes, just me crying like a little boy. Yes I know. I fucking know.

I believed in unconditional love, like a mother to a child. That even if I made mistakes, everything would be ok. THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS

I threw any semblance of frame away and accepted her frame, which is ‘I am a bad person for what I did and I don’t deserve any sympathy, and there should be consequences for my actions’

I just kept saying that I understand, but in the end this is your decision if you want to break it off, not mine, and I don’t want things to end.

I came across as needy and clingy, which strongly highlights my oneitis for my wife

You can see how that would result in a complete flip in dynamics, and comes off as massively unattractive. I could even see it as I was doing it, but I couldn’t stop myself.

I no longer considered myself the prize and put my wife on a pedestal

There was dread at play that I didn’t even know about. I made a comment whilst I was away when we were video chatting, something along the lines of ‘oh, I better not show you my hotel room as there’s two girls in here with me’. It was a lame joke and I didn’t really think anything of it. I was told by her that ‘it made her really wonder if maybe I was with other women when I was away’. That’s the night she took the photos she left for me. And that’s the night she ‘got me a special gift’ which hasn’t been revealed.

Only men with frame get special gifts

I threw that dread away by surrendering my frame

I came to MRP to improve my sex life, but aside from that things were generally pretty good between us. I had my own problems, and needed to improve in a lot of areas, but there was never any real risk of things ending between us. Shit tests? No problem. Anger over some pointless little thing? I can’t help but laugh. But this? An actual threat to lose everything I had? It’s never been even remotely on the cards. And I couldn’t handle it.

I have not internalised the sidebar

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The weekend

Saturday was ‘ok’. More of the same and I still continued to hand my frame to her. Self pity. Feeling sad because ‘she’ doesn’t care that I’m upset, and that I’m hurting.

I saw myself as the victim and acted like a bitch

Sunday, the same until the afternoon. It looked like that the relationship wasn’t about to end after all, so my anxiety lifted and I was able to return to some semblance of myself again.

I accepted her frame that I am the bad guy and I deserve to feel pain and be upset. This was MY CHOICE that I made

I acted like a victim

Sex was off the cards. I initiated, but was shot down. So I took care of myself. Once I had finished, I was told that ‘I didn’t want to join in with you because you don’t deserve it’. The only response I could manage was a shrug and ‘that’s fine, I had fun, you missed out’.

I accepted that sex is something that she gives to me only when I deserve it

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Post-weekend

Woke up on Monday, and I had a few realisations. I had been acting like a sad puppy. Following her around, trying to make sure she was ok. Feeling awful about myself. Is this what I had come to, after all the work I had put in? To be a little bitch and just surrender everything?

Yes

Can I really recover my frame after this? I might have surrendered my balls, but I can’t live my life worried about what she thinks and feels. I thought I had reached this point already. But no. I hadn’t. I thought I had because there was never really any real risk of things ending.

My frame was made of soft wood that could not withstand a true test

So here it is. I’ve always had fear in my life. And now, it overtook me and I threw everything I learnt into the wind for a chance of trying to alleviate it. Didn’t own it. Didn’t hold fast on what I thought was right and true. Just let everything crumble.

I have created this situation myself. I made myself the victim.

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Since then

The dynamic at home is already returning to normal. This means that the baseline from before has returned and the majority of boundaries remain as previously defined. This is good, as the expectations haven’t changed.

I surrendered frame in this situation but not for all situations and events. I still have control over everything I had previously. I’ve lost a lot of progress, but not all the work I’ve put in over the past year.

I have a lot of the basics in the right place, and I know how to handle most of what comes up. But the repercussions of surrendering my frame has affected me, and has likely tainted the relationship.

It’s clear the biggest and most important thing that I need to address is my oneitis and massive underlying fear. Until I deal with this, it will continue to undermine me. All progress will be superficial only.

I can clearly see my mistakes. I fucking know better than to act how I did. But I still did it. That’s on me. I have restarted this week as if each day is a new day and the past is dead and gone. But I haven’t forgotten how I became the ultimate faggot.

OYS #28

MRP journey is 10 months now.

37 yo, 6’0, 161lbs (+1.0lb this week), 9.5% BF, married 4, together 7, kids 2 & 12

265SQ / 265DL / 140BP
Read everything on the sidebar, reread as necessary.

I guess my T levels are back to non-faggot levels now? I’ve been running a natural T-booster stack for a couple of months now and I feel great.

Frequency of sex is down due to various reasons, but mostly because my wife is going through one of her shit-testing cycles again. It’s just testing my frame seeing if she can just get what she wants without putting out more regularly. Truth is I’ve been going a little Rambo with the sex every night. It’s caused sleep issues for us. I dialed it back down to 4x this week.

I’m really starting to give less fucks about her. I give way too many fucks about my wife. I should give some, but not to the degree it has been. Waaaaay too many fucks given.

Here’s my latest dilemma I’m trying to work through and could use advice: I can’t do anything nice for my wife. I’ll skip all the details but anytime I do something extraordinary or just nice for her, it results in days of shit testing. Mothers day we went on a trip = 2 days of shit tests. Take her to dinner = 2 days of terrible shit tests. It’s just so fucking annoying and predictable. I seriously have thought in my head: “Well, she’s been a good wife lately. I’m going to reward her with dinner/trip/fun. Just be aware she’ll be a cunt for a couple days after.” Oh well.

I’ve been having fun “training” my wife. A couple of weeks ago I started giving her my workout tank tops to wear to bed (she loves wearing my clothes – it’s adorable) then just… rubbing her tits in bed every night if she wore them. She went out and bought a pair of girly tank top pajamas two weeks ago. This week she went out and bought several more, but more sexy. Sunday night during fucking I told her I knew she was being a little slut buying these just so I would touch her little tits every night. She giggled and said, “Well, yeah!”

So, she can be trained. This area is new and fucking fun! I really am having a ton of fun training her to what I like.

This weekend she was mostly a bitch because I didn’t fuck her for 2 days, so I gave her a hard fucking Sunday night. In the middle of fucking I look straight at her and say, “You’ve been acting like a little bitch because you just needed to be fucked. I guess I’m going to have to fuck you every night so you’re not a bitch the next day, right?” She enthusiastically let a “yes!” out and creamed herself. “You’ve been a bad girl. You’re getting fucked every night from now on like the little slut that you are. But now I’m going to fuck the bitch out of you.” Ensue more wet fun.

Next day, cheerful happy doting wife. Even gave me a backrub. She’s so predictable. Just needed some daddy time.

My wife singed on the dotted line to the Captain/FO model and loves living in a RP marriage. She said so herself this weekend. She prefers that I’m always the Captain. Loves it. And tests it. She compares other people’s marriages to ours now in subtle ways “they only have sex once a week” or “he’s such a pussy around her” are common enough that she’s speaking RP truths now. We had a long conversation about how women nowadays will never know the true joy of being completely submissive and allow their full feminine frame to emerge, providing them the full happiness that they were designed to feel. She loves it, I love it, it’s exactly where I want our marriage to be.

I think I might need to step away from MRP for a while. I haven’t decided yet. Everything about this place is helpful but it’s so consuming that my thoughts throughout the day when I read the great next comment or thread just takes all my energy. It’s starting to become unhealthy. It’s almost obsessive.

Still trying to find my mission. Began listening to “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” which might help. I must figure out who the fuck I am first and unfuck myself even more.

Hit my PB on BP this week, barely failed 275DL. Still progressing and pushing myself.

Generally, a great week for me despite my wife’s predictable shenanigans. I’m almost to the point that I’m going to start pointing out her retarded patterns to her in a fun way in real time.

Keep on keeping on. Got a LOT of shit done this week including cleaning out the garage, making lots of repairs around the house, spending time with the kids. It’s been fun, I’ve been having silly stupid fun, wife can join in or not.

Socially we went to a concert and ran into a couple we used to hang out with years ago. I’ve been meaning to call him – we used to hang every weekend and a lot of our mutual friends moved away. We made plans to catch up soon. Interesting part was that his wife just kept staring at me then blurted out, “HornsofApathy…. You got all ripped! Wow!” while grabbing my arm. Wife had deer in headlights again like last time. Like a fucking secret is out of the bag.

So that amps up the dread, to which usually once a week I get from her: “You’ve done a few things lately that make me question if I trust you. Like if things get bad you might just do something.” She’s talking about cheating, folks. But she’ll never say that. Apparently if someone flirts with me, it’s my fault because I gave them a reason to. So predictable.

I guess I should learn more how to not give a fuck.

OYS #6

Fitness

36, 154lb, 5'7", 15ish % bodyfat (Navy method)

Wendler Training maxes: OHP 80, BP 130, SQ: 235, DL: 245

Sticking with the plan and aiming for 0.5lb to 1lb per week gain. 3x/week BBB with the exception that the second accessory on leg days has been replaced by upper body as I mentioned last time. Did 3x5 pull-ups for the first time ever yesterday. I'm very proud of that achievement but simultaneously embarrassed that I can only do 3x5 and it took me so long to get there.

I look so much better than I did before I started lifting. My body looks vaguely masculine now instead of pure skinny-fat androgyny. What am I going to look like when I'm actually not a weak bitch?

Time Wasting

Reducing wasted time is going well. No screen time past 9 except actual work, no Reddit/social garbage at work (but only two days back so hardly meaningful yet). Next focus will be on getting better use out of my commute time more consistently.

Social

Managed to squeeze a social event into this week. Seeing a friend tomorrow. Next week I'm headed out on a trip so unlikely to try to cram anything else in.

Unlikely to make Toastmasters this week due to more important things at work. Unless somehow this works out I won't be able to try this for a few weeks due to my trip which is a little disappointing. Will pick this up when I can, though.

Career

I feel like I'm perpetually behind here. I know much of this is because I'm wasting time, but there's so much to do and so many areas I'm not investing enough in. Every time I feel like I'm starting to catch up something else comes up and puts me further behind. I know some of that is just life/work, but I also feel like I should be doing a lot better. A string of late nights to just get caught up are seeming appropriate at this point.

I'm still focusing first on getting my time wasting fixed. After that I think I might start a monthly rotating "focus" that I put extra effort into: technical oversight, career growth, managing up, building relationships, etc. I think that would help me build better habits in these areas without trying to fix everything at once.

Leadership

Same as last time. Just stop wasting time and use that time for better purposes. I got some small long-delayed projects done over the weekend, so that was a win. A lot more left to do.

Drinking

I'm having about 2-3 drinks a week, down from 2-3/night. Setting a hard boundary on simply not drinking at home randomly (not opposed to having a social drink at home if people are over, though) has made it surprisingly easy to simply stop. No mental energy wasted on deciding whether I should have a drink, or another one. The 1-month complete break broke the habit of coming home and wanting a drink, too. Lowered tolerance also makes it more appealing to have only 1 when I'm out.

I've been applying the same strategy to candy at work lately. Candy has always been a vice of mine even though if I eat much of it I end up feeling sick. Candy shows up at work a lot, and I've had more days than I like to admit where I left with a headache and stomache ache from eating it. I finally set a hard rule that I simply don't eat candy at work and it's been much easier than trying to limit myself to a certain amount. I can still have a donut if someone brings them in; they aren't "candy", aren't there constantly, and I self-regulate better. I can still have candy at home if I'm wanting it (which I don't as much when I haven't been eating it at work). But I cannot eat candy at work. The net is that I don't feel particularly deprived, I feel physically better, and I'm not wasting mental energy debating whether eating candy is a bad idea today.

Wife Relationship

Need to up the gaming and fun more. I have noticed my wife being more playful as I'm more fun. She's doing stuff like slapping my ass a lot more.

Nothing else to do but keep working to improve myself.

OYS 047 190528

Stats:

MRP… I will be truthful.. and take my medicine.

I have been mind mapping my first year after taking TRP and my interactions here on MRP. I have done this because of something I have noticed about what I post. As stated in my last OYS, I write out lengthy posts, just to delete them on proofing. I can easily chalk this up to “a problem well stated is a problem half solved” and not needing any input. But this week I realized this is the place where I have to be truthful, I have to type the dumb shit because the problem may not even be what I think it is.

I have been banned, piloried, complemented, piloried, piloried, “demoted”, and of course piloried. Without this, I would have stagnated, I would have thought I was winning, and been losing. The lumps have knocked my bravado back several notches and forced me to confront what I think I believe and map a better way forward.

Physical

I work out almost every day. I feel good. I look good. My progress to get even more jacked is slow and steady. Time is the factor, discussed below.

Goals

Bulk

Mental

In my previous OYS I noted the power and potential psychotic use of reframing and in a timely fashion, Rian Stone said on a recent Red Man Group “Everything is a success, because everything is not a success”. Being a very powerful tool in the tool kit, reframing has to be used mindfully.

Social

Fucked. See Time below.

Goals

Unfuck it.

Work

I like my job, I enjoy it… I could even say I love it, but my job is the problem. See Time below.

Sexual and Relationship

I love my children. I tolerate the mother of my children. I can’t decide if I love myself.

The mother of my children does her jobs. No fighting for months. I can have boring sex every night of the week and here is where I am fucked.

She recently complained we don’t spend time together. We don’t. I would rather lift heavy shit than spend time with her. I would rather do my secondary and tertiary missions than spend time with her. If given a choice, I am not sure I would spend any time with her.

This is a problem. It doesn’t work for me short term, and it sure as hell doesn’t work for me long term.

If I were single I would have to vet any broad I dated. First vetting is physical attractiveness, followed by sexual ability, followed by a list of shit like intelligence, industriousness, organized, fully employed, 10-15 years younger than me, no kids, etc. The mother of my children has the first, not the second, and (notwithstanding a few points) the rest to a reasonable degree.

It is the sex. It has always been the sex. I really have no interest in her beyond the sex.

There is only one person who is going to change this.

Time to vet from the a new beginning. Just have to pull the dick out of my ass.

Goals

Learn to date again with the mother of my children.

Time

I do not have enough time for all of what I need to do in a week. While I do get distracted by Twitter, YouTube and Reddit, I have implemented reasonable means to curtailing their pull. The time that counts the most has been allotted and now I am stuck. Not so much stuck as a major realization. My day job is fucking things up.

I could say I love my job, I am good at it and I enjoy it very much. Pre-RP I was quite content in planning my progress and success in my industry, in fact I have done well in the short period of time I got most of my shit together. This path is a solid way forward and I am pretty sure I need to be on this for the foreseeable future. Post-RP, however, I see that if I stay on this path I am forever tied to the fortunes of bosses and/or the industry I am in.

I mind mapped my way through my current time challenge and it boils down to the need to make the same amount of money (or more) with less time spent at my day job. Not sure how to unlock the door to this option, but I am working on it.

OYS Week 33

Stats:

Age: 36; Heights: 74 in; Weight: 197 (-4); BF: 16% (navy method); Wife: 38, (together 17, married 13); Children: 2 kids – 5 and 10

Readings: WISNIFG, NMMNG (x2), Rational Male, Book of Pook, MMSLP (x2), MAP, Meditations, Way of the Superior Man, Sex God Method x2, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Models, Ironwood Alpha Moves, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Bang, Day Bang, Saving a Low Sex Marriage, Re-read Saving a Low Sex Marriage

Physical / Health

Lifts Estimated 1RM (easier for me to track): BR: 198, BP: 192, DL: 315, OP:126, SQ: 250

Lifts going to hold steady as I burn off some fat. Thanks to the advice of /u/Reach180 and /u/johneyapocalypse, started to see the needle moving with regard to fat loss. Started EC stack Wednesday and calorie cycling. 1200-1300 cals on non-lifting days. 2400 on lift days. Seeing the stomach tighten up a bit. EC stack is crazy on my mental capacity to focus on shit and not seeing any negative side effects yet.

Pants are 32” again… first time since… middle school I think.

Career

Uphill battle to switch approach for this major project. Right thing to do for the company, but no one wants to change due to looking bad at their previous decision. I enjoy this type of consensus building, so adds to my satisfaction at work.

Relationship

Relationship continues to go well this week after the multi-day shit tests. She’s sweeter, doing random little things for me.

A handful of entertaining events

· Wife subtly admitted she likes me better now than I was before

· Wife thinks I’m too cocky and focused too much on myself

· Wife has “figured it all out” - thinks I’m going through a mid-life crisis.

Bought her a cheap ass unicorn balloon from the grocery store. Told her it reminded me of her – “kinda horselike” with a grin, she laughed. Then was pissed about it later.

I need to own a small amount of neediness I noticed. She was going to go to bed early when we were planning to watch a movie. I told her at some point, I want to spend time with her alone w/o the kids. Then I told her to go get some rest. Also, she’s on her phone way too much which annoys me. I need to stop giving a fuck and find more awesome shit to do.

I’m doing what I want in the relationship. I want to have her lay on my chest and rub her back? I do it. I am not second-guessing beta/alpha/whatever behavior. And it’s not from neediness anymore. It’s authentic, giving of myself because I fucking want to.

Fucking was good. A couple of times last week. Used the dick outside the pussy teasing from SGM. That was fun to see the reaction.

Kids

Kids are great. Relationships are improving so well. We had a water gun fight this weekend. My 5 year old had a bad dream and wanted ME, not my wife for the first time.

My 10 year old is amazing with giving wife passive dread. “Dad your arms are getting big”, “look at your veins!”, “wow – Mom doesn’t dad look great today?”. Funny shit.

Other Stuff

I went skydiving yesterday for the first time. Got some shit from wife and kids about how selfish that was. It was an awesome experience. 100% would do again. The guy who I was tandem with told me I was very unusual for being so calm about it - I don't know, it seemed interesting to do but why get nervous or anxious? Worst that happens is you smack into the ground at 120mph and die. The adrenaline high after was great until it wore off.

Got a few new shirts for the summer that are not the typical polos I usually wear. Button-down, nice Hawaiian types. Need to continue buying a few pieces here and there to up my casual wardrobe (work stuff I got covered now).

Goals for this week

1. Re-read sections of Sex God Method

2. Maintain frame and not grow complacent

3. Look into supplements to help with nutrition/lifting/fat burning

4. Recognize comfort tests this week if/when they occur

5. Buy wife flows and rub her feet Fuck dominantly and try 1 new thing in bed

Goals for this week

1. Work will be challenging in a good way – build a consensus of at least 2 VPs for switch in direction of project

2. Try another new thing in bed

3. Keep the calorie cycling and EC stack going

4. Sign-up for an introduction to handgun self-defense class

5. Life is going well – need to not get complacent - ever.

Decent week marked by a lot of schedule disruptions.

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**BODY**

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Only three days at the gym (instead of four) and 3 days on plan (instead of 7).

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Traveling for work and lots of holiday/family parties is the excuse, but really, that's all it is. Body weight remains exactly the same, however, over a 7 day average.

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Looking forward to just having a normal week to dial everything in. I made up the missing gym day yesterday, so I should 5 days in the gym this week.

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I definitely notice some improvement (bit leaner, shoulders, chest, and arms look better), but I'm not HOT. And that needs to be the goal - not "better," but "hot." So, cut the shit, fatty.

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**MINDSET**

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No issues, really. Was away a good chunk of the week. Wife made a comment - "You must have been having fun, because you didn't check in." Not so very long ago, we got into a big thing about how often I check in while I'm away, etc.

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This time I just said "Yup" and that should have been the end of it. Unfortunately, I added "Actually, I did check in, remember?" because the memory came back before I could shut my big fat mouth.

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Still, it stopped there, so not terrible. I've kind of forgotten about DEERing as a thing - I'd gotten a lot better and it hasn't been a priority.

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As I move into whatever this next phase is, I'm thinking that DEERing and making my own needs a priority need to come back into focus. My gut says that while the most egregious examples of those things are gone, they're still there, just in much subtler forms. Some exploration there would be valuable.

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**RELATIONSHIPS**

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Sex twice. Again, I was gone a good chunk. Initiated when I got back and got turned down because she didn't "feel great." Interesting.

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Before I left I was trying to finagle some sex, but it didn't work out with the kids. As I was leaving I went to give a good kiss, but she gave me a peck instead. She ended up leaving me a voice mail later saying she realized she didn't give me enough affection, and that she loved me.

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All interesting.

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My ex invited me to a show with bands I know personally, so we went out. Had dinner, got drinks, went to the show, ended up hanging out after, etc.

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I find her and this situation fascinating. While I'd like to fuck her, I legitimately don't care if I do or not. I enjoy hanging out with her platonically enough that it doesn't matter.

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But it gives me a really interesting window into what I'd be like if I were single. I've already noticed that my "game," such as it were, is pretty weak. She clearly had interest early and it's petered out; I can look back at our interactions and see where I went wrong, or what the "RP" alternative would be.

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Mostly, I've learned that I have pretty good "natural" skills, especially at breaking the ice and getting people to like me. But I'm WAY behind on sexualization, being dominant, etc. Not a surprise, but it's been great to have someone to practice on besides my wife. Really helpful if we end up splitting, which is possible.

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Every once in a while I take a day off and get a hotel room by myself. I invited her; she said "I'm in" right away, but has been "checking her calendar" since I gave her a specific date.

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My guess is that she'll flake, even though it's on her day off. Doesn't matter; I was going anyway. But it's been fun to test these things out live and see where it gets me/doesn't get me.

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**CREATIVITY**

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Got asked to play another festival in europe, this time as my solo project. Never actually performed that music. It's excited, but man would it be a lot of work. I'm going to figure out how feasible it is.

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First things first; need to get my current album done. I have studio nights scheduled for this week, and possibly a band practice. Feeling momentum here, which is awesome.

[deleted]

OYS 5/28/2019

Physical

6’0 192 lbs 14.2% BF Bench:175x 5 Row: 175x5 Squat: 190x3 DL: 215x1

Due to an injury I was out for a week and a half so I de loaded and I’m back since a couple weeks ago.

6 approaches last week. 4 phone numbers. 1 rejections. 2 no answer. 1 is friendly texting. Zero score. Shit my game sucks but I’m learning more and more about it the more I interact. I been reading about game and watching videos and actually paying attention. Realizing where and how I fail. I been going back in time and wondering how the fuck did I get many women in my past? I don’t consider myself a Chad in the sense of the word but perhaps I kinda was long time ago; however, all my relationships sucked and after RP I pretty much know why. Very blue pill where I come from. Now that I been approaching women and trying game, I see the issue I have had with rejection / abandonment my entire life (narcissistic parenting is stupid) so putting myself to the test approaching not just women but random people and any people and embracing rejection is helping me with a very old and crucial point I must work on. Rejections bothers less and less after a while. The first approaches I got rejected I felt like a creep and it discouraged me but I kept pushing myself and now I’m getting little by little smoother at this. Just a normal thing, making friends no expectations. And like everyone says around here the more you approach the easier it gets. And I guess that’s the trick when you finally get to treat any good looking woman like anyone else and not with that ol deference: oh shit I can’t screw up she’s so hot! Fuck that what a chump. Rejection sucks, being judged sucks, but you must embrace It and get through it and feel the discomfort. Is brutal sometimes but Is very valuable learning when you finally get used to being comfortable being uncomfortable. Is all about ego investments. Last video Stoney posted about women being the 7th priority and the last podcast with RZD, were very eye opening for me and I’m more centered on what I truly need to be doing. Keep looking straight and keep working on my goals.

OYS #8 5/27/19

First OYS 3/12/19

Stats: 6’2”, 200lbs, 39 years old, wife 40, married 7 together 9, 2 kids. Lifts: 210 lbs bench is my 1 rep max, 225lbs squat 1 rep max Read: Rational Male 1, NMMNG, MMSLP, BPP Saving a low sex marriage, Pook, SGM. Reading Unchained Man/ Alpha 2.0 now.

edit: Squatted 255 today so there's some progress.

Last 2 weeks: Things are improving. I’ve never been very patient though, so sometimes I focus on where I haven’t gotten yet rather than the massive steps that have been taken. That led me to behave in a way that was not consistent with what I’m trying to do here. Behavior described here in a r/AskMRP thread I started:

AskMRP thread where I fuck up and receive sound advice

The advice I got in that thread put me back on course. Initially I was worried that I really fucked up and needed to apologize or make up for it. The thread helped me realize the right course of action. I returned home, played it off like it wasn’t a big deal and was lighthearted about it. To be sure I was half faking my not worrying about it and half internalizing that it truly wasn’t that big a deal. Nevertheless, this was clearly the right play and by doing it this way I learned and internalized some frame. Sincere thanks to everyone that helped steer me back on track.

She said we need to talk, I laughed about it and said I was a bit crazy but you way overreacted while being really lighthearted about it. Then I initiated and she was saying no way and I could tell that initiating more would be good so I ignored her objections and she loved it. We had a pretty good week of sex.

Fitness: People in the thread were giving me a bit of shit about thinking I’m in a better place than I actually am. My lifts are definitely weak for the way my body looks right now, but my body looks noticeably good. I’m slowly but surely starting to receive IOI’s. When I drop into crossfit once every 10 days or so I look better than most of the guys 15 years younger and if there is a cardio element to the WOD I usually win. I’m going to the gym as hard as I possibly can (lifting at least 4xweek for last month) and eating as much protein as I can stand. I am going to do a half ironman in 3 weeks though so bulking is tough with all the cardio. I’m getting bigger and leaner at the same time, fitness is going well. I’m sure I could do it more efficiently by cutting back on the cardio but it’s gorgeous outside and training triathlon is fun. At the moment my SMV is hurt by my validating seeking, needy, beta behaviors not my fitness.

Dread: When I first read u/BluepillProfessor book I was certain I wouldn’t go beyond level 5. I don’t want to spin plates; I want to make my marriage into a highly sexual one. However, I cannot argue with the fact that everything I’ve learned on here has been effective. When someone knows more about a subject than me, I try to listen and follow their advice.

I’ve been friendlier and flirtier with women in public. It’s been going pretty well. Better than I would have expected. Really committing myself to following the advice in the book I number closed for the first time in probably a decade yesterday. Very attractive 34 yo. I promptly blocked her number as I had no intention of conversing with her after. It did give me a lot to think about. Girls/women and sex are abundant, not scarce. The game is fun and not THAT hard. That it’s fun at all is the biggest surprise.

On the flip side I looked her up online google searching and while highly accomplished she was very much a feminist and my wife is a million times cooler person than her. So that flipped me back into a little scarcity… thinking that a lot of the girls out there suck. This is broken one-itis thinking that I need to be aware of. Overall, I think I’m making progress. Hopefully the #close will help me internalize feelings of abundance.

Unchained Man/ Alpha 2.0 book: Reading this now. I like it a lot despite the author’s disdain for monogamy. His point of always putting your happiness front and center is resonating. His thoughts on freedom and politics and money are very much in line with my beliefs, but I’m learning a lot from his writing on the caveman brain and social conditioning fucking up our thought processes. I also got a lot of him saying “the less rules you have for yourself and others the happier you’ll be”. He then describes people getting pissed off at trivial shit that other people do and I’m guilty there. I’m going to stop letting petty shit bother me.

Sex: We are on the right track but I want more fun. I thought of a scenario in my head where we could do some role playing that I thought would be fun. We’ve never done anything like that. I am not sure how to suggest we try it. I’m also not sure if I should just take it slow and enjoy the gains I’ve made and not try to rush into new territory just yet. I am uncertain of the pace at which to push at.

Overall life is good. I appreciate the help here.

Created a new username - previous was u/ParaXilo. I don't want to remind myself of my complete failure over the past year. I know I need to learn from it. Fuckarounditis was real. LARPing was a real thing for me. I feel like I've been stuck in the mud spinning my wheels. Completely lost. Not keeping my foot on the gas pedal. Thinking I was getting shit done but I wasn't. Reverting back to a lot of my old tendencies. Not trying or putting in any effort. My wife won't fuck me. Again, my fault. My focus was on that one portion of my life and it clouded everything else. I had/have no frame.

I HAVE NOT been owning my shit. Read the 10 ways to fail at MRP post. I've been doing all 10. It's why I'm stuck on the tutorial. Here we go.

Stats

Age: 29 Height: 65 inches Weight: 168.5 BF: 25.54% navy method, Wife: 29, Married 5 years, Together 9 years, 1 Child - 1 Year old

Reading

I need to go through the prerequisites again. Get myself back in check mentally.

Physical/health

• Got back to lifting two weeks ago. Aiming at 3x per week. (Yes, got back to it. Doesn't matter why I stopped. I can't let that happen again. Reason 1/10 why I failed this last year.)

• Following Leangains. Have always liked the reverse pyramid training style. Right now my set up is from Berkhan's book "The Flying Start" since right now there's no goal just AMRAP and increase the weight each week.

• Lifts from last week just going to keep following till I stall. Lifts are low but I'll go through the process.

• Tracking my macros. Keeping those in check. Weight loss is easy if you're not eating like shit. Been sticking to IF and tracking my fasts.

Career/finances

• Work is steady. I'll be picking up extra in order to make some extra soon.

• I have my plans for my career. That hasn't changed.

• Here is reason 2/10 I failed. Mistook what being alpha was. Thought leading, being a good father, etc was enough. Just like being fit isn't enough (which I'm not there yet but I know what I'm saying). Rememebering I need both traits. Alpha traits are my weakest so I'll be working on those, not ramboing and shutting off beta but, adding alpha while maintaining beta (comfort) traits.

Relationship

• Fucking hell I don't even know where to begin. Basically everything not to do I've been doing. Ways number 3-5 and 7 of failing at MRP. Hell even way number 6 of being angry at women happened on occasion. I listened to her too much. I stopped rocking the boat, began walking on egg shells again, and gave WAY too many fucks. I cared way too much about her moods and what she was saying versus what she was doing. I ramboed and even worse I was a dancing monkey.

• She worries I'll cheat. I gave the beta response.

• Resists me completely sexually. Wants "to work on being closer." "Can't jump right into sex." "Doesn't like sex." All of this points to my wife doesn't like have sex with me.

• End of the day this is all my fault. I was ready to throw in the towel recently. Just give up completely on all of this. Took a look in the mirror and I won't let myself quit. Getting my head out of my ass is a start. Getting back into the process of not doing this for her, for the sex, or for anyone else, except for myself. Sex is not the goal. You're gonna have a bad time if that is the goal. Way number 9, I half-assed it and was delusional.

• Friends have suggested marriage counseling. I laugh because I see it as a waste of money. Even if it is only me.

• There's plenty more faggotry but I'll spare this post for now. I'm gonna start from step one and just STFU for now. I haven't done enough of that.

Goals for this week

• Work on reading through the prerequisites again. Audio book on drives this week. Reading during lunch break. During son's nap time. Etc. Make time.

• Refocus on what my mission is.

• Be less of a faggot.

• For the love of all that is holy - STFU

Thank you u/Sepean for the 10 ways to fail at MRP post and u/Taipanshimshon for the Fuck You, that's why post. Very much should have read these sooner than later.

OYS 9

35, 5’9”, 191 lbs, 18% BF, Married 6 years, together 10, just one little one

Current Lifts: B – 170 x 5, S-187x 5, OH-103 x 5, DL – 220 x 5, BR – 13 x 5

Week in review

The broken record keeps playing, work is still life with some stuff in-between. A critical deadline got pushed to the left a month so I am scrambling to meet that this week, but after that I will finally be in the clear.

Building Habits

Treading water here. Haven't really slipped up much, but sleep is still messed up from working late.

My Health

Food prep is back on track, but weigh loss has slowed from all the crap I have been eating. That will change this week with the ample supply of healthy food I already made. Lifting was going great last week, but I pulled a muscle in my back some how and then I made it worse by putting a heat pack on it for too long. Its healing up nicely, but I will need to take a break from lifting this week. Hopefully I can get back too it next week, I have only skipped a day and I already miss it.

My Frame

Treading water here too. No real progress, but no major slips. I did have an interesting conversation with the wife about my father this week that seems to indicate I am handling my shit better. Wisdom that has come with age, more exposure to my father, and recently uncovered family secrets have made me realize he is total piece of shit. It did not make since to keep this from my wife because I felt she had the right to know since he is living with us now. It was interesting because the conversation was free of bitchiness, any type of seeking support, and I never looked for any real input from her. I basically said he sucks, I am pissed at him, but hes my responsibility now so I need to move on. She responded with support, understanding, and sharing stories of her own shitty father. When things use to weigh on me and I vented to my wife she would withdraw or just placate me. Her reaction to the news about my father was the exact opposite. I think I managed to share this shit with her without creating any emotional burden and without appearing weak or needy. It is odd to say, but I think it created a valuable bonding moment between us that was rather cathartic.

OYS #7 Welcome to MRP in real life

Stats: 45 6’4” 197 lbs 16%BF 1RM squat 190 lbs, 1RM DL 265 lbs, Ring Dips (+20 lbs) 8 reps, Strict Pullups (+10 lbs) 10 reps, Handstand Pushups (3” from ground) 4 reps, Pushups (+55 lbs) 12 reps

Read: NMMNG, MMSLP, SGM, 16 CofP, SaLSM, Lots of Sidebar, Lots of OYS, WISNIFG, RM (50%), MAP (50%), Book of Pook, Current: Unchained Man

Overview: Wife and kids live in the city 5 hours away while I work in the countryside. Big work week for me with lots of late hours and I missed 4 days of workouts. My wife brought the kids to the countryside to spend time with me this weekend of her own volition. This provided the first real opportunity to implement some MRP strategies that distance prevents.

Goals: E3D - I bought and started reading Unchained Man. I dumped a bunch of projects and outstanding things down on paper, but I have not implemented the system yet. I will set it up and run it for 2 weeks along with my old daily/weekly scheduling habits from Cal Newport’s Deep Work. I’ve never been particularly good at checking email more than every 2 weeks (I live in an analog world) and I like the E3D time frame to clear your inboxes twice a week.

Kids: /u/man_in_the_world made a prior comment that kids are somewhat resilient and can tolerate a bit of parenting from a distance. Spending the 4 days together reinforced this point for me. They slotted right back in and were happy, pleasant, and followed my leadership after a long absence. My wife was thankful to have me reinforce some of the discipline for some of the new limits they are testing.

Finances: My wife has stayed under her spending limit for 4 weeks now. But the blowout of 4600 in the first week is coming to a head. She still has a $3000 balance and is demanding that I pay it off. “No. You’re an adult, you know the budget...spend less and pay it down.” “You’re not a dictator” Her protests are lessening, and burn out quickly. It seems half-hearted now. She is complying week by week, and she is now asking me before she buys anything over $100.

Frame: I’m doing pretty well in this regard. I’m making plans, sticking to them, and holding boundaries. No emotional volatility or breaks. I’m learning to ignore her negative emotions and dismiss them. She’s not challenging me much except for the $3000 issue. She follows my lead in all decision making, and it is clear now more than ever that this is the relationship she prefers. I always resisted it before and complained about it because I didn’t understand it...equalitarian nice guy that I was.

Wife: She was pleasant as can be, fun loving, and we had a blast as a family. She really seemed to engage the extra step to keep things smooth and was trying. She followed my lead and had a good time. BUT, she was very strict with no physical attention. Tight mouthed kisses, stiff hugs. No initiation of affection.

I have not had sex in 4 weeks. And since I was around my wife for 4 days straight, I serially initiated and was serially shut down.

#1: After a great, fun 48 hours, and GOT on the couch together we went to bed. AIt was late, but after a bit, I started rubbing her back and moving in. As I got to her ass, she feigned indignation “I was asleep”. I kept going. More annoyed, “No, seriously” and she rolled over. Me: “Ok, good night” and I slept like a baby.

#2: Since there is no opportunity for feedback loop with nighttime initiation (and I was still good for it), I initiated first thing in the morning. She was happy and playful. I curled up behind her and made some sexual joke (The kids were in the bed) and started sliding my hands on her under the covers. “Not now.” I kept on. “Seriously, not now” Me: “How bout I go get the kids set up with some cartoons downstairs and I’ll be right back up...” Her: “Not now”

I’m not going to be strung along all day, and so I put it a little more pointedly: “Ok, if not now, when?” Her: “I don’t feel comfortable. I need to protect my body right now. I don’t know where you’ve been or what you’ve been doing” (This is in reference to the men’s conference I went to and told her I wasn’t going to discuss it with her.) I swear to god there was a flash of giddiness after she said this...I don’t know if she was proud of herself for coming up with this bullshit on the spot, or if she enjoyed an opportunity to deny me. I simply offered reassurance, “I told you before that was like private men’s therapy for me and I’m not going to discuss it with you. You know I’m only interested in you anyway.” Hard NO.

I said, “Your loss” with a smile and got up, kissed her on the forehead, gave the kids kisses, and got dressed for the day. Instead of making breakfast for everybody like I normally did I got in the car and left after saying goodbye. She asked if I was going to work and I said yes. She demanded that I setup the pressure washer for her before I went, and I basically rolled it out for her and didn’t set it up….I’m sure it might have been interpreted as a bit passive aggressive, but I wasn’t going to be “manning” shit up for her that day. Figure shit out on your own.

She phoned me 7 times and texted. Now, I was on call for the hospital, so there was no real plausible deniability here, I just ignored her and she knows it. I don’t really have an answer for her on this, except telling her I was busy and had shit to do. Hospital, workout, catch up on work. Got back at 4pm for the Labor Day party with the kids and she was dour and pissy, not talking to me except to incite. STFU. She corrected by the end of the night, and snuggled into me on the couch for GOT. Her kisses, for the first time, were somewhat softer and more receptive.

#3: Next day, she was getting errands done, and preparing in the morning to leave for the 5 hour drive back to the city. I had a gap in the schedule pop up, so I went home. We were chatting, and making arrangements, she looked hot and we were alone. So I told her to stop doing her hair, because I was about to mess it up anyway and pulled her in. Hard NO. Her: “I love you very much, I really do, but I have to get on the road so I don’t hit traffic” Me: “Ok, no problem. Drive safely.”

As I turned to leave she started in on me: “What, so you’re just going to leave again?” “Yes, I’m busy and have things to do.” She called 4 times and I ignored. She then called me from my mom’s number and I answered. I stated I was at the hospital and was busy and hung up on her. I am fearful she is just going to pack the kids up and take them back with her (they are supposed to stay with me this week). But I recognize this won’t be much of a boundary if I cave in, so I just shut my phone off. There are 4 text messages last I saw that I won't check until I'm home from work. I hope I’m doing this right…

I have come to the conclusion that my wife likes/loves me. My SMV is already high and she knows it, but could go up with more lifting and staying the course behavior wise. Unfortunately, it’s not high enough to compete with sleep or traffic….

What’s worse is she clearly believes that witholding physical affection and sex is an appropriate tool to manipulate her husband. This has never been so clearly laid out to me before. Coming from the girl who claimed she never wanted to deny her husband sex in the relationship, it’s abhorrent. I have half a mind to point out to her that husbands who cheat have one thing in common, their wives aren’t fucking them...but I don't think it would help the situation. This is bullshit.

Life Goal - Kick life in the ass. Be my own judge.

Man, its like the matrix. I really can live however I want. I took the pill years ago, but I keep having these moments of clarity. Hopefully they never stop.

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Health - Goal: 10% BF. Black Belt in BJJ. Live pain free.

Ht: 6'4" Wt: 235 BF: 14%

Weight is holding pretty steady. I'm traveling a bit for the next few weeks, so I need to keep on track. Overall, I feel great. I'm in the best shape of my life at 42 years old. It takes me a while to warm up for things, but once I do, I feel great. I think I'll raise my focus on lifting and see if I can keep my weight steady and add some muscle.

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Finances -Goal: Year salary in relatively liquid cash and investments along with retirement accounts and option to retire by 55.

Goals:

• Keep on top of budget

We are coming up on the end of my FY. We have some tax decisions to make. I'm actively getting advice from CPA and business mentors. Good problems to have.

I plan to pay off a HELOC and put some cash in the kids college funds and pad our liquid savings a bit. Then figure out how much to invest in a kitchen/bath remodel at home. Our house is dates and my daughters are getting older. Making some upgrades will make a big difference for us over the next 10 years.

I'm also contemplating whether to push slow and steady growth in my business, or expand employees by 20% (+5) and push to deliver some features faster to increase our competitive advantage. The upside of that could be huge. But it is a bit riskier.

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Parenting - Goal: Raise healthy, curious, active kids. Model these qualities for them. Engage in activities with each of them that they are passionate about.

Goals:

• Be calm
• Model happiness

My older (11) daughter joined a serious ballet studio. She is behind compared to her age, because her previous studio wasn't as technical (strict). She loves it and wants to catch up. In order to do that, the studio owner said she needs to spend just about every day there for a month this summer. (I don't think this is just a play to enroll her in more classes) I don't know anything about ballet, but I spent most of my summers at basketball/football/soccer whatever camp, and loved the hard work and had fun. I am inclined to sign her up and support her. Having a talk with her in advance that she can't commit and then skip days when she feels like it or wants to go to the pool. My wife wants to have a summer with the kids (beach, pool, down time at home).

I think the structure will be good for her. She is a bit intense for an 11 year old and needs to be challenged. Anyway, this has generated some discussions (wife/daughter) and I need to make a final decision and either sign her up or not. I'll probably do it today when I pick her up from class.

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Frame - Goal: To not measure myself by others opinions.

Goals:

• Be an oak

Shark week. This is when I get tested the most. 90% success over the past week. The 10% was more internal than outwardly losing frame. But I sometimes worry about her emotions. I need to cut that shit out and get busy.

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Sex - Goal: Active and fun sex life. Initiate whenever I feel like it no butt hurt over rejection.

Goal:

• Initiate when I feel like it be OI

Fine week. Wife definitely has a lot of dread. But I think she likes it. Between the comments she got while out of town last week from colleagues about how hot I am, and a few comments this week from a waitress, check out lady at the store, it is pretty clear to her I get attention. I get at least one comment a week about how I look like an A list actor. The check out lady couldn't remember his name, but said I look like the "really hot guy" in X movie. Pretty funny. Wife has been very submissive and flirty. She finds me when we are out and holds my hand or grabs my arm a lot more than she used to.

I'm going to be gone for a week. She has mentioned she is worried about who will take care of me (sex) while I'm gone.

Rule #1 is really king. Be attractive. Everything is easy after that.

OYS - 02

Stats

• 34 years old.
• 6'2", 185lbs, too fat and unconditioned.
• LTR 3.5 years, 1 kid 7 months.

Focus This Week

I see myself as a Career Beta. So my focus this week was to pay particular attention to what I did, and how I reacted whenever the lady did something.

The objective is to find out which actions I take, because I want to take them, and which ones I do wanting to please, or out of submissiveness.

Financial Life

Worked on an updated spread of the communal finances are. The situation is tight, with our liquid cash down to the emergency fund. As far as the construction budget goes, there's still money left to spend on the unfinished tasks.

However this financial situation precludes any of the grand ideas and desires that the lady wants.

I also spent way too much time dealing with my company finances. I've been facing a cash flow issues, as the government owes me a bunch of tax advances I had to pay, although I shouldn't have. This forced me to lower my salary the last month and this month, and push back an acquisition of materials I need to make.

Goals

1. Create budget for outstanding construction work on the house.
2. Create an updated yearly company budget to account for the cash flow issues.

Woman Life

The week started on a positive note, with the lady happy and friendly. She also started working out again, which is something I had tried to get her to do for weeks.

But it started going downhill fast.

First I failed what I think was a compliance test when she asked me to put the dumbbells and resistance bands away after she had finished her workout. Now to be fair I was already cleaning up the living room, but still this required me to put the things back in the basement where I didn't really have to go.

There were other instances in which I was taking care of something, and she wanted to be involved even though I didn't ask her.

I was taking care of some issues with our insurance, and I always do this directly with the insurance company. When I saw the lady in the kitchen I told her about the issue, and that was in the process of resolving it with the company. She pulled out her phone, insisting that we involve her broker. I told her I got it, but she ignore me.

Her broker wasn't available, so she tried and figure things out herself. Her filing "system" is a total mess, so she got nowhere, got upset, and threw a tantrum. A couple of hours later the broker called, and essentially told her the same thing I was already in the process of doing. So she relented, and let me do what I had already started.

There were other instances where I was in the process of doing something, yet she barged in wanting to be involved. I was finishing putting together some furniture, and she came in asking why such an easy job took me such a long time. I said I was finishing up within half an hour, but she took a tool I needed and refused to give it back because apparently she would be able to do it faster.

So I shrugged, took the kid, and went downstair to play. The outcome of my lady's home working project was as expected. It took her a lot longer than half an hour, plus you could hear her throw tools around out of anger, because probably things weren't as easy as she expected.

Things culminated on Thursday night, when she reproached to me that she has to do everything herself, and that I was not doing anything. I tried to deflect her by saying that it was late, and I was tired, and we would discuss it tomorrow. She exploded: "Whenever I want to talk, you are hungry, or tired. You are worse than a baby!"

So I did the beta thing, and DEERed. That calmed her down somewhat at least. I was very reserved on Friday and during the weekend, because I was butthurt. Me not showing affection calmed her a bit, and she asked whether I could hug her on Saturday.

But obviously this situation needs solving. So I tried to find out what the issue is. Am I really not pulling my weight?

The facts are that I get up between 5 and 6, put in solid 8-9 hours of work, workout, and also take care of household chores (which we split) and quite some babysitting.

She however does not work (parental leave), does not to do more household chores than I do, although she watches the kid more than I do obviously. Still she gets up anywhere between 7 and 8, and also often naps when the kid sleeps. She also has three entire afternoons off, because I or some other family member look after the kid.

So I do not think that I'm the lazy, whiny, entitled type, and that I need to do more. I'm also unwilling to taken on more, because my day is full, and I won't cut down on work.

Rather what I need to is find out what chores she perceives as bad, and do these. The goal really shouldn't be to do even more busywork, but focus on the things that doing are perceived as high value. If they are manly chores, awesome, because I enjoy these types of projects especially if they involve manual work.

It is true though that the lady takes care of a lot of things around the house. However this is mostly procrastination on her end.

She put in for a promotion at her job a while ago, which required her to write a 50 page research document. She even got to work less hours to do this. She proceeded to do nothing, and the pregnancy was a good excuse to ask for an extension.

During the pregnancy and the related time off, she did jack shit also. Now the baby is there, and the deadline is approaching, and she still can't get into gear. So she's looking for things to do that seem urgent, and that she can take as an excuse for why she can't do the important.

Really there's no need to spend an afternoon putting together IKEA closets for our winter clothes. We are not yet even summer, and these clothes have been boxed up for weeks before we moved. Yet she claims this is of the outmost importance. That's the kind of thing she'll complain to me about, claiming the she absolutely had to spend an afternoon on this, rather than write the damn research paper.

I can understand that this deadline stresses her out, but I fail to see how I can take this stress off her, since all the urgent and important things in the household are handled by me.

Goals

1. Focus on not losing my temper.
2. Focus on STFU and getting away from her when she displays bad behaviour.
3. Figure out which things I absolutely will not accept from her, and how I can set her straight in these situations. She usually apologizes when she says something really bad, but that's always later, and doesn't fix disrespecting me in the first place.

Physical Life

Three solid lifting sessions, but only a single cardio session. We had to rely on ready-made food for two days, because the meal plan didn't fit the schedule. I also binged two days on chocolate cake, because I was a stressed little bitch.

Goals

1. Create an updated weekly meal plan that accounts for days on which there's very little time to cook.
2. Three lifting and two cardio sessions.

Social Life & Recreational Life

Inexistent, as I was deep into work and family stuff.

Goals

Find an opportunity to just relax and let go.

Spiritual Life

Did badly on the journaling, and the reading about Stoicism. Will do better this week.

OYS 1

Stats: 6’3”, 180lbs, 41 years old, wife 42, married 14yrs, 2 kids (11/8).

Lifting 2-3x/week. Building up lift weights due to shoulder and knee injuries. BF - 9.5%

Read: NMMNG, MMSLP, SGM, WOSM, Rational Male, WISNIFG, HtWFaIP, Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck

Reading: WOSM again, long time MRP lurker, next Unchained Man

Current Mission: Exit my current business with the least damage possible to my existing assets.

Physical: Trying to stay healthy. Primarily gut issues, likely due to work stress. Also, very susceptible to any flu/cold going around. Lifting 2-3 times a week and also hitting kickboxing class. My lifts are not what I want due to a knee and shoulder injury. Mentally tracking my lift weights, but will start writing it down as well. I’ve always been very thin, so when I’m healthy I’m trying to build mass. When I’m stressed my eating shuts down too, so not a good cycle for muscle/weight gain right now.

Career: I will have to shut my current business of 5 years by August 1st with liabilities still to the landlord and SBA. The SBA loan can be refinanced, and the terms extended to manageable payments. The liability to the landlord will need to be paid from retirement savings, but it is better than losing my home. Huge amounts of stress for the impact this will have on our current employees. I have a professional degree and with the current job market expect to have a well-paying job within a few months of shutting down this business which will help pay down our debt. Luckily, my wife makes very good money and has supported our family during this five-year failure.

Family: Kids are in a very good place and I really enjoy spending time with them. I know I have not been leading and making fun plans for the family, but my focus has been day to day trying to keep my business alive. This takes up the majority of my mental and physical time and energy with fun and adventure taking a back seat. I have been in this mode so long, it will honestly be a relief to shut the business down and create the life I want.

Financial: I have an established budget, but we do not keep to it very closely as we have a large savings cushion. I will be revisiting this in the next few weeks and create a plan as finances will be tighter until I land a new job.

Spiritual: Learning more about Stoicism. I really enjoy the perspective it offers and how it keeps me more centered while going through this business crisis.

Marriage: Marriage is solid and steady. I have been up and down emotionally with the business shutting down. Just like with my kids, I have not been creating a fun and exciting dynamic in my relationship lately. I haven’t been seeking out sex as much lately either and am strangely ok with this as historically so much of my self-worth was tied up in my wife’s view of our sex life (yes, that is phrased to be from her frame). I am thinking of this as a quasi-sabbatical. If this is my plan, I also need to plan on how to keep moving other parts of my life forward.