Hi All,
My LTR has just moved into University, while I am 19 and studying an Apprenticeship, we will not be able to see each other as much due to schedules and that of the sorts.
I will cut to the chase, it is the first day that she has moved in, and she has made girl friends already, I helped her move and can confirm she's only living with girls.
They've just invited her out to drinks at one of their friend's places, and my girlfriend has asked me if this is okay.
Obviously it's not cool with me which is why I am posting here, but I am having trouble discerning if this is a Shit Test or anything of the sorts. I have read and browsed TRP far and wide, and have also heard Rollo talking about the classic situation of a girlfriend going out for a "girls night" and him saying, "do what you want" and then leaving her bags outside.
I guess I'm fucking autistic in this regard, is it really that black and white? Is the relationship over already at this point if she is testing my frame? Is she testing my frame? I guess I'm asking is it possible for her asking me this to be a genuine question or should I cut my losses?
On one hand I can understand wanting to make new friends and drinking is a good way to do that in a brand new University that you're just moving into, or is that my blue pill self talking? I am so conditioned in this way of thinking sometimes, I find myself having to re-swallow the pill to really digest it, constantly coming back to The Red Pill. I will always do this though, I appreciate everyone here no matter the criticism, I've learned a lot.
Please share your thoughts, I'm interested in them.
SeasonedRP 5mo ago
19 year old men don't need to be in LTRs. Date other girls and see her too if she remains friendly.
mattyanon Admin 5mo ago
Basically yes........ it's only a matter of time before she settles into her new life and meets new/different people.
The odds that this relationship survives her going to uni are close to zero.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 5mo ago
You are 19.
She's moved into University, your LTR.
She's not your LTR anymore. Hey, it's possible for girls to behave and stay faithful.
I'm an old guy. I've seen this a lot. In most cases, it doesn't survive the first year, I've seen only a few that made it to the second year.
You want this to end well. Get ahead of it.
Explain you are both young, you should be getting experience with other women. She's certainly going to get experience with other guys, whether you know about it or not.
Talk to her and remove the commitment part. Go find more girls, this is just not going to end well.
imissedherbrightside 5mo ago
I appreciate this reply,
I've come to terms with it, and I do not at all want to end it on a sour note. I've loved this girl and she's been great, good girl, always does right by me etc.
You're right, I want to explain to her that we're both young and heading in different directions, but I'm unsure how to proceed.
Do you have any advice for what to say, where I should take her when we break up? I know it's going to hurt her and I want it to sting as little as possible.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 5mo ago
if she's been great to you, then correct, try to end it well.
Take her some place quiet and tell her, hey I'm going to be honest with you. I'm staying home, you are going to Uni. How many of these work out? Very very few and in most cases one cheats on the other and it's a dumpster fire. You don't want a dumpster fire.
So, lets remove the commitment. We are only 19 and have a lot of growing to do.
If I'm the best guy you've met by the end of Uni, well come look me up. Can't promise I'll be available but who knows.
Now for you, start lifting if you are not, get in good shape and go get experience with more girls while she's away. You can count on her getting experience with guys.
If LTR's are you style, fine, don't get so serious in them you are too young. Learn your vetting skills, find out what you like and don't like with each girl,etc.
She may be very upset or she may surprise you and not be at all. Like she's been thinking of this much already of course.
Testme 5mo ago
It is weak and unattractive to show jealousy. Examples are to try to control her behavior such as going out to places without you. Not only should you not try to control her in that way, you should not even express any interest in all in her activities whatever they might be. I have multiple girlfriends. What they do when they are not with me I have no fucking idea and I don't care. That's exactly why they are attracted to me: I have zero jealousy or concern about their activities. That makes me look strong to them. When I see them with other guys the contrast is stark. Other guys they know are constantly dependent on them: wanting to know what they are doing or where they are going. I never ask such questions or show interest in that kind of thing. Consequently they put me in a completely different category than the other guys they know, who frankly are a bunch of fags.
imissedherbrightside 5mo ago
Hey,
I have definitely read and understand that it is unattractive to control jealousy, but on the contrary; https://www.forums.red/p/TheRedPill/4430/ltr_the_bare_minimum_you_need_to_know states that in a relationship you must abandon your indifference for control. "You must actively control your woman to prevent things from going pear-shaped. "
Are these multiple girlfriends official with you (Is it labelled)? Or are you plating them?
coolsocks00 1 5mo ago
Good reply. Indifference is not a great strategy for long term relationships.
As whisper explained, you cannot be both invested and completely indifferent at the same time. It would be fake and a lie.
But there’s a way to be in control and not be jealous and needy at the same time. It’s a finer line to tread, which practically nobody does. The AFC and the Chad both fail to do this in a multitude of ways.
To the OP: You have to first consider whether it’s actually in your interest to invest so heavily in your LTR when she’s further away at UNI. You’re young, she’s young.
If you do want to keep it going, which wouldnt be my general advice, but its your decision, then you can decide to put down some hard boundaries like no partying etc. If she complies with them, that’s great. But dont be surprised if it doesnt work out. Maintain options.
The follow up to the article you linked is this one; also a good read.
https://www.trp.red/p/humansockpuppet/754
Testme 5mo ago
I guess I totally disagree with that. Your philosophy should be consistent. Treating girls in casual hookups one way, but LTRs differently is not congruent and is a corrupt way to approach life.
Also, the idea that being controlling is unattractive to a plate, but not to an LTR is also erroneous. Acting controlling or interrogating a girl about her wherabouts is always unattractive to all women, not just plates. coolsocks00 idea that you can "be in control" and still not appear jealous is not logical.
If a girl wants to cheat on you, trying to control her by telling her she can't go out with her girlfriends or whatever is not going to make her less likely to cheat on you. It is simply going to decrease her respect for you and therefore increase the chance that she cheats on you.
My experience is that high value women do not test guys they have confidence in. In books you may see statements like: "the more serious a relationship becomes the more she will test you" (for example by testing your "boundaries"). This is not a consequence of the LTR. Sure, it may happen but this is because when she was just screwing you, she didn't care about your value that much. The reason she is testing you in an LTR is not because it's an LTR. It's because you never earned her respect in the first place and while she might be willing (or even desirous) to screw a guy she does not respect, she does not want to be in an LTR with a guy she does not respect.
coolsocks00 1 5mo ago
You're making a few bad assumptions so im not surprised you disagree.
I agree, and it is; it's just a more developed strategy. The fact that it's more complicated and has layers, doesn't mean it cant be consistent strategy applied with congruence.
That depends on how we define control. Just like how we say the categories of "alpha" and "beta" each contain behaviours that are situationally attractive and situationally unattractive, so does "control".
Most behaviour normally labeled "controlling" stems from a place of neediness and is in the woman's frame. This can indeed appear jealous, and so nobody here encourages it. When we say "control game" we're talking about investment but in the man's frame, on his terms. In reality, you'll only control her as far as she's willing to be controlled by you. And when you explore this sort of LTR game, you'll notice that women often yearn to submit to the man they're attracted to, and not only in the bedroom.
This is all true, and maybe you can see the distinctions made.
WhatToWith 5mo ago
If this situation requires from you:
It will take away a lot of your life and will lower its quality.
Now: every new situation requires an adjustment and you will run into this problem many times, with girls, work, family.
Situation with a girl miles away at Uni, suck and looking at stats, you won't make it.
That doesn't mean you can't try it for EXCERCISE. Especially frame exercise, but think what you alwyas wanted to do and do it. This will be exciting, but at the same time it might be short lasting if she'll screw up big time, early on. You'd have to cut her off, for the sake of your sanity.
If you have little experience and don't know how to treat it as an exercise, just think about wild stuff you want to do and do it. Like there is no tomorrow.
But it is not only an exercise.
What else? Play it cool. Visit her, have some grass ready for her friends [don't give it for free, trade it for drink, sandwich, pizza], try to get some threesomes. Your advantage is, you are conscious and are not risking being expelled, and you have a social proof :) Don't take unnecessary risks with grass. Lower risk to buy it there. Don't smoke - excuse. Grass is making girls usually hornier then booze.
If GF didn't smoke, you can see did she start.
You are entering realms of long[?] distance relationship. Try to cash on it. Try to cash on the Uni life not being on the Uni.
Chance is you will be an Alpha stallion in the gossips & this will increase the bonding. Thing is you want to own the other bitches - come across as masculine.
Well, you can at least try.
If it won't work, at worst you'll have new exp.
Don't easily give up prospect of getting experience because everyone tells you outcome is 99% known. They have built on that experience and yo cant learn without your experience. You come here to find out how to do it the best - not quit.
Dudes that never put effort into working on a girl [pushing buttons], never learn how to do it.
MrSupreme 5mo ago
Man,I'm gonna be honest.It sounds like those things that don't end up well. It could be wise to let her know you're gonna try and be with some other women,don't ask her if shes gonna be with other guys, just asume it's gonna happen. Plate her, see her every few weeks if you'd like and just forget about moving further with her.
It can still be fun, the less you know the better
oowiw 5mo ago
This is the move OP. Plate her and start dating others. Virtually no gf is going to be able to resist the temptations at uni for a normal length degree. You'll probably have some good times in the summers, but don't be pining the rest of the time.